Etiquette and Vitriol by Nicky Silver (best books to read for students TXT) 📕

and clawed his way to waiter.

TOMMY: I have ambitions.

GRACE: It’s obvious. You have winning ways.

EMMA: You may not be able to tell by looking at him now, Mother, but Tommy’s going to be very important.

GRACE: Head waiter?

TOMMY: There are no head waiters in Salad City.

GRACE: I don’t mean to be unenthusiastic. Really, I don’t. I’ve no intentions of squashing your romance, but Emma, I have to say, I have my doubts.

EMMA: Why can’t you be supportive?

GRACE: I just don’t think a waiter is for you.

EMMA: I hate you!

GRACE: My daughter is used to the finer things. Godiva chocolates. Prescription pills.

TOMMY: I won’t be a waiter forever.

EMMA: You just don’t want me to be happy!

TOMMY: I have plans.

GRACE: Thank goodness. What are they?

TOMMY: I’m thinking of going into law. Or medicine. Or maybe banking.

GRACE: Mr. Duncan is in banking.

TOMMY: But what I really want to do is direct.

EMMA: Tommy’s a genius.

TOMMY: I love the movies.

GRACE: I never go.

TOMMY: You’re kidding!

GRACE: Sex and violence, violence and sex. Bare breasts and imitation butter.

TOMMY (Passionate): Have you ever seen Hiroshima, Mon Amour?

GRACE: I missed it.

TOMMY: I have vision!

EMMA: Mother. I love Tommy. And I intend to marry him.

GRACE: I see. (Pause) Well, first thing we’ll have to do is get you out of that restaurant. It really won’t do. Where do you live?

TOMMY: When I left the orphanage, I took a furnished room on Market Street.

GRACE: I see.

TOMMY: But I had to give it up, tips not being what I’d hoped for.

EMMA: They expect him to wear tight jeans and keep his shirt unbuttoned.

TOMMY (Ashamed): Did you ever see The Night Porter?

GRACE: No. And now?

TOMMY: I have a lean-to on Lancaster Pike.

GRACE: Oh.

TOMMY: It’s not bad. It’s nice really—except when it rains.

GRACE: Hmmmm. (Pause) I know! You’ll stay here! With us!

TOMMY: Well—

EMMA: That’s a wonderful idea!

TOMMY: I’m afraid I couldn’t do that.

GRACE: Why not?

TOMMY: I have my pride.

EMMA: Tommy!

TOMMY (Proud): Did you ever see The Grapes of Wrath?

GRACE: I’ll tell you what—you can earn your keep!

TOMMY: Doing what?

GRACE: Well, Flo seems to be in absentia. You can be the maid!

TOMMY: I don’t know—

EMMA (To Grace): You’re a genius!

TOMMY: I don’t think—

GRACE: Perhaps Mr. Duncan could find you something at the bank, but I hate to ask him—he’s been so overwrought lately. If you prove yourself as the maid then he’ll have to give you a job!

TOMMY: Couldn’t we just—

GRACE: It’s settled. You need a job and I need a servant!

TOMMY: But—

GRACE: No, no! I’ve decided. And when I decide something I decide it. Now, come along with me and we’ll see if that old Flo left any uniforms in her closet—you’ll love the servants’ quarters. Pale blue with little ducks on the baseboard— then you can draw me a bath!

TOMMY: Emma!

GRACE (Ushering Tommy off): You can have Mondays and every other Sunday off. Unless of course we’re entertaining. Can you make Bananas Foster? Flo made a divine Bananas Foster!

TOMMY: Of course not.

GRACE (Exiting): It’s easy! You take several ripe bananas and a bottle of brandy, sauté in butter, halve the bananas, flambé and serve, at once, à la mode.

(Grace and Tommy are gone. Emma goes to her purse and takes a pill. She addresses the audience. As she speaks, Todd enters, unnoticed by her, through the terrace doors.)

EMMA: I know I shouldn’t. But one can’t hurt, and dear God, I’m in continual pain. My skin is killing me. I feel as if this weren’t my skin at all. It’s someone else’s skin. It’s the skin of a tiny child and it’s been stretched over my body. I’m sorry, I’m Emma Duncan. Welcome. I don’t mind telling you I’m glad that’s over. Mother can be so overbearing. I know she means well. I know she loves me. I know it, I know it, I know it, I know it. But that doesn’t make her any easier to take and Tommy doesn’t have much self-confidence. But he does have beautiful hair and lips like pudding. Doesn’t he? I think I love him very much. I dream about him every night—

TODD: Hello.

EMMA (Startled): What?!

TODD: I said hello.

EMMA: Where did you come from?

TODD: I walked from the train station.

EMMA (Nervous and afraid of him): How did you get in here?

TODD: I just want to lie down.

EMMA: I asked you a question!

TODD: The door was open.

EMMA: That door is locked!

TODD: No, it’s not.

EMMA: What do you want?

TODD: I need a place to live. I need a place to sleep. I’ve been traveling so long. I’ve been walking forever.

EMMA: Don’t sit down!

TODD: Everything’s different.

EMMA: What are you talking about?

TODD: The furniture’s different.

EMMA: Different from what?

TODD: The sofa is new.

EMMA: Do you want money? Is that what you want?

TODD: I don’t want any money.

EMMA: Why are you staring at me?!

TODD: You look so different.

EMMA: Don’t come at me—

TODD: You look beautiful.

EMMA: Get out of here!

TODD: Don’t you recognize me?

EMMA: Just go, please!

TODD: You don’t remember me?

EMMA: We’ve never met—

TODD (Approaching her): Of course we have.

EMMA: Stay away!

TODD: Don’t be afraid.

EMMA: Stay where you are!

TODD: I’m your brother.

EMMA: I don’t have a brother!

TODD: I’ve been away a long time.

EMMA: My stomach hurts.

TODD: But I’m back.

EMMA: My skin is too tight.

TODD: What’s wrong with you?

EMMA: I don’t have any brothers or sisters!

TODD: Look at me!

EMMA: My father’ll be home soon! If you touch me, he’ll kill you!

TODD: Look at me Emma!

EMMA: He’s the chief of police! He’s a Nazi! He’ll kill you!

TODD (Grabbing her): Think!

EMMA: Let me go!

TODD: Remember growing up!

EMMA: You’re hurting me!

TODD: We played games!

EMMA: Oh God! You’re going to rape me, aren’t you! GOD! DADDY! GOD! HELP ME!

TODD: Think!

(She breaks free.)

Emma!?

EMMA (Threatening him with a letter opener): I don’t know who you are, but get out of here or I’ll kill you myself! I WILL!

TODD: I just needed a place to stay—

(Grace rushes on.)

GRACE: Emma! What on earth’s going— (She sees Todd) Todd?

TODD: Mother.

(Grace and Todd embrace.)

EMMA (To herself): There’s something wrong with me. There’s something very wrong.

GRACE: Let me look at you!

TODD: How are you Mother?

GRACE: Emma, why didn’t