Discovering Truths by B. Benfield (chrysanthemum read aloud .TXT) 📕

a deep breath. I wasn’t sure if the breath was for relief, happiness, or my fear of what if, but I pushed everything aside and climbed in his truck. Once inside, I sat with my back against the passenger window, as far from him as possible.

“Hey.” I said softly.

“Hey,” he said. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah…it has.”

Of course it had to be raining that day and I was suddenly paranoid about my frizzy hair and smudged make-up.

“This rain though…got me looking a mess.” I said.

“You look beautiful. I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too,” I said, avoiding his eyes. I didn’t want him to see me cry, but then again, maybe he should. I needed him to know how true my feelings were.

“Hey, look at me,” he said, gently placing his fingers under my chin.

I shook my head. “I don’t want to cry.”

“Why would you cry?”

“I just love you so much. It’s physically hurt me to not be with you,” I explained. “Now here you are again, and I can’t believe it’s real, and that hurt is something I can’t go through again.”

He grabbed both of my hands in his and linked our fingers together. “I’m not going to hurt you. I told you, being without you made me realize a lot of things. We’re going to figure this out. I can’t be without you any longer.”

We’re going to figure this out. What did that mean? We were going to figure out what exactly? A future? I didn’t care as long as it involved us together.

As I processed his words, he pulled me into him, crashing his lips into mine. As his tongue tied with mine, I lost all care in the world. Everything with Gage felt right and natural, even though both of us knew we were still a mess. He made me believe that our mess didn’t matter. We were going to get through it together.

“Abby…my gosh…I’ve missed that, and you.”

“Me too.”

I’d never get tired of hearing him repeat those words. It validated all my feelings and that’s what I needed. I needed to know that I wasn’t in this alone.

“So, does this mean we’re back together?” he asked.

I looked at him questionably. “I didn’t know that you ever put a label on us.”

“I’d like to consider us boyfriend/girlfriend.” He said.

“I feel like more of a side piece.” Although it sounded awful, it was the dirty truth.

“Don’t say that. It’s not like that. We’re not like that. You’re so much more to me than a side piece. I love you, Abby.”

“I love you too, Gage.”

We spent the rest of our time kissing and talking about random things. It felt so good to be with him again, I didn’t care what we were doing as long as we were together. I’d almost considered calling Mike and telling him that I’d come down with something, just so I could stay with Gage, but I knew I had to put some distance between us. Everything was coming on strong, and he’d already left me once. I believed him when he said he loved me, but I still couldn’t control the paranoia in the back of my mind. I loved Gage so much and I hoped for the best between us, but I still expected the worst.

***

Back at work, I felt like a new woman. Being with Gage made me feel alive, but like I was actually living. This feeling is all I’d ever wanted.

Melinda called and asked me to meet her for dinner. She wouldn’t elaborate on any details, so I was unsure of her current situation with her husband.

When I arrived, she was already there waiting.

“Hey,” I said, pulling out the chair in front of her. “Sorry. Traffic.”

“It’s all good,” she said. “I already ordered for us.”

“So, what’s up? Did you talk to Jon?”

“Not yet,” she said. “I kind of want to have a game plan first. I have an idea…and it’s kind of why I asked you to meet tonight. I wanted to see what you think about it.”

“Okay…”  I said. I didn’t know where she was going with this, but now I was intrigued.

“Why don’t we get an apartment together? That way we both have somewhere to go.”

“Um, well, that sounds great in theory, but I haven’t even thought about leaving Marcus yet.”

Especially now that Gage and I were back together. Him and I had to figure out our situation and what we were going to do moving forward, but I definitely wasn’t going to share that bit of information with her. I knew she’d die if she knew I was involved with him again, and I didn’t want to add any stress to her plate. That was the last thing she needed.

“What? You said you think about it all the time.” She said.

“Well, I mean, thoughts do cross my mind, but I haven’t thought about actually doing it. I mean, we both have a lot invested.”

“You two are a mess. You need to get out of it and start over. It’s not like you have kids, or anything holding you there. Why are you still holding on?”

If she only knew…that was a question I asked myself every single day.

“To be honest, Mel, I don’t know. I’m scared. I’m scared of leaving, scared of the process, scared of divorce. It’s overwhelming. Given my current state of mind, it’s not an emotion I think I could handle right now. That’s why I’m back in therapy. Trying to work on things…”

My therapy attendance was iffy, but it seemed like a good enough excuse to get me through.

“I guess I understand. It is scary, but I can’t hold on to something that isn’t there any longer.”

“I wish I could be that strong.” I said. Maybe it was