breaking glass by KLeena Girl (books to read in your 30s .txt) 📕

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LSD Trilogy – Part 1: breaking glass

by KLeenaGirl
Finished July 23rd, 2009

For Shane
because he deserves to understand

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Serena watched the party uncomfortably. She had only agreed to come because Jenny had always been a good friend to her and Serena would have felt bad, if she hadn’t come to her birthday party tonight. With empty eyes, she stared at the crowd. Music was flowing all around, but it was hard to figure out what was being played because of the additional noise. She took another sip of her beer. Sure, she was only 13, but drinking beer wasn’t new to her. So what about it? It wasn’t like her parents would notice anyway.
She looked around, not caring about what she saw. Some people were dancing, a few others laughed and talked and back in the corner of the room, a couple was apparently making out. That was fine with Serena, she didn’t want to be bothered by anyone right now. What time was is now? Already after midnight? She felt the urge to know, but then again she was to lazy to roll up her sleeve to reveal her digital watch.
Her slim figure was shaking, the sweater didn’t do much to warm her up and neither did the alcohol. The bright brown hair fell over her shoulders in some messy strays. She pulled her knees higher to her chest. The cold was strong. Serena couldn’t understand it. It was June and the temperatures were high, the days more than warm, nearly hot. So why wouldn’t this chilling feeling leave her?
Finally overcoming her laziness, and because she really wanted to know now, she pushed her left sleeve up and took a glance. 1.07 am And cuts – cuts that were spread all over her arms. Panicking, she dragged the fabric down again, afraid anyone might have seen them. She shook her head at her own stupidity. Nobody would care, besides it was far too dark in the room, with only some candles spending light. She silently breathed out. Serena had almost forgotten about them – the cuts. It wasn’t that she didn’t do it anymore, but it just had become something normal to her. She didn’t think of them as harmful and hurting. For her, they were helping and understanding, almost in a fiendlike way. But she knew that there were people who didn’t think like her. They were scared of the unbelievable joy those little cuts could bring. If they only once experienced the sensation on their own, maybe they would change their mind about it. Though, Serena actually couldn’t care less. She didn’t want to know others’ opinions, for her own was the right one. Yet, she did everything to hide her bleeding secret. It never occurred to her that this was a strange way to behave, when she had apostatized from them and their forms to think.
Wobbly, Serena stood up. Okay, maybe the alcohol had been a bit too much. She didn’t feel sick or the need to throw up, but her legs were unsteady and her visual field a little unclear. Slow and heavy steps brought her into the kitchen. She didn’t need to look for it, since she had been in this house many times before. Though, when she actually got there, she couldn’t quite remember what she wanted here. Why did she go into the kitchen? Was the alcohol the reason for not thinking clearly anymore? Then she saw it, the drawer. Suddenly, her mind reminded her, why her body had brought her in here. She smiled for being foolish twice at the same evening. Not even bothering about closing the door fully, she opened the cutlery drawer. There it was. The knife, she had noticed when Jenny had cut the cake, lay all shiny and glowing in front of her. It was nearly nine inches long and – in a strange way – beautiful. Its silver blade reflected the dim light and it was crystal clean, so Serena could see her big green eyes in it. She sighed. Soon, there would be relief. With a trembling hand, she grabbed the knife and held it up in front of her. Trying to suppress the shaking, she held down the blade on her left wrist. The cool metal touched her skin and sent new shivers down her spine. She was about to run the knife into her pale pink flesh, when an idea hit her. There was a much more quicker way to do this. Going for her heart directly, would leave her dying faster, right? Feeling unnoticed, she pulled her arm up. She raised it to the highest point, just to slam it down her chest any second.
He felt his feet moving on own accord. Pushing through the door, he got a hold of her wrists, forcing the hand with the knife to slide away sideways instead of hitting her chest directly.
The dark-haired boy could feel the girl’s chest heaving against his body. Some blood ran through the cloth of her sweater, soaking it. The knife dropped to the floor.
Suddenly, she shoved the elder boy away from her. „What do you think you’re doing?” she screamed.
He blinked at her. „What I think I am doing? I saved your life!”
„Who says I wanted to be saved! Why do you mess with my business?” She was still shocked from his actions, but also extremely angry about them.
„Well, I’d say someone attempting suicide in my house is my business!” he throw back at her.
„You…”, she started, but her voice trailed off, when she suddenly clutched her side where the blood came from.
His voice changed from madness to worry. „Are you okay? Shall I call a doctor?” He kneeled down to look for her wound.
„Get away from me!” she shouted. „I’m fine! I’M FINE!”
„I wouldn’t call it fine to end your own life”, he gritted through his teeth trying to lower his voice, otherwise someone might hear them. But thankfully, because of the loud music and the noise, that hadn’t been the case yet.
She wanted to answer him, but she slumped to the ground. Another jolt of pain had ripped through her body.
„Come on”, he told her, „let’s get you out of here.”
She looked at him in a strange way. Yet, he understood what she was thinking.
„No doctor, but we need to do something about the wound nevertheless.”
Looking somewhat relieved, she accepted him helping her to stand. He peeked out of the door and when he saw nobody coming along, he just made his way over and up the stairs with her arm hanging over his shoulder. Scuffling, he reached the door of his room and opened it.
„Holy shit”, another boy around the same age as him shouted, while getting up from his chair, „what in the world were you doing downstairs?”
„Later”, his friend grumbled and let the injured girl down onto his bed. She looked from Jenny’s brother to the other boy. He closed the door and got a box from behind his desk. It was a first-aid-kit.
„So, you’re Serena?” he asked. She simply nodded, not bothering why he knew her name.
„I’m Lucas. Jenny’s brother. That’s David.” He pointed to his friend.
„Hi”, David said in an awkward tone. His bright blue eyes, involving almost a shade of white, were opened wide with confusion.
Lucas put out some bandages, then looked at Serena. She suddenly realized she’d have to remove her sweater to let him treat her wound. „Oh no. Hell no! I won’t take my clothes off in front of you.”
„Then I can’t help you”, he said deadpanned.
Another stab of pain made her flinch. Damn, it hurt so badly! She just didn’t have any choice, did she? „Okay, but if you try anything, I…”
„I won’t”, Lucas said. „I promise I’ll only look at the injury.” He stared at her, but she still made no attempt to remove her sweater.
„The other one has to turn around, though”, she pouted. Lucas was fighting the urge to roll his eyes and looked at David who obeyed and turned around.
Hesitantly, Serena pulled the shirt over head leaving her chest exposed except for a bra. Lucas swallowed. A long scratch was present just under her bra trailing down her left side to her belly. Slowly, he reached for the bandages and began wrapping them around the girl’s frame. All the time, Serena let her head hang down in shame. This moment was so humiliating for her. She just couldn’t stand looking at this boy she barely knew. Thoughts came up in her head. What would he do now he had seen her trying to kill herself? Would he tell anyone? Her parents? Or Jenny?
„There”, Lucas said, „all finished.” Serena quickly put on her sweater again. She blushed, when she faced David and Lucas.
„Th-Thank you, I guess”, she told them and got up from the bed. A few seconds went by with the three staring at each other before Serena ran out of the door.
„Dude, what the hell was that?” David said and sat down again.
„I don’t know, Dave.” He shook his head. „I don’t know.”


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Serena ran as fast as she could, even with her knees still wobbly. Dammit, dammit, dammit! How could she have been so careless about who saw her? What were those boys going to do? She definitely didn’t want them to tell anyone, especially not her parents. That would only bring up another fight, either between her mother and father, or even worse – her parents against her. She had been right about the temperature changing, it was colder than usual. Quickly, she pulled her head up to see dark clouds hiding the stars beneath them. In the same movement she looked at her watch. 2 am – good, that meant her parents wouldn’t notice her sneaking into the house.
Without making a noise, she entered the door and slowly went upstairs. Serena pulled off her sweater, after she had locked the door, and threw it onto the floor. She watched herself in the mirror. The cut along her chest still hurt, though she had to admit this guy – Lucas – had done a pretty good job bandaging it. It was all tight and nicely bound. She sighed almost inaudible as she sat down on the wooden floor. This day had been horrible. Her mum had just been crying the whole day, while her father had kept drinking. Steven, her brother, hadn’t spoken a word, and he was only eight. Only eight and already an emotional wreck – just like her. Serena stared into her green, empty eyes. It had been her fault that her family was this way. She had noticed it so much earlier, but she had never done anything against it. And even though, she hated being around her family, she didn’t want them to fall apart. Besides, she needed to stay strong. If not for her, then for little brother – because he didn’t deserve living in this hell. With her delicate, pale fingers she grabbed the cutter from the cupboard. She always did this at night. It helped her to make the pain go away. It wasn’t just a metaphor, for Serena, it really worked. The little cuts made her release all the tension she was holding over the course of the day. Like usual, she put the blade against her skin, ready to cut in.
But she didn’t. She couldn’t explain why, she just couldn’t bring herself to do it now. Angry with herself, she