Manners and Social Usages by Mrs John M. E. W. Sherwood (best english novels for beginners .TXT) ๐
Now the question comes up, and here doctors disagree: When may alady call by proxy, or when may she send her card, or when mustshe call in person?
After a dinner-party a guest must call in person and inquire ifthe hostess is at home. For other entertainments it is allowed, inNew York, that the lady call by proxy, or that she simply send hercard. In sending to inquire for a person's health, cards may besent by a servant, with a kindly message.
No first visit should, however, be returned by card only; thiswould be considered a slight, unless followed by an invitation.The size of New York, the great distances, the busy life of awoman of charities, large family, and immense circle ofacquaintances may render a pers
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hours.
Cooks vary so decidedly in their way of preparing meals that no
general directions can be given; but the best should be made to
follow certain rules, and the worst should be watched and guarded. A
great cleanliness as to pots and kettles, particularly the
teakettle, should be insisted upon, and the closets, pails, barrels,
etc., be carefully watched. Many a case of typhoid fever can be
traced to the cookโs slop-pail, or closets, or sink, and no lady
should be careless of looking into all these places.
A cook, properly trained, can get up a good breakfast out of remains
of the dinner of the preceding day, or some picked-up cod-fish,
toast, potatoes sliced and fried, or mashed, boiled, stewed, or
baked. The making of good clear coffee is not often understood by
the green Irish cook. The mistress must teach her this useful art,
and also how to make good tea, although the latter is generally made
on the table.
With the sending up of the breakfast comes the first chance of a
collision between cook and waiter; and disagreeable, bad-tempered
servants make much of this opportunity. The cook in city houses puts
the dinner on the dumb-waiter and sends it up to the waiter, who
takes it off. All the heavy meat-dishes and the greasy plates are
sent down to the cook to wash, and herein lies many a grievance
which the mistress can anticipate and prevent by forbidding the use
of the dumb-waiter if it leads to quarrelling, and by making the
maids carry all the plates and dishes up and down. This course of
treatment will soon cure them of their little tempers.
In plain households the cook has much less to do than the waiter;
she should therefore undertake the greater part of the washing and
ironing. Many very good cooks will do all the washing and ironing
except the table linen and the towels used by the waiter; and if
this arrangement is made at first, no trouble ensues. The great
trouble in most households comes from the fact that the work is not
definitely divided, and that one servant declares that the other is
imposing upon her.
If a mistress is fair, honorable, strict, and attentive, she can
thus carry on a large household (if there are no young children)
with two energetic servants. She cannot, of course, have elegant
housekeeping; it is a very arduous undertaking to conduct a city
house with the assistance of only two people. Many young housekeepers become discouraged, and many old ones do so as well, and
send the washing and ironing to a public laundry. But as small
incomes are the rule, and as most people must economize, it has been
done, and it can be done. The mistress will find it to her advantage
to have a very great profusion of towels and dusters, and also to
supply the kitchen with every requisite utensil for cooking a good
dinner, or for the execution of the ordinary daily workโsuch tools
as an ice-hammer, a can-opener, plenty of corkscrews, a knife-sharpener and several large, strong knives, a meat-chopper and
bread-baskets, stone pots and jars. The modern refrigerator has
simplified kitchen-work very much, and no one who has lived long
enough to remember when it was not used can fail to bless its airy
and cool closets and its orderly arrangements.
The โprivilegesโ of these hard-worked servants should be respected.
โAn evening a week, and every other Sunday afternoon,โ is a formula
not to be forgotten. Consider what it is to them! Perhaps a visit to
a sick sister or mother, a recreation much needed, a simple
pleasure, but one which is to them what a refreshing book, a visit
to the opera, or a drive in the park, is to their employers. Only a
very cruel mistress will ever fail to keep her promise to a faithful
servant on these too infrequent holidays.
The early Sunday dinner is an inconvenience, but it is due to the
girls who count on their โSunday outโ to have it always punctually
given to them.
Many devout Catholics make their church-going somewhat inconvenient,
but they should not be thwarted in it. It is to them something more
than it is to Protestants, and a devout Catholic is to be respected
and believed in. No doubt there are very bad-tempered and
disagreeable girls who make a pretence of religion, but the mistress
should be slow to condemn, lest she wrong one who is sincerely
pious.
In sickness, Irish girls are generally kind and accommodating, being
themselves unselfish, and are apt to show a better spirit in a time
of trouble than the Swedes, the Germans, or the Scotch, although the
latter are possessed of more intelligence, and are more readily
trained to habits of order and system. The warm heart and the
confused brain, the want of truth, of the average Irish servant will
perplex and annoy while it touches the sympathies of a woman of
generous spirit.
The women who would make the best house-servants are New England
girls who have been brought up in poor but comfortable homes. But
they will not be servants. They have imbibed the foolish idea that
the position of a girl who does house-work is inferior in gentility
to that of one who works in a factory, or a printing-office, or a
millinerโs shop. It is a great mistake, and one which fills the
country with incapable wives for the working-man; for a woman who
cannot make bread or cook a decent dinner is a fraud if she marry a
poor man who expects her to do it.
That would be a good and a great woman who would preach a crusade
against this false doctrineโwho would say to the young women of her
neighborhood, โI will give a marriage portion to any of you who will
go into domestic service, become good cooks and waiters, and will
bring me your certificates of efficiency at the end of five years.โ
And if those who employ could have these clear brains and thrifty
hands, how much more would they be willing to give in dollars and
cents a month!
CHAPTER XLVIII. THE HOUSE WITH MANY SERVANTS.
A lady who assumes the control of an elegant house without previous
training had better, for a year at least, employ an English housekeeper, who will teach her the system necessary to make so many
servants work properly together; for, unless she knows how to manage
them, each servant will be a trouble instead of a help, and there
will be no end to that exasperating complaint, โThat is not my
work.โ
The English housekeeper is given full power by her mistress to hire
and discharge servants, to arrange their meals, their hours, and
their duties, so as to make the domestic wheels run smoothly, and to
achieve that perfection of service which all who have stayed in an
English house can appreciate. She is a personage of much importance
in the house. She generally dresses in moire antique, and is lofty
in her manners. She alone, except the maid, approaches the mistress,
and receives such general orders as that lady may choose to give.
The housekeeper has her own room, where she takes her meals alone,
or invites those whom she wishes to eat with her. Thus we see in
English novels that the children sometimes take tea โin the housekeeperโs room.โ It is generally a comfortable and snug place.
But in this country very few such housekeepers can be found. The
best that can be done is to secure the services of an efficient
person content to be a servant herself, who will be a care-taker,
and will train the butler, the footmen, and the maid-servants in
their respective duties.
Twelve servants are not infrequently employed in large houses in
this country, and in New York and at Newport often a larger number.
These, with the staff of assistants required to cook and wash for
them, form a large force for a lady to control.
The housekeeper should hire the cook and scullery-maid, and be
responsible for them; she orders the dinner (if the lady chooses);
she gives out the stores; the house linen is under her charge, and
she must attend to mending and replenishing it; she must watch over
the china and silver, and every day visit all the bedrooms to see
that the chambermaids have done their duty, and that writing-paper
and ink and pens are laid on the tables of invited guests, and that
candles, matches, and soap and towels are in their respective
places.
A housekeeper should be able to make fine desserts, and to attend
to all the sewing of the family, with the assistance of a maidโthat
is, the mending, and the hemming of the towels, etc. She should be
firm and methodical, with a natural habit of command, and impartial
in her dealings, but strict and exacting; she should compel each
servant to do his duty, as she represents the mistress, and should
be invested with her authority.
It is she who must receive the dessert when it comes from the
dining-room, watch the half-emptied bottles of wine, which men-servants nearly always appropriate for their own use, and be, in all
respects, a watch-dog for her master, as in large families servants
are prone to steal all that may fall in their way.
Unfortunately a bad housekeeper is worse than none, and can steal
to her heartโs content. Such a one, hired by a careless, pleasure-loving lady in New York, stole in a twelvemonth enough to live on
for several years.
The housekeeper and the butler are seldom friends, and consequently
many people consider it wise to hire a married couple competent to
perform the duties of these two positions. If the two are honest,
this is an excellent arrangement.
The butler is answerable for the property put in his charge, and for
the proper performance of the duties of the footmen under his
control. He must be the judge of what men can and should do. He is
given the care of the wine, although every gentleman should keep the
keys, only giving just so much to the butler as he intends shall be
used each day. The plate is given to the butler, and he is made
responsible for any articles missing; he also sees to the pantry,
but has a maid or a footman to wash the dishes and cleanse the
silver. All the arrangements for dinner devolve upon him, and when
it is served he stands behind his mistressโs chair. He looks after
the footman who answers the bell, and takes care that he shall be
properly dressed and at his post.
In houses where there are two or three footmen the butler serves
breakfast, luncheon, tea, and dinner, assisted by such of his
acolytes as he may choose. He should also wait upon his master, if
required, see that the library and smoking-room are aired and in
order, the newspaper brought in, the magazines cut, and the paper-knife in its place. Many gentlemen in this country send their
butlers to market, and leave entirely to them the arrangement of the
table.
If there is but one footman in a large house, the butler has a great
deal to do, particularly if the family be a hospitable one. When the
footman is out with the carriage the butler answers the front-door
bell, but in very elegant houses there are generally two footmen, as
this is not strictly the duty of a butler.
A ladyโs-maid is indispensable to ladies who visit much, but this
class of servant is the most difficult to manage. Ladiesโ-maids must
be told, when hired, that they can
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