Jase by Fields, J. (ebook reader browser TXT) 📕

looked at his phone and read her text. He wanted to reply, but he couldn’t. He missed his flight because he needed to try to comfort her. When there were far more important things going on at home. As much as he wanted to blame her, it would make all of this easier, he couldn’t.

He received the call from his mother at four in the morning. He should have woke her then, to try to explain the situation but when he thought about it-- he couldn’t imagine disappointing her any more than he already had to.

He could not focus on Carly anymore. If she knew, she would try to help him or hate him for not telling her sooner. He ran the whole scenario through his head. Just promise me you’ll finish school, he had heard her mother say and Carly promised she would. He would not want it any different for her. His past was his, he owned it and he carried the guilt for two years now. He wouldn’t ever want to cause stress in another person’s life that he loved. He was sure he had fallen in love with Carly. He had planned on telling her that before they made love for the first time, her first time.

He closed his eyes remembering the phone call he had made from the airport’s bar. He had hurt her enough. He wouldn’t do it again. No matter what the cost to him, to his heart right now. When he returned home all his dreams would come true, he would hold Isabella again and never let her go, no matter what it cost him.

~

I woke and immediately looked at the phone, nothing. No goodnight, no falling for you, not even a fuck off! Unbelievable!

So, you know how you write a message and mean to press cancel and hit send instead? Yeah that’s what I did.

-Good morning, hoping things are well, I miss you…Carly

I felt panicked, why why why? Stupid thumbs, stupid, stupid thumbs! And I swear I stopped breathing anticipating his reply. It literally felt like hours, when in reality it was only ten minutes. When it didn’t come, I felt the burn in my throat. I felt sick to my stomach.

I stepped into the shower needing to wash away the hurt, the pain, and the stupid fucking girl feelings. It made me even sicker that I was capable of feeling this way after only knowing him for three months. What the hell, I had always thought it was so lame when the group of girls I hung out with in high school acted heart broken. What a judgmental bitch. And here I was feeling all of that, and I was an adult.

When I got out of the shower I dressed quickly and sat on the bed holding that phone.

-I wanted you to know that I did not mean to send the text I sent before. It truly was an accident. I wish I didn’t send it. I wish none of the past day and a half happened. I wish you could trust me to tell me what you were feeling or enough to know I would always listen. I did fall. But what do you do when you fall? You stand up, dust yourself off, and continue on. If I hurt you in any way Jase, I’m very sorry. I’ll stop bothering you, because I know that’s what you want. I’m going to turn this phone off and force myself to send it to you in the mail so that I am not tempted to message you anymore. I ask that you don’t say anything to Abe, it’s not like he needs to know. I’m thankful we never told him. That way he does not feel any different about either of us. I hope things are well, I will always hope that for you. Take care of yourself… Carly.

I didn’t have class today and was thankful. Mom was still in bed which was normal for her at--I looked at the clock, yeah normal for most people to sleep past six in the morning on a Saturday.

I grabbed an envelope off of Mom’s roll top desk and ruffled through the drawer to find stamps. I decided I would go the nearest super mart that housed a mail service. I didn’t trust myself to keep that phone. I took my phone from the charger and went to his contact info and hit delete. There no more Jase, temptation diverted. The only chance I had of running into him was when I went to Jersey for Christmas. I seriously hoped I could come up with an excuse to get out of that one.

When I got home mom was still in bed. I headed right back to mine. I needed to sleep for like a week.

~

When I woke up I heard my Mom talking in the kitchen to someone whose voice I didn’t recognize. I threw my still damp hair up and shoved my feet into my house shoes and walked out.

“Good morning Carly how are you?” It was Brad.

We had a fine time last night and all, but I really wasn’t in the mood today. “Hi, Brad.”

My mother scowled at me. Yes I was being rude, but I couldn’t be nice. I just wanted one damn day to lay in bed and do nothing.

“I brought by notes from class, you left early and I thought you may want them. We have a test Monday,” Brad smiled and handed me the copies he had made.

“Thanks,” I looked down at the papers not wanting to look at Brad.

“You are more than welcome,” Brad stood for a moment and then smiled and chuckled, “Alright then see you Monday?”

“Thanks Brad,” I finally looked up.

My mother thanked Brad and walked into her study.

“Look, I’m sorry if I was rude, I just …”

“Carly I understand. I brought you notes,” Brad smiled. “I’m not trying to push you into being my friend okay? When you’re ready… it will happen. We’ll