The Crush by Ward Penelope (best book recommendations txt) 📕

but I impulsively pulled into a parking spot outside the bar. If she wasn’t here, I’d know she was lying. I convinced myself this had nothing to do with being a stalker, that my checking up on her was for her own good. There would be no harm in peeking inside to see if I could spot her. Then I’d leave. I wasn’t sure what I’d be doing with this information—it wasn’t like I could text her if she wasn’t here and say, I know you’re not really at The Iguana. I’d have to keep this to myself either way. Yet I still felt compelled to do it.

When I walked into the bar, however, nothing could’ve prepared me for what I saw. Rather than being noisy, the place was almost completely quiet. In the center of the spotlight, up on stage, was Farrah.

My heart beat faster as I realized she was about to say something. You would’ve thought I was the one up there with how nervous I got. It felt like I stopped breathing for a moment until her voice finally rang out over the room.

“I’m Farrah.”

“Hi, Farrah,” the audience said in unison.

“This isn’t going to be one of the sexy or embarrassing stories. So I apologize for that. Believe me, I’ve had many of the embarrassing ones lately. Maybe I’ll confess one of those another day.” She cleared her throat. “The reason I’m pouring my heart out today…” She paused for several seconds. “…is because my parents were murdered.”

A few people gasped, followed by muffled whispering. My chest tightened with shock.

Farrah took a deep breath in and continued. “I don’t think I’ve ever said those words aloud. I mean, how many people have lost both their parents to murder? I’m sure people like me exist—like, on Dateline. But we’re few and far between. Most days I feel like the only person on Earth in this situation, even though I know that can’t be true.”

She ran her hand along her hair. “People typically don’t know what to say to me when they find out what happened to my parents. It’s hard for me to see shocked reactions like yours. Talking about it is an unwanted reality check, one that takes me out of the denial that’s necessary for everyday survival. I know I’m probably supposed to give you more specifics about what happened, all of the salacious details… Because that’s what we do here, right? Pour our hearts out? But sometimes, there are just no words. So I won’t be able to go there tonight.”

Farrah let out a breath, amplified by the mic. “I mainly come here every week to listen to you all, not only for the occasional juicy confessions, but for the sad ones. It’s the sad ones that keep me coming. Those make me feel less alone. Listening to some of you has taught me that it’s okay to not be okay, that human suffering is a collective experience. We all have something. No one gets out of this world unscathed. Maybe we’re not put here to have it easy. Maybe life is about learning to survive pain and grief, two things that hit every person at some point. My turn just came at fourteen, when my life changed forever.

“If you didn’t know me, you’d never know I’d been through something horrible. Because I’m really good at hiding behind my smile. So the next time you see someone you assume has it better than you do, remember that you can’t know what someone is going through by looking at them. They might have been through something agonizing, yet still found a way to smile. And I hope whatever you’re going through, you know you’re not alone—and that you find a way to smile, too.” She nodded once. “Thank you.”

Farrah stepped down to a round of applause.

Wow. I was so proud of her for putting aside her fears.

I should’ve left sooner though. Should’ve turned right around and gotten the hell out of there. Instead, I froze. I’d been so into what she was saying, I hadn’t realized I’d walked close enough to the stage that I was now in front of her. When she spotted me, I knew I was fucked.

How the hell am I supposed to explain this?

Chapter 7

Farrah

At first, I thought I might have been hallucinating. What the hell is Jace doing here? I had to blink several times to confirm I wasn’t seeing things. Oh my God. He saw my entire speech? He heard every last, raw word? How could this have happened on the one night I’d decided to go for it?

Jace shifted on his feet. “Farrah...that was—”

“What are you doing here?”

He fumbled in search of words and finally said, “I don’t have a good answer for that.”

I turned to look over at Kellianne, who was beaming. She gave me a thumbs-up, clearly enjoying this a little too much.

“How could you possibly have known I was going to be speaking tonight?”

“That’s the fucked-up thing. I had no clue. Getting to see you up there was pure luck.”

“Why are you here?”

Jace bit his bottom lip. “Honestly? I was driving that girl back to her house, and I passed by here on my way home. Figured I’d check things out…see why you like it so much.”

That seemed weird to me. “I’m still confused. You knew I was here. So…you were gonna say hello?”

“Possibly. But when I came in, you’d just gotten on stage. I was going to turn around and leave after you finished, but then you spotted me.”

“Why would you have left?”

“Because I wasn’t sure you’d be comfortable knowing I’d heard everything.”

“Okay...” I shook my head. “Are you gonna stay?”

His eyes seared into mine. “Do you want me to?”

I swallowed. “Yeah.”

“Okay,” he said, looking around.

“I need a drink. What can I get you?”

He held his palm out. “Nothing for me. I’m driving.”

My legs felt wobbly as I made my way to the bar—and I hadn’t had anything to drink yet.

Jace