The Ullswater Undertaking by Rebecca Tope (read dune .TXT) 📕

‘We need to get the marriage licence and book the registrar,’ he said. ‘Do we know how to do that?’

She understood that he was conceding superior knowledge to her, since his own first marriage had been conducted on an island in the Caribbean. ‘I can’t remember,’ she admitted. ‘It was so long ago. It might be different now.’

‘I went to a wedding last year. It was in a register office. As far as I could tell, the couple pretty much wrote the whole thing themselves. It was all over in about three minutes, and the word “contract” seemed to feature prominently. I thought it was a bit soulless.’

‘I’d be happy with the classic wording. Although I suppose I might feel a bit of a hypocrite, making the same vows that I didn’t stick to the first time.’

‘Which ones did you break?’ he asked her, with a teasing smile.

‘“As long as you both shall live”, I suppose. We were meant to stick at it for our whole lives.’

‘Maybe it’s knowing that so few people can manage it that makes them loosen up on the wording, then. But for myself I can honestly promise you the full list – if I can remember it all. I’m more than happy with “forsaking all others”. What else is there?’

‘“To have and to hold” is nice.’

‘You and Tony got married in church!’ he realised. ‘Why did that never occur to me?’

‘You should have been there. My oldest friend, and all that. Your parents didn’t come either, although we did invite them. Frances wasn’t very well, if I remember rightly.’

‘And I was off in Costa Rica or somewhere. I don’t remember even being told you were getting married.’

‘And then you got a wife of your own, not much later.’

‘I was twenty-six and she was twenty. We were like two silly children.’

‘I was twenty-five, which felt quite old at the time. We did well to last as long as we did, I suppose. We just made it to ten years.’

‘We split up the week after our second anniversary. I have no idea where she is now.’

‘You are properly divorced, I hope? What if she shows up when they do that bit about anybody knowing good cause, or whatever it is?’

‘No worries. She married someone else about eight years ago now. I’m sure they’re very happy. Second time around works pretty well, as far as I can see.’

‘The triumph of hope over experience,’ said Simmy with a little shiver. ‘And I can think of quite a few which were just as hopeless as the first time.’

‘Nonsense! We should look online and find out what the procedure is. June 1st is definite, right? I’ll email my relations and let them all know. Get the show on the road. Which pub are we going to afterwards?’

‘Where’s the register office?’

‘Um – good question. Penrith I guess, or Carlisle.’ He fished his phone from his pocket and began a search. ‘There’s one at Kendal. Maximum ten people. Looks quite sweet.’ He showed her the pictures. ‘Handy for Angie and Russell.’

‘But quite a way for your people. Ten isn’t many. Does that include you and me and the registrar?’

‘Doesn’t say. Presumably not. How many do we want? Angie and Russell, Hannah, Lynne, Bonnie, and my brothers. That’s seven – nine if the wives insist on coming. I’ll have to choose who’ll be the best man and make the silly speech afterwards.’

‘You forgot Ben. And Helen. I invited them both already.’

‘I thought maybe they’d be okay with stepping aside. The whole family can come to the party afterwards.’

‘He probably will settle for that. Thanks for including Bonnie at least. She’d be the only non-relative.’

‘Bridesmaid. You have to have one to hold your bouquet or something.’

‘It sounds lovely,’ she said, suddenly flushing with excitement. ‘Cosy, informal. And then a big party at a pub somewhere.’

‘You know what people will say, don’t you? They’ll try and persuade us to do the whole thing in a posh hotel. Storrs or the Belsfield, probably. Make a twenty-four-hour event of it.’

‘Luckily for us there’s nowhere near enough time to organise anything like that. And I think hotel weddings are horrible. Ever since …’ she tailed off.

‘Ever since that poor boy died at the wedding at Storrs. Yes, I remember. I think they’re fairly grim, as well. I’m just warning you about my sisters and what they’ll say.’

‘I’ll set my mother onto them. She’ll soon put them straight. She’s going to think we’ve got the perfect plan if we do it like this. Quick little ceremony in Kendal, then up the road to Windermere or maybe Troutbeck. Oh – we didn’t count Robin!’ She giggled. ‘He brings it up to ten.’

‘I don’t think that’s likely to be a problem.’

‘Except he’ll probably bawl through the whole thing. And I’ll have to feed him while promising to love you for ever, or whatever we decide to say.’

‘I hope you’ll love me for ever, whatever you promise,’ he said, with an unusual sentimentality. ‘I really do like the idea of being married to you, Persimmon Straw … Brown … whichever. It makes me go all squishy inside to think of it.’

‘So that’s all right then,’ she said comfortably.

Robin woke them at one-fifteen and again at four forty-five. ‘Short night,’ said Christopher, aiming at a philosophical tone. ‘Is this still the growth spurt?’

‘Probably. I can take him to be weighed on Friday, and woe betide him if he hasn’t gained at least four ounces.’

‘Friday’s tomorrow now,’ said Christopher pedantically. ‘Another week almost gone.’

Simmy ignored this remark and concentrated on her baby. She could feel the weight of the entire western culture screaming at her that her milk must be drying up, that the solution quite obviously lay in a full bottle of formula and it was little short of perversity to insist on exclusive use of the breast. She had been almost completely unaware of this doctrine until her second encounter with a health visitor. The woman had pursed her lips,