Pieces of Me by Pua Ramona (small books to read txt) 📕

cracks in my heart from getting bigger. I try breathing, but I can’t. I can feel my body shutting down, everything going cold.

“Eli, talk to her,” Reese says. I feel Eli’s hands let go of mine, and my heart feels heavy. It hurts to open my eyes, but I try anyway. At least I’ll know then that Eli made the choice to walk away from me, and if he does then I won’t blame him. I’m struggling to focus but I could still see him. I expected him to be gone, but instead I see a broken man kneeling before me.

He peels his sweatshirt off and says “If you want to cut yourself, then you’re going to take my arm, look me in my eyes and cut as many times as you want until you’re too tired to cut anymore Sina. Use me.”

The pain that my heart is is like nothing that I have ever felt before. I look at him with tears and pain in my heart and cry, “How could you ask me to do that? I would never, ever wish this kind of pain on anyone else, even on you. I love you too much to hurt you like that.”

He gently grabs my hands and places them on his chest. “Then please don’t break my heart. Because every time that piece of glass cuts through your skin a piece of me dies. Feel the beat of my heart and believe that it only beats for you.”

He lifts my hands to his lips and kisses my old scars and along with the fresh ones. Then he kisses the insides of both of my wrists. I love him. “I can’t lose you now Sina. If I have to sit in this storm forever, then I will because I’m not letting you go. I’m not giving up on you. If you ask me to leave, I won’t. Even if it means that you have to hate me for the rest of my life, I don’t care. Just as long as I can still hear and feel your heartbeat then the rest doesn’t fucking matter”.

He gently holds my face in his hands. “I love you Sina. Please choose me, let me be the one to save you. Let me love you. Choose me.” He kisses my forehead, “Please, choose me.”

And then I understood everything. Eight years of holding on to the pain and not knowing how to move my way through it. I finally understood the real meaning of letting go. I have struggled for eight years of trying to love myself fully. I was loving just half of myself, but I needed to love me as a whole woman.

It’s taken me eight years to understand the true meaning of unconditional love. Here is a man who’s breaking because of me, but who is still willing to love me through all the damage and ugliness. Here is a man who is willing to save me from drowning by keeping me above water. My lifesaver. Everything happens for a reason. If this was the path I had to take to get where I’m at right now, then I will fight until I feel whole again.

Eight years of trying to put every piece of myself back together again led me to a love that my heart and soul prayed for.

The broken pieces of me led me here to him.

My past led me to Eli.

I drop the broken glass and I let everything go. I finally break and all I can do at this point is scream. I scream because I am furious with Jackson, I scream because I didn’t do anything wrong. I scream because he stole eight years from me. I scream because I didn’t deserve it. I scream because I am fucking innocent. I scream until I can’t anymore and I sob instead.

“Everything hurts. My heart hurts, Eli.” He moves me carefully into his lap. He wraps his arms around me with so much love and we cry together. Our broken pieces finding each other in the darkness.

“I’ll fix this. I give you my word Sina, I’ll fix it.” It hurts too much to move my arms so I lay my head on his bare chest and close my eyes. “Call for help,” Eli says. He never lets me go, he sits and cries quietly. He kisses the top of my head. “I love you so fucking much” is the last thing I hear before everything else goes black.

Chapter Fifty-Six

Eli

“I’ll fix this. I give you my word Sina. I’ll fix it.” She lays her head on my chest and she just cries. I pray that she doesn’t hear my heart as it breaks for her.

I sit and hold her until the ambulance shows up. I don’t want anyone to fucking touch her, but the medics need to check her for more injuries. They move her to the stretcher and start working on her.

“My name’s Eric” says one of the medics. I don’t respond back. “Sir we have to take her to the hospital now, we have to make sure that she’s not bleeding from the inside. Are you going to ride with us Sir?”

“Go with her,” Luka says. “We’ll meet you at the hospital.”

I look at him and say, “Thank you.”

“We have to go now.” I get inside the ambulance while the other medic is hooking Sina up to an I.V. I take her hand in mine and lay my forehead on it.

I take several deep breaths and whisper “Don’t take her away from me, please.”

What I saw tonight at the lake is something I will remember for the rest of my fucking life. My heart fucking broke and a piece of my soul died there. I didn’t see anything or anyone, but her. I saw her blood and nothing else mattered anymore. All I care about is the woman who holds my heart and who is my whole world. I need