The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman by Laurence Sterne (pdf e book reader txt) 📕

will show it thee tomorrow:⁠—In the meantime we may depend upon it, Trim, for our comfort, said my uncle Toby, that God Almighty is so good and just a governor of the world, that if we have but done our duties in it,⁠—it will never be enquired into, whether we have done them in a red coat or a black one:⁠⸺⁠I hope not, said the corporal⁠⸺⁠But go on, Trim, said my uncle Toby, with thy story.

When I went up, continued the corporal, into the lieutenant’s room, which I did not do till the expiration of the ten minutes,⁠—he was lying in his bed with his head raised upon his hand, with his elbow upon the pillow, and a clean white cambrick handkerchief beside it:⁠⸺⁠The youth was just stooping down to take up the cushion, upon which I supposed he had been kneeling,⁠—the book was laid upon the bed,⁠—and, as he rose, in taking up the cushion with one hand, he reached out his other to take it away at the same time.⁠⸺⁠Let it remain there, my dear, said the lieutenant.

He did not offer to speak to me, till I had walked up close to his bedside:⁠—If you are captain Shandy’s servant, said he, you must present my thanks to your master, with my little boy’s thanks along with them, for his courtesy to me;⁠—if he was of Leven’s⁠—said the lieutenant.⁠—I told him your honour was⁠—Then, said he, I served three campaigns with him in Flanders, and remember him,⁠—but ’tis most likely, as I had not the honour of any acquaintance with him, that he knows nothing of me.⁠⸺⁠You will tell him, however, that the person his good-nature has laid under obligations to him, is one Le Fever, a lieutenant in Angus’s⁠⸺⁠but he knows me not,⁠—said he, a second time, musing;⁠⸺⁠possibly he may my story⁠—added he⁠—pray tell the captain, I was the ensign at Breda, whose wife was most unfortunately killed with a musket-shot, as she lay in my arms in my tent.⁠⸺⁠I remember the story, an’t please your honour, said I, very well.⁠⸺⁠Do you so? said he, wiping his eyes with his handkerchief,⁠—then well may I.⁠—In saying this, he drew a little ring out of his bosom, which seemed tied with a black ribband about his neck, and kiss’d it twice⁠⸺⁠Here, Billy, said he,⁠⸺⁠the boy flew across the room to the bedside,⁠—and falling down upon his knee, took the ring in his hand, and kissed it too,⁠—then kissed his father, and sat down upon the bed and wept.

I wish, said my uncle Toby, with a deep sigh,⁠—I wish, Trim, I was asleep.

Your honour, replied the corporal, is too much concerned;⁠—shall I pour your honour out a glass of sack to your pipe?⁠⸺⁠Do, Trim, said my uncle Toby.

I remember, said my uncle Toby, sighing again, the story of the ensign and his wife, with a circumstance his modesty omitted;⁠—and particularly well that he, as well as she, upon some account or other (I forget what) was universally pitied by the whole regiment;⁠—but finish the story thou art upon:⁠—’Tis finished already, said the corporal,⁠—for I could stay no longer,⁠—so wished his honour a good night; young Le Fever rose from off the bed, and saw me to the bottom of the stairs; and as we went down together, told me, they had come from Ireland, and were on their route to join the regiment in Flanders.⁠⸺⁠But alas! said the corporal,⁠—the lieutenant’s last day’s march is over.⁠—Then what is to become of his poor boy? cried my uncle Toby.

VIII The Story of Le Fever Continued

It was to my uncle Toby’s eternal honour,⁠⸺⁠though I tell it only for the sake of those, who, when coop’d in betwixt a natural and a positive law, know not, for their souls, which way in the world to turn themselves⁠⸺⁠That notwithstanding my uncle Toby was warmly engaged at that time in carrying on the siege of Dendermond, parallel with the allies, who pressed theirs on so vigorously, that they scarce allowed him time to get his dinner⁠⸺⁠that nevertheless he gave up Dendermond, though he had already made a lodgment upon the counterscarp;⁠—and bent his whole thoughts towards the private distresses at the inn; and except that he ordered the garden gate to be bolted up, by which he might be said to have turned the siege of Dendermond into a blockade,⁠—he left Dendermond to itself⁠—to be relieved or not by the French king, as the French king thought good; and only considered how he himself should relieve the poor lieutenant and his son.

⸺⁠That kind Being, who is a friend to the friendless, shall recompence thee for this.

Thou hast left this matter short, said my uncle Toby to the corporal, as he was putting him to bed,⁠⸺⁠and I will tell thee in what, Trim.⁠⸺⁠In the first place, when thou madest an offer of my services to Le Fever,⁠⸺⁠as sickness and travelling are both expensive, and thou knowest he was but a poor lieutenant, with a son to subsist as well as himself out of his pay,⁠—that thou didst not make an offer to him of my purse; because, had he stood in need, thou knowest, Trim, he had been as welcome to it as myself.⁠⸺⁠Your honour knows, said the corporal, I had no orders;⁠⸺⁠True, quoth my uncle Toby,⁠—thou didst very right, Trim, as a soldier,⁠—but certainly very wrong as a man.

In the second place, for which, indeed, thou hast the same excuse, continued my uncle Toby,⁠⸺⁠when thou offeredst him whatever was in my house,⁠⸺⁠thou shouldst have offered him my house too:⁠⸺⁠A sick brother officer should have the best quarters, Trim, and if we had him with us,⁠—we could tend and look to him:⁠⸺⁠Thou art an excellent nurse thyself, Trim,⁠—and what with thy care of him, and the old woman’s, and his boy’s, and mine together, we might recruit him again at once, and set him upon his legs.⁠⸻

⸺⁠In a fortnight or three weeks, added my uncle Toby, smiling,⁠⸺⁠he might march.⁠⸺⁠He will never march; an’ please your honour, in this world, said the corporal:⁠⸺⁠He will march; said