Hudibras by Samuel Butler (simple e reader .TXT) 📕

The saints engage in fierce contests
About their carnal interests,
To share their sacrilegious preys,
According to their rates of Grace:
Their various frenzies to reform,
When Cromwell left them in a storm;
Till in th’ effigy of Rumps, the rabble
Burns all their Grandees of the Cabal.

The learned write, an insect breeze166
Is but a mongrel prince of bees,
That falls before a storm on cows,
And stings the founders of his house;
From whose corrupted flesh that breed
Of vermin did at first proceed:
So, ere the storm of war broke out,
Religion spawn’d a various rout
Of petulant capricious sects,
The maggots of corrupted texts,
That first run all religion down,
And after ev’ry swarm its own:
For as the Persian Magi once
Upon their mothers got their sons,167
That were incapable t’ enjoy
That empire any other way,
So Presbyter begot the other
Upon the Good Old Cause, his mother,
Then bore them, like the devil’s dam,
Whose son and husband are the same;
And yet no nat’ral tie of blood,
Nor int’rest for the common good,
Could, when their profits interfer’d,
Get quarter for each other’s beard:
For when they thriv’d, they never fadg’d,
But only by the ears engag’d;
Like dogs that snarl about a bone,
And play together when they’ve none;
As by their truest characters,
Their constant actions, plainly appears.
Rebellion now began, for lack
Of zeal and plunder, to grow slack;
The Cause and Covenant to lessen,
And Providence to b’ out of season:
For now there was no more to purchase
O’ th’ king’s revenue, and the churches,
But all divided, shar’d, and gone,
That us’d to urge the brethren on;
Which forc’d the stubborn’st for the Cause,
To cross the cudgels to the laws,
That what by breaking them th’ had gain’d,
By their support might be maintain’d;
Like thieves, that in a hemp-plot lie,
Secur’d against the hue-and-cry;
For Presbyter and Independant
Were now turn’d plaintiff and defendant;
Laid out their apostolic functions
On carnal orders and injunctions;
And all their precious gifts and graces
On outlawries and scire facias;
At Michael’s term had many a trial,168
Worse than the Dragon and St. Michael,
Where thousands fell, in shape of fees,
Into the bottomless abyss.
For when, like brethren, and like friends,
They came to share their dividends,
And ev’ry partner to possess
His church and state joint-purchases,
In which the ablest saint, and best,
Was nam’d in trust by all the rest,
To pay their money; and, instead
Of ev’ry brother, pass the deed;
He strait converted all his gifts
To pious frauds and holy shifts;
And settled all the other shares
Upon his outward man and ’s heirs;
Held all they claim’d as forfeit lands
Deliver’d up into his hands,
And pass’d upon his conscience,
By pre-intail of Providence;
Impeach’d the rest for reprobates,
That had no titles to estates,
But by their spiritual attaints
Degraded from the right of saints.
This b’ing reveal’d, they now begun
With law and conscience to fall on,
And laid about as hot and brain-sick
As th’ utter barrister of Swanswick;169
Engag’d with money-bags as bold
As men with sand-bags did of old;
That brought the lawyers in more fees
Than all unsanctify’d trustees;
Till he who had no more to show
I’ th’ case receiv’d the overthrow;
Or, both sides having had the worst,
They parted as they met at first.

Poor Presbyter was now reduc’d,
Secluded, and cashier’d, and chous’d!
Turn’d out, and excommunicate
From all affairs of church and state;
Reform’d t’ a reformado saint,
And glad to turn itinerant,
To stroll and teach from town to town,
And those he had taught up teach down.
And make those uses serve agen
Against the new-enlighten’d men,
As fit as when at first they were
Reveal’d against the Cavalier;
Damn Anabaptist and fanatic,
As pat as popish and prelatic;
And with as little variation,
To serve for any sect i’ th’ nation.
The Good Old Cause, which some believe
To be the devil that tempted Eve
With knowledge, and does still invite
The world to mischief with new Light,
Had store of money in her purse
When he took her for bett’r or worse;
But now was grown deform’d and poor,
And fit to be turn’d out of door.

The Independents (whose first station
Was in the rear of reformation,
A mongrel kind of church dragoons,
That serv’d for horse and foot at once,
And in the saddle of one steed
The Saracen and Christian rid,
Were free of ev’ry spiritual order,
To preach, and fight, and pray, and murder)
No sooner got the start to lurch
Both disciplines of war, and church,
And providence enough to run
The chief commanders of ’em down,
But carry’d on the war against
The common enemy o’ th’ saints,
And in a while prevail’d so far,
To win of them the game of war,
And be at liberty once more
T’ attack themselves, as th’ had before.

For now there was no foe in arms,
T’ unite their factions with alarms,
But all reduc’d and overcome,
Except their worst, themselves at home,
Wh’ had compass’d all they pray’d, and swore,
And fought, and preach’d, and plunder’d for;
Subdu’d the nation, church, and state,
And all things but their laws and hate;
But when they came to treat and transact,
And share the spoil of all th’ had ransackt,
To botch up what th’ had torn and rent,
Religion and the government,
They met no sooner, but prepar’d
To pull down all the war had spar’d;
Agreed in nothing but t’ abolish,
Subvert, extirpate, and demolish:
For knaves and fools b’ing near of kin
As Dutch Boors are t’ a Sooterkin,170
Both parties join’d to do their best
To damn the public interest,
And herded only in consults,
To put by one another’s bolts;
T’ out-cant the Babylonian labourers,171
At all their dialects of jabberers,
And tug at both ends of the saw,
To tear down government and law.
For as two cheats, that play one game,
Are both defeated of their aim;
So those who play a game of state,
And only cavil in debate,
Although there’s nothing lost or won,
The public bus’ness is undone;
Which still the longer ’tis in doing,
Becomes the surer way to ruin.

This, when the royalists perceiv’d,
(Who to their faith as firmly cleav’d,
And own’d the right they had paid down
So dearly for, the church and crown,)
Th’ united constanter, and sided
The more, the more their foes divided.
For though out-number’d, overthrown,
And by the fate of war run down,
Their duty never was defeated,
Nor from their oaths and faith retreated;
For loyalty is