The Alchemist by Ben Jonson (best way to read an ebook txt) 📕

how. Pertinax Surly

Sir, you are abused.

Kastril

You lie:
And ’tis no matter.

Face

Well said, sir! He is
The impudent’st rascal⁠—

Pertinax Surly

You are indeed: Will you hear me, sir?

Face

By no means: bid him be gone.

Kastril

Begone, sir, quickly.

Pertinax Surly

This ’s strange!⁠—Lady, do you inform your brother.

Face

There is not such a foist in all the town,
The Doctor had him presently; and finds yet,
The Spanish Count will come here.
Aside.
—Bear up, Subtle.

Subtle

Yes, sir, he must appear within this hour.

Face

And yet this rogue would come in a disguise,
By the temptation of another spirit,
To trouble our art, though he could not hurt it!

Kastril

Ay,
I know⁠—
To his sister.
Away, you talk like a foolish mauther.

Pertinax Surly

Sir, all is truth she says.

Face

Do not believe him, sir.
He is the lying’st swabber! Come your ways, sir.

Pertinax Surly

You are valiant out of company!

Kastril

Yes, how then, sir?

Enter Drugger, with a piece of damask. Face

Nay, here’s an honest fellow, too, that knows him,
And all his tricks. Make good what I say, Abel,
Aside to Drugger.
This cheater would have cozened thee o’ the widow.⁠—
He owes this honest Drugger here, seven pound,
He has had on him, in twopenny ’orths of tobacco.

Drugger

Yes, sir. And he has damned himself three terms to pay me.

Face

And what does he owe for lotium?

Drugger

Thirty shillings, sir;
And for six syringes.

Pertinax Surly

Hydra of villainy!

Face

Nay, sir, you must quarrel him out o’ the house.

Kastril

I will:
—Sir, if you get not out of doors, you lie;
And you are a pimp.

Pertinax Surly

Why, this is madness, sir,
Not valour in you; I must laugh at this.

Kastril

It is my humour: you are a pimp and a trig,
And an Amadis de Gaul, or a Don Quixote.

Drugger

Or a knight o’ the curious coxcomb, do you see?

Enter Ananias. Ananias

Peace to the household!

Kastril

I’ll keep peace for no man.

Ananias

Casting of dollars is concluded lawful.

Kastril

Is he the constable?

Subtle

Peace, Ananias.

Face

No, sir.

Kastril

Then you are an otter, and a shad, a whit,
A very tim.

Pertinax Surly

You’ll hear me, sir?

Kastril

I will not.

Ananias

What is the motive?

Subtle

Zeal in the young gentleman,
Against his Spanish slops.

Ananias

They are profane,
Lewd, superstitious, and idolatrous breeches.

Pertinax Surly

New rascals!

Kastril

Will you begone, sir?

Ananias

Avoid, Satan!
Thou art not of the light: That ruff of pride
About thy neck, betrays thee; and is the same
With that which the unclean birds, in seventy-seven,
Were seen to prank it with on diverse coasts:
Thou look’st like Antichrist, in that lewd hat.

Pertinax Surly

I must give way.

Kastril

Be gone, sir.

Pertinax Surly

But I’ll take
A course with you⁠—

Ananias

Depart, proud Spanish fiend!

Pertinax Surly

Captain and Doctor.

Ananias

Child of perdition!

Kastril

Hence, sir!⁠—

Exit Surly.

Did I not quarrel bravely?

Face

Yes, indeed, sir.

Kastril

Nay, an I give my mind to’t, I shall do’t.

Face

O, you must follow, sir, and threaten him tame:
He’ll turn again else.

Kastril

I’ll return him then.

Exit. Subtle takes Ananias aside. Face

Drugger, this rogue prevented us for thee:
We had determined that thou should’st have come
In a Spanish suit, and have carried her so; and he,
A brokerly slave! Goes, puts it on himself.
Hast brought the damask?

Drugger

Yes, sir.

Face

Thou must borrow
A Spanish suit. Hast thou no credit with the players?

Drugger

Yes, sir; did you never see me play the Fool?

Face

I know not, Nab: Aside.⁠—Thou shalt, if I can help it.⁠—
Hieronimo’s old cloak, ruff, and hat will serve;
I’ll tell thee more when thou bring’st ’em.

Exit Drugger. Ananias

Sir, I know
The Spaniard hates the Brethren, and hath spies
Upon their actions: and that this was one
I make no scruple.⁠—But the holy Synod
Have been in prayer and meditation for it;
And ’tis revealed no less to them than me,
That casting of money is most lawful.

Subtle

True.
But here I cannot do it: if the house
Should chance to be suspected, all would out,
And we be locked up in the Tower forever,
To make gold there for the state, never come out;
And then are you defeated.

Ananias

I will tell
This to the Elders and the weaker Brethren,
That the whole company of the separation
May join in humble prayer again.

Subtle

And fasting.

Ananias

Yea, for some fitter place. The peace of mind
Rest with these walls!

Exit. Subtle

Thanks, courteous Ananias.

Face

What did he come for?

Subtle

About casting dollars,
Presently out of hand. And so I told him,
A Spanish minister came here to spy,
Against the faithful⁠—

Face

I conceive. Come, Subtle,
Thou art so down upon the least disaster!
How wouldst thou ha’ done, if I had not help’t thee out?

Subtle

I thank thee, Face, for the angry boy, i’faith.

Face

Who would have looked it should have been that rascal,
Surly? He had dyed his beard and all. Well, sir.
Here’s damask come to make you a suit.

Subtle

Where’s Drugger?

Face

He is gone to borrow me a Spanish habit;
I’ll be the count, now.

Subtle

But where’s the widow?

Face

Within, with my lord’s sister; Madam Dol
Is entertaining her.

Subtle

By your favour, Face,
Now she is honest, I will stand again.

Face

You will not offer it.

Subtle

Why?

Face

Stand to your word,
Or⁠—here comes Dol, she knows⁠—

Subtle

You are tyrannous still.

Enter Dol, hastily. Face

Strict for my right.⁠—How now, Dol!
Hast [thou] told her,
The Spanish count will come?

Dol Common

Yes; but another is come,
You little looked for!

Face

Who’s that?

Dol Common

Your master;
The master of the house.

Subtle

How, Dol!

Face

She lies,
This is some trick. Come, leave your quiblins, Dorothy.

Dol Common

Look out, and see.

Face goes to the window. Subtle

Art thou in earnest?

Dol Common

’Slight,
Forty of the neighbours are about him, talking.

Face

’Tis he, by this good day.

Dol Common

’Twill prove ill day
For some on us.

Face

We are undone, and taken.

Dol Common

Lost, I’m afraid.

Subtle

You said he would not come,
While there died one a week within the liberties.

Face

No: ’twas within the walls.

Subtle

Was’t so! Cry you