The Hardest Cut by Jamie Bennett (book club recommendations .TXT) 📕

to meet new people and I kind of liked the sales part.  I liked when the clients were happy, anyway.  I liked the pink car I’d driven around town with the business logo on the side, and I’d liked dressing up every day and going to work to see my friends at the office.  I liked lots of people there.

Sure, there were parts that I hadn’t enjoyed, like pitching and writing up the listings, all the paperwork, the negotiations, and…well, it seemed like I hadn’t really enjoyed a lot of my what I did.  If I was honest with myself, there was only one reason I had taken the job to start with, and it wasn’t my love of real estate: it was because of my mom.  She had been thrilled when I’d gotten the offer and I’d been thrilled that she felt that way about me.  She would have been so disappointed if I had quit.  My brother would have talked about it endlessly and my sister-in-law would have rolled her eyes and said the kinds of stuff that she said to me tonight about how I’d always messed things up.

But also, once I’d gotten closer my boss at Sterling Standard Realty, Shephard Sterling, I hadn’t ever wanted to leave.  That had been the biggest mistake I’d ever made, that I had trusted Shep.  Like when he’d told me that I was going to be his best agent, I thought it was true, despite a lot of evidence to the contrary—for example, how my numbers were bad in every way that mattered regarding home sales.  Every single way.  I had looked at Shep and nodded and smiled.  He made me think that he believed in me, that I was going to be a success.  It felt wonderful.

Later, when Shep had sworn that he and his wife were separated, and that they hadn’t really been married in an emotional and physical way for years, I’d believed that, too.  After all, she’d spent the winters in Florida, and it felt like they barely saw each other even when she’d come back to Michigan for the summer.  When he’d spoken so solemnly about a divorce, and how difficult it would be for their children—how he had to wait until just the right moment so he wouldn’t upset anyone—I’d nodded seriously and thought it was true, that their divorce would happen and was only a matter of me giving him more time.

Although, as my friend Hallie had pointed out many occasions, his youngest child was older than I was, and all of his kids had been living on their own for more than a decade.  She’d looked very doubtful when she’d asked, “Is there ever going to be a perfect time for him to break up his family, Gaby?”  I hadn’t wanted to think about the answer to that.

But Shep had told me that his wife was vindictive and would destroy his business if he left her so that he’d be destitute.  He’d said that she’d poison all of northern Michigan against him so he wouldn’t be able to work in real estate again, that she’d take the houses, the cars, their savings, everything.  Money hadn’t been important to me, but I tried to understand that with Shep so close to retirement, he couldn’t just start over.  Throughout our relationship, there had been a lot of excuses for why he and his wife were still together, and I’d swallowed them all.

When Shep had looked into my eyes and told me that he loved me, that I was the best, most wonderful thing that had ever happened in his long, lonely life, I’d trusted him with my whole heart.  But still, I…I couldn’t.  So just before Christmas, I finally gotten the courage to tell him that I couldn’t live like that anymore, deceiving everyone and keeping our relationship a secret.  I told him that I wouldn’t stay with him unless things changed.  I’d thought that he was honest when he’d nodded solemnly and told me that he understood. I’d waited, holding my breath, for him to say that he was finally going to file for divorce so that we could be together.

Then he’d announced that our break-up wouldn’t affect our working relationship at the realty company.  He’d picked up his phone and started to make a call while I stood there, thinking that I was shattering into pieces.  But I’d nodded back and accepted it as best I could, and I spent the next few days trying to cry only in the ladies’ room or in my pink car with the Sterling Standard Realty logo on its side.

But it turned out that the only true thing that Shep ever said to me came a week later, on my last day at work at Sterling Standard Realty.  He’d called me into his office and told me that I was fired for being the poorest producer in the firm.  I’d stood there, my mouth open, not able to take it in, and then he’d had me escorted out of the building.  I’d loved him and trusted him, and I’d been so, so wrong.  I’d wanted to break up a family, too, to ruin a woman’s life and take it for myself.  No matter what Shep had said, no matter what I’d wanted to believe, I should have known better.  I should have been better.

My phone rang and I jerked out of my thoughts, realizing that not only was I drifting onto the wrong side of the road, but also that I was unconsciously directing the car to the Sterling Standard office instead of my condo.  I pulled into the parking lot of a derelict motel and answered the call.  “Ben?”

“Hi,” he answered.  “Am I catching you at a bad time?”

I took a breath before I talked and it shook a little.  “No, it’s fine.  I’m just coming from the dinner at my mom’s house.  It went ok.”  I considered.  “Well, actually, I think it could have