Lock, Stock, and Feral by Addison Moore (free e novels .txt) 📕

She opens her laptop and a picture flashes over the entirety of the screen with far too much flesh and far too many curves.

An entire chorus of screams goes off, and Clyde bolts from my mother’s arms, stepping on her keyboard and inadvertently launching an entire montage of horrifying pictures of my mother.

Tasteful, my foot—and how I wish it was only my mother’s foot we were seeing.

“All right,” Jasper shouts, holding up a hand in my brother’s direction. “You’re clearly too close to the situation for this. I’ll look at the pictures myself.”

“What?” Huxley thunders as he gives Jasper a firm shove.

Macy gasps as she scoops up Clyde. “They’re going to fight! No offense to Jasper, but my money’s on Hux. He might just kill somebody today.”

Fish mewls, Sorry, Bizzy, but I’m siding with Macy. It’s Huxley’s mother, after all.

True.

Georgie claps up a storm. “Isn’t this great, Preppy?” She’s quick to goad my mother. “You’ve finally got two men fighting over your naked body. It’s as if all of your fantasies are coming true today.”

Mom glowers over at her gray-haired business partner. “You know what else I fantasize about? Wrapping my hands around your neck.”

“All right,” I shout. “Nobody kills anyone.” I quickly fill Hux and Macy in on the threat my mother received.

“Knew it,” Hux growls as he rolls up his sleeves. “All right, Jasper. We’re going in and we’re going to nail that bastard to a wall. Romero or whatever his name is—he’s going to do some prison time over this.”

“What?” Mom squawks. “No, no, no! Romero is innocent in all this. I spoke with him this morning and he said his computer must have been hacked. He says it’s a common but unfortunate occurrence.”

“He’s not wrong.” Jasper gives her an affable yet short-lived smile, the same one he uses when he’s trying to defuse a situation. “All we need to do is speak to him ourselves. I have a few questions to ask him that might lead to the true perpetrator, and since time is of the essence, I suggest you give him a call right now.”

Mom’s mouth opens and closes. “I can’t just call him out of the blue.”

“You just said you spoke to him this morning,” Macy is quick to point out.

“I did, on the internet. We converse through emails and text messages. Besides, I don’t even have his phone number.”

Jasper fiddles with her phone. “And I’m calling him.” He holds up the phone and puts it on speaker.

“What?” Mom sounds terrified by the prospect. “But I don’t even have his number.”

“You’ve been texting him,” Jasper points out. “You may not have realized it, but you definitely have his number.”

Two solid rings drift by.

“Wait a minute.” Mom looks panicked as her fingers drum over her throat. “He’s in France. They’re six hours ahead of us.”

Hux nods. “And that means it’s eight at night. I highly doubt he’s in bed yet.”

It rings two more times and Mom gives an exasperated sigh.

“Of course, he’s not picking up,” she says. “He probably doesn’t recognize the number.”

But before we can offer a rebuttal, the phone stops ringing as someone picks up.

“Hello?” the curt voice of what sounds like an older woman answers.

“Yes.” Jasper pulls the phone close. “May I please speak to Romero?”

The line goes dead and nobody breathes.

“There you go.” Mom shoots Jasper a look as if it were all his fault. “You probably called the wrong number.”

“I’m sorry, Mom,” Macy says as both Jasper and Hux head back to the laptop. “But you’re being catfished. That woman? That was probably Romero. And I’m guessing she’s mighty miffed she’s not getting her twenty-five grand.”

“Oh, I’m paying,” Mom says it with such conviction it’s frightening. “There’s no way I want my face or any other part of me out there for the world to see. I’ll just chalk it up to an expensive life lesson. Those are my pictures, and I want the rights back.”

“You tell ’em, Toots,” Georgie shouts while noshing on one of Emmie’s pistachio pudding cookies. “Nobody puts your derrière on a T-shirt but me. Don’t you worry, sister. I’ll make sure our line of your nudie pics is nothing but top quality. And we’ll charge a premium for them, too. People appreciate art more when there’s a hefty price tag attached.”

Sherlock barks my way. You should do it, too, Bizzy.

“No way,” I say to both the pooch and Georgie.

You should, Clyde insists. Sherlock always has the best ideas, she mewls as she jumps down and begins rubbing her face against his leg. And maybe you could sell them in the gift shop at the inn?

Gift shop?

Fish mewls up at me, Oh, why didn’t we think of that, Bizzy?

“I’m not selling nude pictures of myself to boost sales at the inn,” I say a touch too loud and everyone in here looks my way.

Jasper sheds a devilish grin. If you change your mind, I’ll be happy to play the part of photographer.

Hux shakes his head at my mother. “Way to be an example for your daughters.”

Mom balks, “I never wanted them to see those naughty shots, let alone emulate them. Besides, I got the idea from Macy. There was no way I could think of this on my own.”

My sister tries to bury a giggle fit with her hand. “Mom walked into Lather and Light last month while I was having a rather lively exchange with one of those men you were investigating.” She gives me the side-eye. “Speaking of which, I’d better text James back.” She takes off toward the corner and starts tapping away into her phone.

Hux and Jasper settle in behind my mother’s laptop, moaning and groaning as they pilfer through her emails and crass photos. Something tells me I’ll need to figure out a way to disinfect Jasper’s mind afterwards.

“All right, Biz.” Georgie slings her arm over my shoulders. “Where to? I can’t sit here all day looking at nudie pictures of your mother. I’ve already seen ’em