He Who Gets Slapped by Leonid Andreyev (children's ebooks free online .TXT) 📕

night? You? a couple of musical donkeys? Tigers, lions? Nobody cares for those hungry cats! Zinida Leave the tigers alone. Mancini Beg your pardon, Zinida. I did not mean to hurt your feelings⁠—honestly. I really marvel at your furious audacity⁠—at your grace⁠—you are a heroine⁠—I kiss your tiny hands. But what do they understand about heroism? An orchestra softly plays the Tango in the circus. He continues with enthusiasm. Hear! hear! Now tell me, honest vagabonds, who but Consuelo and Bezano draws the crowds! That Tango on horseback⁠—it is⁠—it is⁠—Oh, the devil! Even his fatuousness the Pope could not withstand its lure. Polly True! It’s a great trick⁠—wasn’t the idea Bezano’s? Mancini Idea! Idea! The lad’s in love, like a cat⁠—that’s the idea. What’s the good of an idea without a woman! You wouldn’t dance very far with your idea alone, eh, Papa Briquet? Briquet We have a contract. Mancini Such base formalities. Zinida Give him ten francs and let him go. Mancini Ten! Never! Fifteen! Don’t be stubborn, Papa. For the traditions of my house⁠—twenty. I swear⁠—on my honour⁠—I can’t do with less. Briquet hands him twenty francs. Nonchalantly. Merci. Thanks. Zinida Why don’t you take it from your baron? Mancini Raising his eyebrows haughtily, quite indignant. From the Baron? Woman! who do you think I am that I should be beholden to a stranger? Zinida You’re plotting something artful. I know you very little, but I guess you’re an awful scoundrel. Mancini Laughs. Such an insult from such beautiful lips. Enter an “artist,” apparently an athlete. Athlete Papa Briquet, there’s a gentleman from beyond the grave asking for you. Actress A ghost? Athlete No. He seems alive. Did you ever see a drunken ghost? Briquet If he’s drunk, tell him I’m out, Thomas. Does he want to see me or the Count? Athlete No, you. Maybe he’s not drunk, but just a ghost. Mancini Draws himself together, puffs up. A society man? Athlete Yes. I’ll tell him to come in. One hears the whip cracking in the ring. The Tango sounds very low and distant⁠—then comes nearer⁠—louder. Silence. Briquet Touching Zinida’s arm. Tired? Zinida Drawing back a little. No. Polly Your red lion is nervous today, Zinida! Zinida You shouldn’t tease him. Polly I played a melody from Traviata for him. And he sang with me. Wouldn’t that be a good trick to stage, Papa Briquet? Thomas brings in the gentleman, points out the manager, and goes heavily away. The gentleman is not young, and he is ugly, but his rather strange face is bold and lively. He wears an expensive overcoat, with a fur collar, and holds his hat and gloves in his hand. Gentleman Bowing and smiling. Have I the pleasure of addressing the manager? Briquet Yes. Won’t you sit down, please? Tilly, bring a chair. Gentleman Oh! Don’t trouble. Looks around. These are your artists? Very glad⁠— Mancini Straightening and bowing slightly. Count Mancini. Gentleman Surprised. Count? Briquet Indignantly. Yes, Count. And whom have I the honour of⁠— Gentleman I don’t quite know myself⁠—yet. As a rule you choose your own names, don’t you? I have not chosen yet. Later you might advise me about it. I have an idea already, but I am afraid it sounds too much like literature⁠—you know. Briquet Literature? Gentleman Yes! Too sophisticated. They all look surprised. I presume these two gentlemen are clowns? I am so glad. May I shake hands with them? Stands up and shakes hands with clowns, who make silly faces. Briquet Excuse me⁠—but what can I do for you? Gentleman With the same pleasant, confident smile. Oh. You do something for me? No. I want to do something for you, Papa Briquet. Briquet Papa Briquet? But you don’t look like⁠— Gentleman Reassuringly. It’s all right. I shall become “like.” These two gentlemen just made remarkable faces. Would you like to see me imitate them? Look! He makes the same silly faces as the clowns. Briquet Yes! Involuntarily. You are not drunk, sir? Gentleman No. I don’t drink as a rule. Do I look drunk? Polly A little. Gentleman No⁠—I don’t drink. It is a peculiarity of my talent. Briquet Familiarly. Where did you work before? Juggler? Gentleman No. But I am glad you feel in me a comrade, Papa Briquet. Unfortunately I am not a juggler, and have worked nowhere⁠—I am⁠—just so. Mancini But you look like a society man. Gentleman Oh, you flatter me, Count. I am just so. Briquet Well, what do you want? You see I am obliged to tell you that everything is taken. Gentleman That’s immaterial. I want to be a clown, if you will allow me. Some of the actors smile, Briquet begins to grow angry. Briquet But what can you do? You’re asking too much. What can you do? Gentleman Why! Nothing! Isn’t that funny! I can’t do a thing. Briquet No, it’s not funny. Any scoundrel knows that much. Gentleman Rather helpless, but still smiling and looking around. We can invent something⁠— Briquet Ironically. From literature? The clown Jackson enters slowly without being noticed by the others. He stands behind the gentlemen. Gentleman Yes, one can find something literary, too. A nice little speech for instance on, let’s say, a religious topic. Something like a debate among the clowns. Briquet A debate! The devil! This is no academy. Gentleman Sadly. I am very sorry. Something else then. Perhaps a joke about the creation of the world and its rulers? Briquet What about the police? No, no⁠—nothing like that! Jackson Coming forward. The rulers of the world? You don’t like them? I don’t either. Shake. Briquet Introducing. Our chief clown, the famous Jackson. Gentleman Enthusiastically. Great heavens⁠—you! Allow me to shake hands with you heartily! You, with your genius, you have given me so much joy! Jackson I’m glad indeed! Briquet Shrugs his shoulders; to Jackson. He wants to be a clown! Look him over, Jim. Jackson makes a motion at which the gentleman hurriedly removes his coat and throws it on a chair. He is ready for the examination. Jackson turns him round, looking him over critically. Jackson Clown? Hm! Turn round then. Clown? Yes?