Discovering Truths by B. Benfield (chrysanthemum read aloud .TXT) 📕

prepare for the position of Underwriting Manager. I had applied, and today was the day of my interview. I dressed in a fancy, black women’s suit and curled my hair. Marcus rushed out the door this morning without a single word. I definitely wasn’t going to remind him of my interview. I shouldn’t have had to. I glanced at my phone before I headed out, and there was a message from the one person who actually cared.

Gage: Good luck today, but I know you don’t need it. You’ll do great. I love you.

Me: Thank you! I love you too!

Words of encouragement from the person I loved was all I needed. I headed out the door with my head held high.

***

The interview was over and I’d been back at my desk working for an hour when I received another message from Gage. After all my nervous feelings, it was refreshing to see his name on the screen.

Gage: Can you meet today? Lunch date?

We hadn’t had a “normal” date in a while. Most of our time together was spent in a room, or in his truck, but I definitely wasn’t complaining. I needed every piece of him I could get.

Me: I’d love to.

 

We established the details of our meeting place, and I plowed through the rest of my work as I awaited my break. Despite my depression and all the negative that surrounded my life, a sense of happiness took over. I felt great and I’d take it, even if it was only for a day.

Gage had sent me a text asking for my lunch order. He’d be arriving before me and was going to place our order since I was on a time limit and he was not. Perks of being the boss.

When I made it to the restaurant, I found him in a booth in the back. I scanned the area for any familiar faces and once clear, I went to him quickly. He stood and I wrapped my arms around him, feeling secure in his embrace.

We slid into opposite sides of the booth and I shoved my purse in the corner.

“Well, how’d it go?” he asked.

“I think it went well. I try to not get my hopes up, but I really do think it was good. They said they’ll have a decision by the end of the week and they’ll let me know either way.”

“I’m sure you’ll get it.”

“Don’t jinx me.” I joked.

Gage ordering for us worked perfectly, because our lunch came and we still had plenty of time to talk. I took a sip from my water before I spoke again.

“Everything going okay for you?” I asked.

“Yeah. I guess. Nothing new really. Bentley is about to go into first grade…I’ll be coaching football again, so about to get all that started.”

“I love that you’re so involved with him.” I said. Gage being such a good dad really was a quality I admired. It made me want a child of my own. Unfortunately, I didn’t think that was in the cards for me.

“I don’t want to be a deadbeat. Everything with her is so up and down…I’m sure things will be ending soon. I don’t want to be the dad that only sends a child support check, ya know? I love my son. I want to be involved in his life.”

I nodded through a bite of my salad. “I understand that completely and totally respect it.”

I waited for an elaboration, but it didn’t seem like it was coming, so I broke down and asked.

“So, things at home…still rocky?”

“It’s always rocky. It’s like we’re roommates. She’s not happy, I’m not happy. When we’re out in public she’s all over me, but at home it’s like I don’t exist. We’re hanging on for Bentley.”

That was hard to hear. I hated to imagine someone else touching or clinging to him, but as much as I felt like he was only mine…he wasn’t. I tried not to let the hurt show on my face.

“I know what you mean. I get it. It’s the same for us, but no kid involved.”

“Honestly, I don’t know why you’re still hanging on with him. Especially after what all he’s been doing behind your back.”

He said that, yet…here we were.

“I know. I don’t know why I am either. There’s a lot involved…money wise. It stresses me out to even think about.” I didn’t want to mention the fact that I suffered from depression and anxiety. That was the main factor.

“Yeah. I get it. It’s a lot.”

Our conversation eventually turned from our marriage woes to our usual banter. He was so funny and made me forget every care in the world. We were perfect together. Our personalities clicked, we understood each other, we had the same sense of humor, and of course…our physical connection was amazing. It made me question why he was so hesitant to pursue anything further, especially considering he knew he wouldn’t be with her forever. If he left her today, I’d leave Marcus without a second thought. Was there something wrong with me that he couldn’t fully commit to? Was his admission of love fake, just to get me back in bed with him? I wanted to believe everything he said was genuine, but there were too many gaping holes that worried me. Gage was all I wanted. I wanted so badly to believe that he felt the same way.

We walked outside and stood together, embraced in a tight hug. I hated to let him go. He gave me one kiss and said, “I love you,” and we were off our separate ways. As I drove away, I couldn’t help the thoughts that clouded my mind, telling me that this was all we’d ever be.

***

Later that evening, Marcus was already home when I arrived. His car in the driveway