Discovering Truths by B. Benfield (chrysanthemum read aloud .TXT) 📕

toilet lid. Opening the message, I took a deep breath before I started reading.

Abby,

 

First of all, please don’t cry. It was never my intention to hurt you. That being said, I think it would be best for us to stop what we’re doing. We’ve both been so busy and have a lot going on. I just don’t think continuing our relationship is a good idea right now. I do care about you and I want us to stay friends. You never know what could happen in the future, but I do think for now, it would be best to end it.

 

Gage

 

Before I even finished reading, my face was covered in tears. My skin was hot and I felt my heart drop to the pit of my stomach. How could he do this? He told me so many things…were they all lies? Did he ever even love me at all, or was I just a piece of ass he wasn’t getting at home? In that moment, I truly knew what it felt like to have your heart broken. I’d never felt this feeling, not even when I found out Marcus was betraying me. Gage brought so many missing pieces and emotions in my life and losing him felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest. Although I knew things between us weren’t the greatest currently, I always knew we’d be okay, because when he came back to me, he assured me that we’d make it through anything. Am I that stupid? This was my karma for the way I handled Marcus’s affair. I was convinced of that. I should have never gone about things this way. I deserved this. I deserved to hurt.

“Ugh!” I screamed, throwing my phone out of the bathroom. It landed on the bed, but at that point, I didn’t care. The screen could have cracked and I wouldn’t have been concerned.

I laughed out loud as I patted my eyes with a tissue. Still be friends? Ha! No chance in hell. Although I wanted him in my life, I couldn’t settle for a friendship. The love I had for him was too strong.

Walking to the bed, I picked up my phone and went to the Messenger app, opening our recent thread. I wanted answers.

Me: What the hell, Gage? That’s it? You’re breaking up with me…again?

It only took a few seconds before the dots on the screen started bouncing. I was sure he was waiting for this message. He knew I wouldn’t accept that e-mail and simply move on.

Gage: I’m sorry Abby. I just think this is best right now.

Me: Why did you come back to me if you knew this was going to happen?

Gage: I didn’t expect things to happen this way…

Me: Is this because we haven’t seen each other lately?

Gage: No. That’s not it. Just have a lot going on…

Me: And so do I. We said we’d get through everything together.

Gage: I’m sorry.

Me: Quit apologizing! You said you loved me, Gage. Did you ever even love me at all?

Gage: Of course I did.

Me: Then why are you doing this? I just don’t understand.

Gage: I’m sorry Abby.

He wasn’t going to give me the answers I needed. That proved to me that he was full of shit. He never loved me. I couldn’t believe I was ever stupid enough to believe that he did. I thought I had issues before, but everything happening now really showed me that I’d lost my mind. Who in their right mind thinks that having an affair will bring justice to a cheating husband? I should have ended my marriage as soon as I discovered the truth. Between Marcus, Gage, and my ongoing depression, I couldn’t handle another blow. At this point, I felt like I was at the lowest place I’d ever been in my life. I didn’t know how I’d recover.

“Ahh! Fuck!” I screamed, balling my fists. I wanted to hit something, as if that would ease the pain. I was falling off the deep end.

The flow of tears was unstoppable, but I continued to dry my eyes as I tried to calm myself down. Walking to the bathroom, I dipped my hand in the tub to feel the temperature of the water. It had gone warm and I needed a scalding cleanse, so I drained the water, then filled it back up as I went downstairs to mix my drink. I grabbed a tall glass and without measuring, poured in vodka, then slung open the refrigerator to see what I could find to mix with it. A two-liter of Sprite sat on the back of the shelf and I grabbed it, topping off my drink with the soda. I stuck a straw in the glass and stirred the liquid around before I took a sip. When the alcohol hit my tongue, I squeezed my eyes shut and shivered. Hopefully with a drink and hot bath, I could fall asleep quickly and forget the rest of the world. Maybe I’d wake up and this would all just be a terrible nightmare.

Lighting two candles, I turned off the lights and grabbed my drink before I sank down into the water. The room was dark and quiet, and I closed my eyes, silently begging myself to calm down with no luck. My emotions were uncontrollable. The heartbreak was real, but the anger soon took precedence. I downed my drink then stood up, splashing the whole way out of the tub. I wrapped a towel around my body and sloshed downstairs, mixing myself another drink. I drained the tub again and filled it back up with hot water, then climbed back in. As I chugged the drink, I began to talk out loud.

“I just can’t believe this. What a damn liar.”

The taste of the drink no longer affected me. I continued to chug,