He Who Gets Slapped by Leonid Andreyev (children's ebooks free online .TXT) 📕
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A mysterious gentleman arrives at Papa Briquet’s circus, and applies to be a clown; unable to do a backflip, and with the circus unwilling to accept the idea of political discourse among the clowns, they settle together on the role of He Who Gets Slapped. Unfortunately for the troupe, He has motives for joining that aren’t immediately apparent; motives that start to threaten the integrity of the circus.
He Who Gets Slapped was first presented in Moscow in 1915 to enthusiastic audiences, although critics at the time were confused about Leonid Andreyev’s subtexts. It is his most famous play, at least partially due to the later release in 1924 of a film adaptation by the newly-formed MGM Studios.
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- Author: Leonid Andreyev
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that your father is just a charlatan?
Consuelo
Oh! Don’t say that—Father is such a dear.
Baron
Did you like the jewels?
Consuelo
Yes, very much. I was very sorry when Father told me I must return them. He said it would not be nice for me to keep them. I even cried a little about it.
Baron
Your father is only a beggar and a charlatan.
Consuelo
Oh, no, don’t scold him—he loves you so much.
Baron
Let me kiss your hand—
Consuelo
Oh, no, it isn’t proper! One may kiss the hand only when one says how do you do or goodbye. But in the meantime you can’t.
Baron
Everybody is in love with you, that is why you and your father make such a fuss about yourselves. Who is that new clown they call He? I don’t like him, he’s too shrewd a beast. … Is he in love with you, too? I noticed the way he looked at you. …
Consuelo
Laughing. Nothing of the kind. He is so funny! He got fifty-two slaps yesterday. We counted them. Think of it, fifty-two slaps! Father said, “if they had only been gold pieces.”
Baron
And Bezano, Consuelo. … Do you like him?
Consuelo
Yes, very much. He is so good-looking. He says that Bezano and I are the most beautiful couple in the world. He calls him Adam, and me Eve. But that’s improper, isn’t it? He is so improper.
Baron
And does He speak to you very often?
Consuelo
Yes, often. … But I don’t understand him. It seems as if he were drunk.
Baron
“Consuelo”! … It means in Spanish … Consolation. Your father is an ass. … Consuelo, I love you.
Consuelo
Talk it over with Father.
Baron
Angry. Your father is a swindler and a charlatan. He should be turned over to the police. Don’t you understand that I cannot marry you?
Consuelo
But Father says you can. …
Baron
No, I cannot. And what if I shoot myself? Consuelo, silly girl, I love you unbearably … unbearably, do you understand? I am probably mad … and must be taken to a doctor, yanked about, beaten with sticks. Why do I love you so much, Consuelo?
Consuelo
Then, you’d better marry.
Baron
I have had a hundred women, beauties, but I didn’t see them. You are the first and I don’t see anyone else. Who strikes man with love, God or the Devil? The Devil struck me. Let me kiss your hand.
Consuelo
No. She thinks a while and sighs.
Baron
Do you think sometimes? What are you thinking about now Consuelo?
Consuelo
With another sigh. I don’t know why, I just felt sorry for Bezano. Sighs again. He is so nice to me when he teaches me … and he has such a tiny little room.
Baron
Indignant. You were there?
Consuelo
No. He told me about it. Smiling. Do you hear the noise in there? That’s He getting slapped. Poor thing … although I know it doesn’t hurt, it’s only make-believe. The intermission is coming soon.
The Baron throws away his cigar, takes two quick steps forward, and falls on his knees before the girl.
Baron
Consuelo—
Consuelo
Please, don’t. Get up. Please leave my hand alone.
Baron
Consuelo!
Consuelo
Disgusted. Get up please, it’s disgusting—you’re so fat.
The Baron gets up. Voices are heard near the door and in the ring. It is the intermission. The clowns come first, talking cheerfully and excitedly. He leads them, in his clown’s dress, with painted eyebrows and white nose; the others are applauding him. Voices of the actors calling: “Bravo! He.” Then come the actors and actresses, riding-masters, and the rest, all in costume. Zinida is not among them. Papa Briquet comes a little later.
Polly
A hundred slaps! Bravo, He!
Jackson
Not bad, not bad at all. You’ll make a career.
Tilly
He was the Professor today, and we were the students. Here goes another! Gives him a clown’s slap. Laughter. All bid good evening to the Baron. He is politely rude to these vagabonds who bore him, and remains silent. They seem quite used to it. Enter Mancini. He is the same, and with the same cane.
Mancini
Shaking hands. What a success, Baron—and think of it—how the crowd does love slaps. Whispering. Your knees are dusty, Baron, brush them off. The floor is very dirty in here. Aloud. Consuelo, dear child, how do you feel? Goes over to his daughter. Sound of laughing, chattering. The waiters from the buffet in the lobby bring in soda and wine. Consuelo’s voice it heard.
Consuelo
And where is Bezano?
He
Bows before the Baron, affecting intimacy. You do not recognize me, Baron?
Baron
Yes I do. You are the clown, He.
He
Yes I am He Who Gets Slapped. May I presume to ask you, Baron, did you get your jewels back?
Baron
What!
He
I was asked to return some jewels to you, and I take the liberty of—The Baron turns his back on him—He laughs loudly.
Jackson
Whiskey and soda! Believe me, ladies and gents, He will surely make a career. I am an old clown, and I know the crowd. Why today, he even eclipsed me—and clouds have covered my Sun. Striking it. They do not like puzzles, they want slaps! They are longing for them and dreaming about them in their homes. Your health, He! Another whiskey and soda! He got so many slaps today, there would be enough to go round the whole orchestra!
Tilly
I bet there wouldn’t! To Jackson. Shake!
Polly
I bet there wouldn’t—I’ll go and count the old mugs.
A Voice
The orchestra did not laugh—
Jackson
Because they were getting it, but the galleries did, because they were looking at the orchestra getting slapped. Your health, He!
He
Your’s Jim! Tell me, why didn’t you let me finish my speech—I was just getting a good start.
Jackson
Seriously. My friend, because your speech was a sacrilege. Politics—all right. Manners—as much as you want. But Providence—leave it in peace. And believe me, friend, I shut your mouth in time. Didn’t I, Papa Briquet?
Briquet
Coming
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