The Serpent's Skin by Erina Reddan (top 5 books to read .txt) 📕

shook her hands in the air above her head. Her eyes wild and pulled back and behind them something giving way. ‘You’ve got no idea, Miss All-The-Pain-On-The-Outside, and making the rest of us dance to your tune. That’s not courage. What’s courage is putting one foot in front of another and holding it all together. What Mum did, day in, day out: food on the table, clothes on backs. If you want to honour Mum then get on with your life. Don’t you come into my house telling me I’m missing a card from the deck of emotions. You weren’t the only one to lose Mum, you’re just the only who needs to keep losing her over and over, every day, punishing everybody.’

I backed away from the punch of her words. My skin was peeled back, raw. My head shaking like it belonged on somebody else’s shoulders.

She picked up the clothes and she dumped them back on the table. She pulled out a pair of Dad’s overalls and started folding them again, pressing things back together. ‘What did Dad have to say about all this when you were over there last night?’ she asked.

My head wouldn’t stop shaking.

‘Just what I thought.’ She picked up a pair of shorts. ‘Peg wasn’t right in the head, can’t trust anything she wrote. Dad would know. Dad would tell us.’

‘Dad would know, Dad wouldn’t tell us, hasn’t told us, drowns us like kittens in his lies—’

‘For fuck’s sake. The drama—’ Tessa got to her feet and opened the fridge. ‘You think long and hard,’ she said, ‘about your next step.’ She poured herself a wine and sat before the squared-up pile of clothes. ‘Unless you think he’s murdered her or something, and you know he didn’t, then it’s not worth it. Leave it alone. You’re already on the edge. You need to get a grip. She wanted you to be happy. So be bloody happy and leave this alone.’

‘Muuuum,’ Georgie yelled. ‘They’re awake. I’ll get em.’

Tessa jumped to her feet and disappeared out of the door, leaving me by the table.

WHAT’S JACK SCARED OF?

The next day, Tye pulled me into the photocopying room as soon as I arrived at work, took the two lattes from me and rested them on a bookshelf and hugged me tight. ‘What the fuck?’ he murmured. ‘You can’t disappear like that.’

‘I know, I know.’ I groaned back into the smooth of his sweet-smelling neck. Feeling my insides melt. But something else as well. A creeping guilt. I hadn’t told him. He had a right to know. If I decided not to go through with it, would I tell him at all? Jack all over again, I castigated myself. I knew it, but it didn’t mean Tye’d get the truth in the end.

‘Let’s go to Mario’s tonight.’ I squeezed him. ‘Drink some wine, eat some pasta, drink some wine.’ I’d keep drinking until I’d made a decision. It was like I wasn’t giving myself any truth, either.

He squeezed back. ‘But you gotta promise. No more disappearing.’

I nodded.

‘Also, Maurice is looking for you.’

‘Shit,’ I said.

I told Tye about going to Tessa’s.

He lowered the latte from his lips. ‘You left work when you’ve got the Stintini case about to go to court to go and see your sister? The one who drives you nuts?’

I quickly charged past the concern on his face. I, too, could sense Peg’s breath whisper close. Instead I told him about the meals Mum had made ready as if she’d expected to be away. I didn’t tell him about the wedding ring she left behind as if she’d expected to never come back.

‘Listen.’ He wrapped his arms around me. ‘Maybe this isn’t good for you after all. Instead of chasing it down, maybe now is the moment you should let it go. You’re okay, JJ. You’re the most compassionate, smart and, yes, sane person I know.’

I closed up tight against his words. He always surprised me about how much he knew and didn’t say until a moment like this. How the hell did I make enough good karma to get him? On the other hand, his eyes saw too deep into the raw. I pushed away and covered my face with my hands, like a kid who thinks if they can’t see the world the world can’t see them.

Instead of pulling my hands away, he manoeuvred behind me and placed his over mine, enfolding me. ‘You’re not like your Aunt Peg.’

I bit my lips to stop the whimper. ‘If I made it all up about Mum, I probably am. That’s what Peg did. Said any old crap to match whatever the hell mess was going on inside her. It’s better to know now, so I can—’ I broke off. ‘Prepare,’ I finally finished.

He laughed quietly. ‘Now that’s insane. How you going to do that? Start stacking newspapers in the shed waiting for the moment you might need a shitload to hoard?’

I let a little half-drowned sound escape that could’ve been taken for a baby ghost of a laugh.

I went the long way to my desk so I could avoid Maurice’s office. My in-tray had disappeared under the pile of yesterday’s documents. I pulled my chair into my desk, opened the large bottom drawer and tipped my in-tray straight into it. I couldn’t think with all that swamp. Didn’t know how Peg did it, letting things build up into screaming piles around her. I pulled the Stintini files forwards and went through Suze’s work. After an hour, my head was exploding with too much information. I dropped it into my hands. Rubbed my eyes. Maybe I did need that day off I’d told Tessa I had. Made a few more notes on the files for Suze. I went by Tye’s desk to ask him to cover me while I went out for a while. Told him I’d got a call from Philly who needed a bit of