Drop Dead Healthy by A. Jacobs (books to read to increase intelligence .TXT) 📕

most romantic of settings, unless you happen to be a fan of Mistress Roxy’s Dungeon Club. The husbands were covered with electrodes and kiss-preventing face masks to measure their breathing rates. Regardless, the conclusion was that, yes, sex does provide moderate exercise, and that the man-on-top missionary position burned the most calories for men. (The women’s exertions, unfairly enough, went unmeasured.)

Which brings me to the practical question: In terms of optimum health, how often should I be engaging in said horizontal workout? I asked Dr. Debra Herbenick of the Kinsey Institute. She said it’s hard to say. There’s no scientific consensus.

But it does seem that this is one area where more is almost surely better, at least up to a point.

Julie doesn’t want me saying exactly how often we have sex. That is probably just as well. But she will let me say that it’s somewhere below the U.S. average, which, according to a 2001 survey, is 132 times per year. However, it’s above the Japanese average, which is 37 times per year. (And yet Japan has a high percentage of centenarians, so an idle libido isn’t necessarily a death sentence.)

Early on in this project, I proposed an every-night schedule for the book, a Hail Mary that, frankly, neither of us wanted. So that went nowhere. But for the sake of health, I should at least try to nudge us up to the putative U.S. average.

So on a Thursday night, I start Project Libido.

I’ve been researching aphrodisiacs in an effort to enlist some chemical help and I’ve prepared a romantic meal for our special night:

Brazil nuts

celery and peanut butter

red ginseng

asparagus

walnuts

All are alleged to boost the sex drive, some with bioflavonoids to open up the blood vessels, others by raising testosterone, and still others by mimicking pheromones.

I laid them all out on a tray and brought them to Julie while she was watching Mad Men. A devoted wife, Julie took a bite out of each one, save the peanut butter (she hates it). She continues watching Mad Men. It’s been ten minutes, and so far she hasn’t ripped off her bra and jumped on top of me.

After the show, we go to the bedroom. I’ve brought a water mister and I spritz the air in our bedroom with a special concoction.

“What’s in that?” asks Julie.

“This scent causes the biggest increase in blood flow to women’s privates, according to one study.”

Julie sniffs the air. “I can’t place it.”

“Good and Plenty and cucumber,” I say.

Earlier, I’d soaked five pieces of the candy and three slices of cucumber in a glass of water, then poured it into the sprayer.

“Someone actually tested that? Good and Plenty and cucumber? That’s the combination they came up with?” she asks.

“That’s what the science says.”

“What about Mike and Ike and turnips?”

“It’s under review.”

She’s not annoyed, just incredulous. Unfortunately, Julie might be right to be a little skeptical. When I later asked Rockefeller University odor researcher Leslie Vosshall about it, she said, “Ah, the famous Good and Plenty study. Well, it hasn’t been replicated. It’s not one of the most pressing issues in biomedical research.”

Here’s the sad news. Almost all existing aphrodisiacs are scientifically dubious. There’s a whiff of evidence that daily ingestion of red ginseng can boost libido a bit. One meta-analysis says that maca powder and saffron might also be effective. But overall, science hasn’t yet cracked the code. They may soon. But not yet. Earlier this week, I’d e-mailed Dr. Helen Fisher for aphrodisiac advice. Fisher is a Rutgers professor, the author of Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love, and the expert on this topic. She wrote me back:

There are only a couple true aphrodisiacs: testosterone, and perhaps dopamine.

There is no evidence at all that any particular food or liquor stimulates sex drive. But testosterone does. This is the hormone of sexual desire. And these days, it is available by injection, patch, or cream.

Doctors often prescribe a dopamine agonist instead, though. Dopamine [a neurochemical associated with pleasure] does seem to stimulate sexual desire, but not directly. It probably does it by triggering the activity of testosterone, as these two chemical systems tend to stimulate each other.

So if you are really thinking of a “natural aphrodisiac,” go do something thrilling together. Novelty, danger, and excitement all drive up dopamine in the brain.

Skip the food and take a vacation together to somewhere new. The novelty will do what oysters and peanut butter never will.

A vacation isn’t on the horizon right now, not with the kids anchoring us to the apartment. So my brainstorm? Julie loves roller coasters. Roller coasters are exciting. The iPhone has a remarkably lifelike roller-coaster game.

When I show her the iPhone app, Julie gives me a look that says, and I’m paraphrasing here, “I appreciate the thought, but that’s not going to work, so you can put it away now.” I put it away.

“Okay, then. Let’s go burn some calories,” I tell Julie.

I know. Not exactly the eighteenth sonnet.

But I wanted to remind Julie that sex can be legitimate exercise. I even had the data to back it up. Two weeks ago, I bought a gadget called a Fitbit—a black, french-fry-size, motion-sensor device you clip to your waistband. It links to the Internet and keeps track of calories you expend.

To help with the calculations, Fitbit’s website has a list of activities along with the estimated calories burned per hour. It’s a long list. We’re not just talking about walking, running, and jumping rope. They’ve listed any activity you can think of.

     Vacuuming? That’s 238 calories per hour.

     Shuffleboard? 204 calories.

     Cooking Indian bread on an outside stove? Also 204 calories per hour.

     I show the printout to Julie, as we sit on the bed. She reads:

     Sexual activity—passive, light effort, kissing, hugging—68 calories.

     Sexual activity—general, moderate effort—88.

     Sexual activity—active, vigorous effort—102 calories per hour.

“Moderate effort sounds good,” says Julie.

I agree. We’re not vigorous-effort types anymore.

Besides, she points out, if we want a workout afterward, we can always groom a horse (408 calories