Nelson's Lady Hamilton by Meynell, Esther (surface ebook reader txt) 📕

continues: " Oh, my dearest friend, our dear Lord is just come in. He goes off to-night and sails immediately. My heart is fit to Burst quite with greef. Oh, what pain, God only knows ! I can only say, may the Allmighty God bless, prosper, and protect him. I shall go mad with grief. Oh, God only knows what it is to part with such a friend, suck a one. We were truly called the ' Tria Juncta in nno,' for Sir William, he, and I have but one heart in three bodies!' After Nelson's departure Emma writes again : "Anxiety and heart-bleedings for your dear brother's departure has made me so ill, I have not been able to write. I cannot eat or sleep. Oh, may God prosper and bless him / "

Before Nelson came up to town the Hamil-tons had moved from the house in Grosvenor Square, lent them by William Beckford, to a house of their own in Piccadilly—Emma selling some of her valuable diamonds in order to furnish it in suitable splendour. Nelson might be sighing for her at sea, and she might consider herself prostrate with grief over his absence, but she meant to take advantage, nevertheless, of the pleasures of London society, and was bent on entertaining. It will be remembered that Mr. Elliot had prophesied of her at Dresden, " She will captivate the Prince of Wales, whose mind is as vulgar as her own, and play a great part in England." A portion of this prophecy

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threatened to come true, for shortly after moving into their new house the Hamiltons were informed that the Prince desired to dine with thei and have the pleasure of hearing Emma sing. Sir William Hamilton wrote to inform Nelsoi of this fact, telling him—

" We have been drawn in to be under th< absolute necessity of giving a dinner to the P. ol Wales on Sunday next. He asked it himsell having expressed a strong desire of hearing Banti's and Emma's voices together. I am well aware of the dangers ... Not that I fear, that Emma could ever be induced to act contrary to the prudent conduct she has hitherto pursued; but the world is so ill-natured, that the worst construction is put upon the most innocent actions. As this dinner must be, or he would be offended, I shall keep strictly to the musical part, invite only Banti, her husband, and Taylor; and as I wish to show a civility to Davison, I have sent him an invitation. In short, we will get rid of it as well as we can, and guard against its producing more meetings of the same sort. Emma would really have gone any lengths to have avoided Sunday's dinner. But I thought it would not be prudent to break with the P. of Wales; who, really, has shewn the greatest civility to us, when we were last in England, and since we returned: and she has, at last, acquiesced to my opinion."

This news affected Nelson violently. His frantic anxiety that Emma should not be contaminated would be ludicrous were it not so pitiable as showing how his love had idealized and glorified her into something almost saintly. He wrote distractedly—

" You are too beautiful not to have enemies, and even one visit will stamp you. . . . But, my dear friend, I know you too well not to be convinced you cannot be seduced by any prince in Europe. You are, in my opinion, the pattern of perfection." But in spite of this profession of faith, he cries, " The thought so agitates me that I cannot write. I had wrote a few lines last night but I am in tears, I cannot bear it." And again, " I own I sometimes fear that you will not be so true to me as I am to you, yet I cannot, will not believe, you can be false. No ! I judge you by myself. I hope to be dead before that should happen, but it will not. Forgive me, Emma, oh, forgive your own dear, disinterested Nelson." He cannot reconcile his mind to the thought of the projected dinner-party, it preys upon him like a nightmare. " I am so agitated that I can write nothing. I knew it would be so, and you can't help it. Do not sit long at table. Good God! He will be next you, and telling you soft things. . . . Oh, God ! that I was dead! But I do not, my dearest Emma, blame you, nor do I fear your constancy. ... I

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am gone almost mad, but you cannot help it. It will be in all the newspapers with hints." He has heard, he says, that the words of the Prince of Wales are so charming that no person can withstand them : " No one, not even Emma, could resist the serpent's flattering tongue." Then he breaks out into a melancholy strain that recalls Ophelia's wandering words, " I know my Emma, and don't forget that you had once a Nelson, a friend, a dear friend, but alas! he has his misfortunes. He has lost the best, his only friend, his only love. Don't forget him, poor fellow! He is honest. Oh 1 I could thunder and strike dead with my lightning." After he comes back a little to his senses, he writes : " Forgive my letter wrote and sent last night, perhaps my head was a little affected. No wonder,