The Hardest Cut by Jamie Bennett (book club recommendations .TXT) 📕

gone better.”  I exhaled just as shakily.  “They were all very upset about the car, but they’re also pretty worked up about my job.  I think I’ve told you that I plan to start my own real estate brokerage.  It takes a lot to get that going, and I guess…no, I’m sure that I haven’t done enough.  I just, I don’t know, every time I sit down and start, I get distracted and I do something else.”  Like how the last time I’d specifically set aside an hour to work on my business, I’d opened up Shep Sterling’s page of real estate listings just so I could see his picture, and then I’d started to cry.  “Also, cheerleading is taking a lot of my time.  And I work for you, and at the bookstore!  There’s a lot…”  I petered out.  “No, that’s no excuse.  I’m trying not to make excuses for my behavior anymore,” I explained.  “It’s like what Kristi says.”

“Kristi?  Who’s that, again?”

“She’s my sister-in-law.  She was talking about choices, what her guru said to her about our choices shaping our futures.”  I went into that a little, and looped around to my mom telling me that I wasn’t seeing her enough.  “It’s difficult for me to be around her,” I explained.  “I love my mom a lot, but she’s tough on me.  Of course, I deserve it, because I have made messes of stuff in my life, and I probably would have been a slug on the couch as a kid if she hadn’t made me do dance and gymnastics and voice lessons, and I had to be in all the plays and try out for the different troupes and squads.  I do owe her a lot, but she is hard on me, and sometimes I don’t think I can stand to hear it.  My dad—”  I broke off at that point, because I was already crying, and talking about him made it worse.

“Uh, Gaby?  Are you all right?”

Shaky breath.  “Fine,” I said.  “Fine.”

“I was calling because you left your curling iron and some other hair things here in the bathroom, and I didn’t know if you’d need them.  I thought you might for cheerleader practice on Monday.”

“Oh.”  I thought for a moment about the mountain of information that I had just shoveled into his ear.  “You probably didn’t want to hear all that nonsense, right?  My best friend Hallie is dealing with a lot right now, so I don’t want to dump stuff on her, and you know, it turned out that I don’t really trust a lot of the other girls who I thought were my good friends.  I guess I needed someone to talk to tonight.  Sorry.”  I was still running at the mouth like a broken toilet.  Gravy!  “I’m sorry,” I repeated lamely.

“That’s ok,” Ben answered.  His voice sounded gruff.  “Do you want to come by?  You can pick up your stuff.”

I didn’t want to go home yet, that was for sure.  The thought of sitting in my condo, alone for the rest of the night, depressed me to no end.  “Yes, I’m on my way.”

Ben and Tessa’s house looked dark, sad, and lonely when I finally arrived at the top of their hill and I thought of how I would try to sell it if it were my listing: “Total privacy!  Live in undisturbed nature!”  I looked a little anxiously at the nature surrounding me as I got out of the burnt car, but then the porch light came on and Ben stepped out.  I ran up to meet him, shivering in the thin, tight outfit I’d worn to demonstrate to my mom that I hadn’t put on any weight.

“Hi,” I called quietly, thinking of Tessa asleep in her bedroom.  “Do you have my curling iron?”

But he stepped to the side and gestured to the open door.  “Come on in.”

The house looked sad on the inside, too, although with the lights dimmed, it was hard to see the grungy carpet and stained paint of the walls.  Even with a small fire starting to kindle in the grate, it looked lonely, also.  The TV was on, paused at a scene from a Woodsmen game with Darius Reeser shoving a defender away and Davis Blake’s arm cocked back to pass the ball downfield.  “What are you watching?”  I asked.  “Wait, was this against the Granite last fall?”

“How do you know that?” Ben asked me, staring.

I pointed to the screen.  “There’s Adiang at guard because Darius Rieser got moved over to center for a few downs in that game.  Freddy was in the injury tent getting his hand checked, but luckily, he was fine.  Are you thinking about the new offensive line now that Gunnar Christensen retired?”

Instead of answering that question, he leaned a little closer.  I noticed, suddenly, that his eyes under his thick eyelashes weren’t totally brown.  In the faint light of the flames, I saw golden flecks that made them sparkle, like there was fire inside them, too.  I felt a little jolt in my chest.

“Were you crying before?  When you were talking to me on the phone, were you crying?” he asked.

I quickly ran my index fingers under my eyes like windshield wipers.  “Can you see it?  Does it look bad?”

Ben shook his head dismissively.  “You sounded so upset.”

“No, it’s fine.  I—”  I stopped.  “Actually, I don’t really want to get into it again, since I already told you just about everything.” I thought I should get my beauty tools and head home, but suddenly I felt exhaustion in every single part of me, including my curled hair.  I sank down onto the couch where Tessa and I had played school earlier.  “Do you care if I sit for a second before I go?”  I waved my hands at my face, hoping that the waft of air would help erase the ugly marks of tears.

“Sure.  I’d love to hear your thoughts on the Woodsmen offensive line.”

“Well, since we just signed Noah Boone,