Drop Dead Healthy by A. Jacobs (books to read to increase intelligence .TXT) 📕

next door and they have an opening. I was unprepared, but it’s hard to say no to Fisch.

At the lab, the technician gives me a cup and leads me to a small room. Maybe it’s my low testosterone, but this room seems like the least erotic place in the world. I don’t think all the maca powder in Peru could help me here.

I shut the door—and am alarmed to find out the walls are far from soundproof. It’s probably my imagination, but the walls seem to amplify the sound, as if there are woofers and tweeters hidden in there. I listen as the staff chatters away about delivery times and appointment switches. I notice a small table loaded with a stack of Playboys, which is thoughtful, I suppose. But these Playboys are faded and wrinkled, dating back to an era when Hugh Hefner didn’t need Pfizer’s help to have sex.

It took a while. I’ll skip the details, but let me put it this way: I was in there so long that when I emerged, the guy at the lab said, “Congratulations.”

A few days later, Harry called.

“Your testosterone is low!” he says.

His tone was so confident, almost upbeat, it made me unsure how to react. My testosterone clocks in at 245. The average for a man my age is 300 to 1,100.

Low testosterone sounds bad, and embarrassing. But on the other hand, so what? What’s the problem with being a little on the, shall we say, artistic side? I’m not looking to join the New Zealand rugby team.

Fisch says low testosterone can cause cardiovascular problems down the road. It’s also linked to fatigue, depression, and decreased muscle mass. Here’s how Fisch writes about it in his book: “Men with levels below 300 ng/dl (a condition called hypogonadism) tend to have little interest in sex and are usually nonconfrontational, socially inhibited, and physically weak. They are also often very intellectual, creative, expressive, and likable.” The intellectual and creative part sounds good. The socially inhibited, not so much. “Men with higher-than-normal testosterone tend to be just the reverse: Obsessed with sex, competitive, aggressive, extroverted, physical and tending toward more action-oriented activities or careers.” A mix would be nice.

How’d my testosterone get into such a sorry state? Several factors play into it.

It’s partly genetic, of course. But your testosterone level drops when you get married. It drops again when you have kids. It drops every moment after your thirtieth birthday—men lose about 1 percent of testosterone a year. (Though estrogen increases, “which is why we get man boobs,” says Fisch.) It drops when you have too much fat, especially abdominal fat. (I’m still working off my stomach.) I also have a vein-related problem down below called “varicocele.”

The good news, says Fisch, is that there are natural ways to boost your T. First, a healthy diet: walnuts, salmon, whole grains, the usual suspects. I’ve been eating this way for months, so I can’t rely on that. Fisch says that moderate exercise helps. Extreme exercise doesn’t, which is why, according to Stanford professor Robert Sapolsky, professional soccer players have lower-than-average testosterone. I’ve been exercising moderately for months, so I have that covered.

“I once read that you can boost your testosterone just by holding a gun,” I tell Fisch.

“That’s true, but that’s just a temporary fix,” he says.

He says we should think bigger: supplements.

There’s a long history of men trying to turbocharge their testosterone. Even before scientists discovered the chemical testosterone, they knew that the testes had more than a little to do with manliness. In the 1920s, a French surgeon named Serge Voronoff made a fortune with his “rejuvenation” techniques, which were rather extreme. He grafted chimpanzee-testicle tissue onto the penises of men. He promised a longer life, a higher sex drive, and better eyesight. Another doctor offered the same procedure with goat testicles. You’d pick your goat, much like you pick your lobster at a restaurant today, writes Pope Brock in his book Charlatan. Amazingly, none of the animal transplants worked as promised.

Now we have a more scientific wave of rejuvenation techniques. Thousands of men take testosterone supplements, either with gels, creams, or injections. The promises remain the same, except for the better eyesight part. The questions about treatments’ efficacy remain as well. Data are mixed. Some studies show testosterone shots increase muscle mass and energy. Others—including a major study published in The Journal of the American Medical Association in 2008—indicate that men taking testosterone did not improve in mobility, strength, or quality of life.

Skeptics also say we don’t know the long-term effects. One doctor I talked to said that the current vogue for testosterone supplements reminds her of the hormone replacement therapy trend in the 1990s. Millions of menopausal women underwent HRT to combat low libido and energy, only to find out later that it can raise the risk of breast cancer and heart disease.

Fisch says he’s not doing testosterone replacement therapy. He calls it “testosterone normalization.” He recommends against the testosterone gels and creams for me. I have children, and if I hold my kids against my gelled-up chest, the testosterone could rub off. Next thing you know, Jasper needs to borrow my Gillette Mach3.

Instead, Fisch recommends a drug called clomiphene or Clomid. This will make me produce my own testosterone. Oddly, this drug is usually used by women to boost fertility, but it also works in men to increase hormones called FSH and LH, which spur testosterone creation. Also, Clomid resets your baseline testosterone level, so you don’t have to keep taking it the rest of your life, Fisch says.

When I get home, I tell Julie.

“What are the side effects?” she asks suspiciously.

“Well, it’ll increase my sex drive.”

“I think your sex drive is just fine.”

“There’s a chance it’d increase my baldness.”

“That’s not good.”

I tell Julie many doctors are leery, seeing as the science behind it is new, and we don’t know all the side effects yet.

“No, I think it’s a bad idea.”

“I should at least try it.”

“No, don’t do it.”

She shut