The Hardest Cut by Jamie Bennett (book club recommendations .TXT) 📕

the friends I didn’t have anymore, my bestie Hallie called.  I’d been driving very slowly back to my condo, even more slowly than my grandmother had before she passed away (and she considered anything over thirty to be speeding).  I wasn’t overly excited to sit by myself on the royal blue couch, the lime green walls glowing around me, the rainbow of pillows spilling onto the floor.

Yes, I’d over-personalized my condo with color and probably decreased the resale value because I’d thought that decorating would make me feel better, but hadn’t worked.  Really, nothing had made me any happier when Shep and I were together.  Not the sculptures and knickknacks which covered the tables, not the piles of soft throws and blankets, not even all the inspirational sayings I’d had framed and hung on my walls.  I had bought and bought and bought and my apartment was filled, but I had still been miserable.

And tonight, very late, I would be manning the hotline, which I had to do but was very hard for me.  The calls would come in until early in the morning and I’d hear terrible stories and do my best to give a listening ear and resources, if they wanted them.  I was trying to make amends.  I was really trying.

“I’m fine,” I answered Hallie’s first question after we said hello.  “Totally fine.”

“Hm.”  That small response was filled with a lot of disbelief.  “Marley and I were just talking about how we haven’t hung out with you in forever.  Come over tonight for dinner.  Gunnar’s going to break in the new grill on the deck since it’s so nice out.”

“Well…”

“What else were you planning?” Hallie asked.  “I know you’ve just been sitting on your couch and crying.”

“Not all the time!”

“Then what have you been doing?” she now demanded.  “You were too busy to take extra shifts at Holliday Booksellers.”

I couldn’t, not with all the cheerleading practices, and the tumbling lessons, and the dance classes, and everything else.  But I’d been avoiding Hallie, too.

“Marley is acting weird about you,” she continued.  “She told me that you were busy because you’re trying out bear baiting, and then she said you were doing all those stretches when you’re at the bookstore because you were thinking about running away to the circus and doing a high-wire act.  What’s really going on?”

“Um, you know, I would like to come to BBQ tonight,” I said quickly.  “That sounds fun.  What can I bring?”

That was enough to put her off the trail for a while, but I knew it wouldn’t last forever.  Hallie was just about the smartest person in Michigan, as far as I knew, and she was also pretty dog-on-a-bone stubborn.  Which was why, yes, I had been keeping my distance as much as I could.  I still wasn’t quite ready to let her know about trying out for the cheer squad, but I wouldn’t have to keep the secret much longer.  Soon, I’d be able to show everyone the rhinestones on my tiny, orange shorts and say, “I’m a Woodsmen dancer!”  Either that, or I’d be moving to the jungle where there was no cable TV and I couldn’t get a cell signal to watch the games.

I did go home and went straight to the bathroom, past the sign with a red arrow that urged me to “Keep the Chin UP!” and the other one that told me in gold lettering with fuchsia hearts that “love’s waiting…to find you…”  I got into the shower, where I used a quarter of a capful of the pricey gardenia bodywash I’d been hoarding to perk myself up.  It worked, a little.  As I blew out my hair in front of the mirror, I considered telling Hallie about the cheerleading squad.

If I was being totally honest with myself, which I was trying to be, I hadn’t been keeping it a secret only to spare her the upset if I didn’t make the team.  Hallie was very opposed to any and all activities which prioritized beauty and showing skin over other talents.  The Woodsmen squad’s appeal was our dancing and tumbling, for sure, but it was also a lot about how we looked those tiny shorts and halter tops.  I studied myself in the mirror and frowned.  Was that an age spot?  I rubbed the glass with my thumb.  No, only a splatter of foundation.  I finished up, grabbed some bottles of wine left over from parties of the past, and headed to Hallie’s.

“That’s a lot of steak,” I noted when I got to her house and made myself at home in their huge kitchen.  “A grand space, filled with simply the best!” read my mental house listing.  But there really was a meat mountain on the counter next to their fridge.  “Is Gunnar very hungry?”

“Today he is,” Hallie said, “but that’s for everyone.  I’m glad he’s getting some of his appetite back.  He was so upset, he couldn’t even eat for a while.”

My own eyes filled.  Poor guy.  He had looked ravaged after coming home from Minnesota, and I knew it would take longer than this to feel a little at peace with his dad’s death.  Wait, what had she said?  “Everyone?” I quoted.

Hallie nodded.  “I’m happy that he thought about asking some of the guys over tonight.  I think they’ll help him forget, just for a little while.”

“The guys?”  If that meant what I thought it did, that he had invited his friends from the Woodsmen, then—

“Gaby!” Marley called from upstairs.  “Can you come up here?  Right now?”

“Go help her, please,” Hallie requested.  “It’s about choosing something to wear, and you know I don’t have that talent.”

She had a lot of others, and I mentioned that before Marley yelled again, even more urgently.  I ran up the stairs and pushed her bedroom door, then put my shoulder into it to force it open.  It had snagged on a giant pile of clothes.

“What happened in here?” I asked, looking around at the mess.  “Did you