The Serpent's Skin by Erina Reddan (top 5 books to read .txt) 📕

Rocco came back rubbing his hands together, Rat-Tail with him. ‘Think we gave a good show,’ Rocco said.

‘Nice touch—all that Tupperware cooking,’ I said.

‘She didn’t have to know I bought it all,’ said Philly.

Rocco took out a bottle of Scotch he’d hidden in the wardrobe and poured it straight into our tea cups. Nobody complained.

ORDER INTO CHAOS

Icalled work, but didn’t even try to give much of a reason for taking yet another day off. Just said I wouldn’t be in. Hadn’t left a message for Tye this time, either. I winced. I mean, what could I have said? Maybe Tessa was right. I was cracking open. But I had to see her. Had to apologise. I picked up some pasta sauce and chocolates on the way and headed back down the freeway. I hadn’t rung her in case she snarled at me to stay away. I wouldn’t have blamed her. Geoff’s car was still in the drive so Tessa was bad enough for him to take the day off. I winced again. She was always so capable. Just like Mum. You didn’t see the breaking point coming. I sat in the car, drumming the steering wheel, stopped up with the guilt of having struck the match that lit this fire.

It was Geoff’s face at the front door that got me out of the car. I couldn’t read anything in his peck as he bent down to greet me. He put the pasta sauce in the fridge. ‘Thanks, JJ, kind of you to come by.’

The twins were sleeping and Georgie was at kindy. I was all good to go in and see her. I wanted to ask him how he was, but he sat back at the table spread over with white pages and manila folders. It wasn’t clear if he knew this was my fault.

‘JJ’ was all Tessa said. She was sitting up in bed with a cuppa, looking out the window.

I crossed quickly to her. ‘God, Tessa. I’m so sorry.’

She turned to me. ‘It’s not always about you, JJ.’ She put the teacup back in its saucer. ‘I’m just exhausted. Twins,’ she said. ‘You’ll understand one day.’ She looked out the window again. ‘If you ever have kids, that is.’

‘What do you mean?’ I asked, stung, a protective hand going to my belly.

‘You have to have worked out your own shit enough to put somebody’s needs before yours.’

‘Just like you have,’ I said before I could jam the words back into my mouth.

She gave me a ‘really’ look.

‘Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. Sorry.’ I perched on the side of her bed.

‘You just can’t help yourself, JJ.’

I put the chocolates on her knees and we sat there in silence for a while, both looking out the window at the ducks on the dam sailing to the island in the middle as if they weren’t moving a muscle.

‘Listen,’ she said. ‘You do what you like. You always have. But you gotta promise me to leave Dad out of it. I can’t be looking after him as well. He’s not as strong as you think.’

I leaned forward and cracked open the box of chocolates. Offered it to Tessa who waved it away. I took two triangle ones and jammed them in my mouth at the same time. I needed something to stop up the biting words that wanted to get out at Tessa. She wasn’t fooled, though, and sat waiting for an answer, so in the end, given the delicateness of her pink nighty and her unbrushed hair, I nodded. She raised an eyebrow meaningfully, so I followed it up with an ‘okay, I promise’.

I sat awkwardly with Geoff for a while before I left. Offered him help with the twins and Georgie. He said his mum was coming for a visit, give Tessa a break, so they’d be right. I nodded. Put my hand impulsively to his forearm on the table. ‘She’ll be all right,’ I said.

‘Will she?’ He looked up, his eyes raw with questions. ‘It’s like there’s this huge empty hole in the middle of her that I can’t fill. Not me, not the kids.’

I saw it. I saw what he meant straight away. I wanted to tell him that she was strong. But what did I know?

‘Listen,’ said Rat-Tail back at the boarding house, following me up the corridor to my room. ‘You really gotta call that Tye bloke back. Funny name, but. He’s bothering me all the time. Real nice bloke, but.’ Rat-Tail held out the mess of messages I’d deliberately ignored beside the telephone. His gap-tooth smile dimmed as I grabbed the pink slips and went to close the door in his face. I relented. ‘I will, Rat-Tail. Promise. Do me a favour?’ I said. ‘I’ve been too busy to drop in on Marge today—could you?’

He grinned again, his short, bony body straightening.

‘Give her this.’ I shoved a paper bag at him. ‘One for you in there too.’

Despite the caramel slices, I was pretty sure Marge wasn’t going to be happy with me for inflicting Rat-Tail and his enthusiasms on her.

I collapsed on the bed, hands under my head, staring at the map of cracks above me. I tried closing my eyes but they kept flickering back open. The misery on Geoff’s face swam through me, the weight of his helplessness. I didn’t know him so well, him being quiet, me not having been around much. But they’d both been kids when they started having kids themselves. I lay there long, counting seconds, then minutes, then hours. Time. One second your arms were plunged into the sink up to your wrists, the next you’d fallen through its layers. There was only one true thing I could do for Tessa, for Geoff. I had to find out where Mum had been and why. I was a lawyer. So I should start acting like one.