Discovering Truths by B. Benfield (chrysanthemum read aloud .TXT) 📕

time sliding into me. Every move and every thrust was pure bliss. I’d never felt connected to Marcus the way I was with Gage. Each time we were together gave me another reason to believe that we were made for each other.

***

We laid there together and held each other in silence. All the other times before, it felt good to lay with him, but now, the awkwardness was hard to ignore. His recent behavior made me believe that things for us were changing, and not in the way I needed them to go. I needed some sort of clarity. With all the obstacles in my life, my feelings for Gage were one thing I was sure of.

“Are we okay?” I finally asked.

He sat up and leaned against the pillow, resting his head in his hand. “I think so. Why do you ask?”

I scooted up beside him and turned to face him. “I’m just worried. I feel like it’s been a little weird between us. Especially ever since I told you about my training.”

He grabbed both of my hands and brought them to his lips, kissing them softly. “Abby, I love you. I’m sorry if I’ve been a bit of an ass here lately. I’ve just got a lot of crap going on at home. I’m not going to lie…I am a little worried about your training. That’s five weeks without each other. I know you’re going to be home on the weekends, but you know weekends are hard for me. I’m worried that in five weeks we could drift apart. I don’t want that to happen.”

“I don’t want that to happen either,” I said. “But I don’t think it will. As long as we continue to communicate, we’ll be fine. If we’re able to see each other on a weekend when I’m home, then great, if not, it’s only five weeks.”

“I know.”

If he knew, then why did he continue to worry? There had to be something else going on in his mind. If he loved me like he said he did, we’d be alright. I wanted to say that, but I refrained. Instead, I chose to accept his words and believe him when he said he loved me.

We spent the rest of our time tangled up in one another and by the time we were finished, I didn’t think I could handle anymore no matter how much I wanted it. Every kiss, touch, and feeling from Gage sent me over the edge. It was always hard to leave him, but for some reason today, it was different. I dreaded our goodbye.

We stood in the parking lot with our arms wrapped around each other, embraced in a long hug. I didn’t want to let him go and I sensed that he felt that way too. He held me tight and in that moment, something inside was telling me this was the last time I’d ever see him. Tears filled my eyes, but I didn’t dare let them fall. There was no way he could know just how much he affected me.

It was times like these when I wondered if I had really lost it. Was my mental state that far gone?

“I know we’ll talk before then, but be careful. I hope you have a good flight and everything goes okay.” He said.

“Thank you. I’ll keep you posted.”

He leaned down and kissed me hard. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

As I drove away, I tried to ignore the slew of bad feelings that lingered in my mind. He said he loved me. That was the only hope I had to cling to.

***

The weekend seemed to drag. Gage and I communicated as usual, messaging each other when we were able. I tried to ignore the fact that I still thought something was weird between us. With that worry, and the anxiousness of my upcoming training, I was going to have a mental breakdown. I could feel it coming.

I turned the lights off, lit a few candles, and ran myself a hot bubble bath. I sank down into the tub and closed my eyes, hoping for some sense of peace and relaxation. As if I didn’t have enough worry in my life, I couldn’t let Gage and my job get to me. They were the two best things I had going.

The water eventually turned cold and I climbed out, wrapping a fluffy blue towel around my body. I wasn’t sure how much good the bath actually did for my mental state, but it felt nice.

“Do you need any help getting your stuff ready for tomorrow?” Marcus asked.

I stepped out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. I went to the closet and removed my towel, slipping on my pajamas. I didn’t want him to see me.

“I don’t think so. I think I have everything. Thank you, though.” I said.

Since our talk about taking this time apart to think, Marcus didn’t have much to say to me, however when he did talk, he was really nice. That was unusual. I wished I could climb into his brain and see what he was thinking because obviously I’d never know.

“Everything all good for your flight?”

“Yes.”

He could take his fictitious concern somewhere else. I wasn’t buying it. Tomorrow morning couldn’t get here quick enough. He didn’t even offer to take me to the airport. I was driving my car and leaving it in the parking deck. How pathetic.

We crawled into bed and I laid flat on my back, staring at the ceiling in the dark. Silence took over as I lost myself in my own thoughts. Marcus grabbed my hand, the touch startling me.

He spoke softly. “What happened to us, Abby?”

I knew exactly what happened to us. Because of him, our marriage fell apart. It all came down to the choice he made. Everything that transpired after