Hudibras by Samuel Butler (simple e reader .TXT) 📕

carts’ tails,
Or hangmen’s wages, which the state
Was forc’d (before them) to be at;
That cut, like tallies, to the stumps,
Our ears for keeping true accompts,
And burnt our vessels, like a new
Seal’d peck, or bushel, for b’ing true;
But hand in hand, like faithful brothers,
Held for the cause against all others,
Disdaining equally to yield
One syllable of what we held,
And though we differ’d now and then
’Bout outward things, and outward men,
Our inward men and constant frame
Of spirit, still were near the same;
And till they first began to cant
And sprinkle down the Covenant,
We ne’er had call in any place,
Nor dream’d of teaching down free grace,
But join’d our gifts perpetually
Against the common enemy.
Although ’twas ours and their opinion,
Each other’s Church was but a Rimmon;
And yet, for all this gospel-union,
And outward show of church-communion,
They’ll ne’er admit us to our shares
Of ruling church or state affairs
Nor give us leave t’ absolve, or sentence
T’ our own conditions of repentance;
But shar’d our dividend o’ th’ crown,
We had so painfully preach’d down;
And forc’d us, though against the grain,
T’ have calls to teach it up again:
For ’twas but justice to restore
The wrongs we had receiv’d before;
And when ’twas held forth in our way,
W’ had been ungrateful not to pay;
Who, for the right w’ have done the nation,
Have earn’d our temporal salvation;
And put our vessels in a way
Once more to come again in play.
For if the turning of us out
Has brought this providence about,
And that our only suffering
Is able to bring in the king,
What would our actions not have done,
Had we been suffer’d to go on?
And therefore may pretend t’ a share,
At least, in carrying on th’ affair.
But whether that be so, or not,
W’ have done enough to have it thought;
And that’s as good as if w’ had done ’t,
And easier pass’t upon account:
For if it be but half deny’d,
’Tis half as good as justify’d.
The world is nat’rally averse
To all the truth it sees or hears;
But swallows nonsense, and a lie,
With greediness and gluttony;
And though it have the pique, and long,
’Tis still for something in the wrong;
As women long, when they’re with child,
For things extravagant and wild;
For meats ridiculous and fulsome,
But seldom any thing that’s wholesome;
And, like the world, men’s jobbernoles
Turn round upon their ears, the poles;
And what they’re confidently told,
By no sense else can be controll’d.

And this, perhaps, may prove the means
Once more to hedge in providence,
For as relapses make diseases
More desp’rate than their first accesses,
If we but get again in pow’r,
Our work is easier than before,
And we more ready and expert
I’ th’ mystery to do our part:
We, who did rather undertake
The first war to create than make,
And when of nothing ’twas begun,
Rais’d funds as strange to carry ’t on;
Trepann’d the state, and fac’d it down
With plots and projects of our own;
And if we did such feats at first,
What can we now we’re better vers’d?
Who have a freer latitude,
Than sinners give themselves, allow’d,
And therefore likeliest to bring in,
On fairest terms, our discipline;
To which it was reveal’d long since,
We were ordain’d by Providence;
When three saints’ ears our predecessors,187
The cause’s primitive confessors,
B’ing crucify’d, the nation stood
In just so many years of blood;
That, multiply’d by six, exprest
The perfect number of the beast,
And prov’d that we must be the men
To bring this work about agen;
And those who laid the first foundation,
Complete the thorough Reformation:
For who have gifts to carry on
So great a work, but we alone?
What churches have such able pastors,
And precious, powerful, preaching masters?
Possess’d with absolute dominions
O’er brethren’s purses and opinions?
And trusted with the double keys
Of heaven and their warehouses;
Who, when the cause is in distress,
Can furnish out what sums they please,
That brooding lie in bankers’ hands,
To be dispos’d at their commands;
And daily increase and multiply,
With doctrine, use, and usury:
Can fetch in parties (as in war
All other heads of cattle are)
From th’ enemy of all religions,
As well as high and low conditions,
And share them, from blue ribands, down
To all blue aprons in the town;
From ladies hurried in calleches,
With cor’nets at their footmens’ breeches,
To bawds as fat as Mother Nab,
All guts and belly, like a crab.
Our party’s great, and better ty’d
With oaths and trade than any side;
Has one considerable improvement,
To double fortify the Cov’nant:
I mean our Covenant to purchase
Delinquents’ titles, and the churches;
That pass in sale, from hand to hand,
Among ourselves, for current land.
And rise or fall, like Indian actions,
According to the rate of factions;
Our best reserve for Reformation,
When new out-goings give occasion;
That keeps the loins of brethren girt
The Covenant (their creed) t’ assert;
And when th’ have pack’d a Parliament,
Will once more try th’ expedient:
Who can already muster friends,
To serve for members, to our ends,
That represent no part o’ th’ nation,
But Fisher’s-Folly congregation;188
Are only tools to our intrigues,
And sit like geese to hatch our eggs;
Who, by their precedents of wit,
T’ out-fast, out-loiter, and out-sit,
Can order matters underhand,
To put all bus’ness to a stand;
Lay public bills aside for private,
And make ’em one another drive out;
Divert the great and necessary,
With trifles to contest and vary;
And make the nation represent,
And serve for us in Parliament;
Cut out more work than can be done
In Plato’s year, but finish none,189
Unless it be the Bulls of Lenthal,
That always pass’d for fundamental;
Can set up grandee ’gainst grandee,
To squander time away, and bandy:
Make Lords and Commoners lay sieges
To one another’s privileges,
And, rather than compound the quarrel,
Engage to th’ inevitable peril
Of both their ruins, th’ only scope
And consolation of our hope;
Who though we do not play the game,
Assist as much by giving aim;
Can introduce our ancient arts,
For heads of factions t’ act their parts;
Know what a leading voice is worth,
A seconding, a third, or fourth;
How much a casting voice comes to,
That turns up trump of ay, or no;
And, by adjusting all at th’ end,
Share ev’ry one his dividend:
An art that so much study cost,
And now’s in danger to be lost,
Unless our ancient virtuosos,
That found it out, get into th’ Houses.
These are the courses that we took
To carry things by hook or crook;
And practis’d down from forty-four,
Until they turn’d us out of door:
Besides the herds of Boutefeus
We set on work without the House;
When ev’ry knight and citizen
Kept legislative