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a pigeon, his hands behind his back. He shrugged. ‘Mum says they’ll get better.’

Tessa kicked the door of the Holden, her arms full with bags of groceries. ‘Let them sleep,’ she called to Georgie, who’d dragged me over to have a look at the twins. ‘Leave the back door open.’

‘Your mum’s spot on,’ I said. ‘They’re like two curled-up grubs who’ll grow into butterflies for you to run around and catch.’

I tickled him, lifting him high and soaring him towards the front door. I dive-bombed him to the ground and he took off inside. I got hold of a bag out of Tessa’s hand. How the hell do you do the shopping with newborn twins and a toddler? A spit of respect shot out of the tightness I kept around Tessa. All her capable wasn’t just a criticism of me. It had a job to do in the world.

There was the ring of a bell deep in my gut. Truth was, I came to her first because of this capable. If anybody had worked out more than me, it was her. I’d found what looked like proof that things were fucked up in our house, but Dad denied it and it was all brick walls and dead ends, so I needed Tessa on my side. But her face was all closed up with the effort of living, and I wondered if I could get past it, back down to when we were kids on the other end of a phone to Aunty Peg.

I didn’t have her kind of capable. Maybe you couldn’t have a kid without it. I had to think of what would be best for the kid growing inside me. Pretty sure that wasn’t me, and yet what do you do with the sadness of letting it go?

The blue-and-green-flecked carpet down the corridor was something good. Tessa was like Mum in this. She needed the ease that Geoff’s bank job gave her. Georgie charged straight into the lounge and punched the telly on, full of karate-chopping energy. He settled himself on a beanbag as Tessa and I went past to the kitchen island, dropping bags on benches. Georgie’s little face was soft in the curve of his hand as he watched the screen, unblinking as he took in the deliberate and slow instructions of the Play School presenter who was cutting shapes into coloured paper. I caught Tessa watching him too, the same softness in her face. She turned back to the shopping, face shuttered up again, and she opened the pantry door. She refilled the flour and rice canisters.

‘Georgie,’ she called. ‘Where’s the cereal tin?’

He came zooming over, arms out to the side like an aeroplane, flattened himself to the ground, put his hand behind the back leg of the table closest to the wall and pulled out the canister.

‘Why, Georgie, just why?’

‘Didn’t want the twins to eat it before me,’ he said and zoomed off.

‘Cuppa?’ I asked, happy to be able to laugh.

Tessa fell into a chair. ‘Look, JJ, I’m too tired for whatever this is—can we just skip it?’

I put the kettle on. ‘Just came to see the twins.’

‘You were round at Dad’s yesterday. So alarm bells are ringing,’ she said, exasperation tightening her mouth up.

I didn’t have time for shame about my visiting-the-twins lie. ‘He tell you why I was there?’

She shook her head. ‘But the last time I saw you, you were flying out of Aunty Peg’s like a cat with a scalded tail, and the next thing you turn up on Dad’s doorstep. Putting two and two together…’ She raised her eyebrows and tapped a finger on the table.

I picked up a pillowcase from the pile of clothes on the table and folded it. She tipped forwards and picked up a tea towel. I put the folded case on the table and started in on a pile of baby things.

‘Just fold them,’ she said. ‘I don’t iron any more.’

‘That’s progress.’

She screwed up the tired in her face at me and I wished I could pluck the barb back out of the air so I wouldn’t have caused her that pain. We worked our way through the clothes and I wondered if she still thought getting married at nineteen had been a good idea. At least Geoff was a good guy. ‘We’re going back over to Peg’s tomorrow,’ said Tessa. She rubbed her nose with her sleeve. ‘Dad and Tim are bringing the truck.’

‘When did Dad tell you that?’

‘He rang this morning.’

‘Weird. First he says he’ll have nothing to do with Peg’s madhouse, then suddenly, after I told him you were sorting through everything not just chucking it, he’s changed his tune?’

‘Don’t be stupid, JJ. He was just letting off steam when he said he wouldn’t be there. He always helps.’ She folded a tiny romper. ‘Why don’t you stay out of his way? You’ve got work anyway. Those law firms aren’t charities. You can help with the clean-up on the weekend.’

I turned my head away to hide the eye roll. I got up from the table and picked up a toy car crashed against the windowsill. I took it over to Georgie and put it with a pile of others he had in a box by the beanbag. He looked up and winked.

‘When did you learn to do that?’

He winked again five more times, like it was Morse Code. ‘Mum taught me yesterday when the twins were having a drink.’

I laughed and winked back. That gave me enough good vibes to get back to the table. I picked up the last of the towels. ‘So have you found anything yet over at Peg’s?’

‘Bit.’ She scratched her hair and her hand dropped with a thud to the table. ‘Some pearls, a ring, lots of twenty dollar bills everywhere.’

‘How much all together?’

‘A couple of grand.’

I whistled. ‘That’s worth it. Actually I’ve got a day off tomorrow. I’ll definitely be there to give you a hand.’

Tessa heaved off her chair towards the kettle and came

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