Cries From the Heart by Trish Hanan (best ereader for academics TXT) 📕

Lost in Endless

Lost in an endless void of sea,
That threatens to overpower me.
I search for reasons to survive,
And think, “Why do I stay alive?”

An endless struggle to be free,
To realize the visions of my dreams.
In slumber do the demons sleep,
Only to waken when I dream of thee.

Fear like an armor I must wear,
And walk carefully, as not to tear.
For when the armor wears away,
Fear seeps in my every day.

And with the golden haze’s flight,
The demons whisper in the night.
On silent feet they come to haunt,
With familiar wisdom, they do taunt.

Control dangles on slender thread,
Stretching slowing, I watch with dread.
It often breaks though I try in vain,
Then my soul in anguish cries in with pain.

written: August, 1989

I Can’t Sleep

I can’t sleep
Cause I’ve been thinking
I’m on a boat
And that boat, it is sinking
On an inky black sea
Under an inky black sky
There are no stars in that sky
I wonder why
No lights in the sky
No lights on the sea
But I can see it
See it clear
A huge black fin
From a huge black shape
With gleaming sharp white teeth
And his leery red grin
He knows he will get me
If the boat does sink
And I can’t stop the water
From drifting in
Waves of despair wash over me
Oh, why won’t she help me
Why don’t she care
Why does she let him
It’s too much to bear
So I drift in the water
And pretend he’s not there
If it’s too dark to see
Then it must not be happening
It’s all just a dream
But how can I dream
If I’m not sleeping

written: September, 1989


Life and Death

The line between life and death,
You must never cross, and yet.
Are we alive, merely to die,
Or do we die to come alive?

The truth not known until the end,
Has been sought by many men.
And countless hours spent on knees,
Praying to an unknown means.

Life ends we know in silent tomb.
Begins at birth, or in the womb?
Or in the grave with loved ones tears?
What man knows not, he always fears.

An endless struggle just to cope,
With endless puzzles and little hope.
To live, to love, to fight, to yearn,
These are the lessons we must learn.

And when the soul rises to the above,
To meet, we pray, with our Father’s love.
Without this golden dream, this vision,
Man is just a man without a mission.

Birth and death, these are the seasons,
To exist cannot be the only reason.
And when the time has come to part,
We find the strength deep in our heart.


written: October, 1989


Soul Will Fly Free

I feel bad
And I feel dirty
And I feel so ashamed.

But it wasn’t my fault
It wasn’t my deed
I cannot be blamed.

For what was done
Was done to me
And not by me, you see.

Until the truth
Is known by all
My soul cannot fly free.

It hurts so much
This ache inside
As though my heart is breaking.

You stole my soul
You stole my mind
And now my peace you’re taking.

You are here
Though not in body
Your spirit comes to haunt me.

I can see your face
I can feel your touch
I can hear your words, they taunt me.

I could never forget
I could never forgive
And I don’t know why I should try.

Those feelings of love
Those feelings of trust
Any feelings I had, well, they died.

In the dark is the fear
In the dark is the pain
In the dark are my small sounds of anguish.

But now there’s a light
Shining small but so bright
And the dark I am learning to vanquish.

And I hope and I pray
There will come a day
When my body and soul become one.

Then my heart will be free
To trust and to breathe
And my soul will fly free in the sun.

written: September, 1989


The Way it Was

Come here my precious little girl,
Come sit with me awhile.
Come here…a little closer,
And give me your sweet smile.

You’re Daddy’s little special girl,
He loves you, oh, so much.
What? What’s this I’m doing?
Well, Daddy likes to touch.

It shows how much I love you,
It shows how much I care.
You know you really like it,
When I touch you there.

There…now isn’t this nice,
They’ve left us here all alone.
Come on, let’s take this old thing off,
And show Daddy how much you’ve grown.

Slap! Hey, put your hands down,
You know that I just want to look.
I can see in your eyes what you want me to do,
Daddy can read you like a book.

Hey, I’ve got an idea,
We’ll take a bath, me and you.
I can wash you and you can wash me,
Oh, come on, you want to, I know that you do.

Now, remember, it’s our little secret,
You mustn’t tell a soul.
Or Daddy will not love you,
And they’ll make you go.

They’ll take you away and put you in jail,
Let me show you how it will be.
They’ll come and take you and lock you away,
Lock you away, throw away the key.

Oh, please let me out, I won’t tell,
I promise I won’t tell no one.
I’m afraid of the dark, I’m afraid of in here,
My soul cries for the sun.

There…now, don’t you fell better?
Come one, oh, don’t be so scared.
Daddy’s here, Daddy really loves you.
This is how Daddy shows he cares.

written: September, 1989


While I Die

Footsteps
Silent, furry padded feet
Walk the endless corridors
Of my mind

While I sleep

Claws
Sharp long claws scratch
The windowed surface
To my brain

While I dream

Eyes
Glowing brightly in the dark
See clearly where I hide
In my fright

While I wait

Hands
Seeking out places I can’t prevent
Touching me softly
To my shame

While I cry

Tears
Flowing quietly down my face
Form endless pools
Of my fear

While I hate

Them
Him for doing what he does
Her for knowing and not caring
Me for living

While I die

written: October, 1989


To Andrea, Age Eight

Maybe one day
When you ask me
Why I cry
Alone in the night
Maybe you think that
You want to know
The reasons for my fright
Maybe then I’ll tell you
Maybe you should know
But it isn’t very pretty
And it isn’t very nice
And you won’t want to know
The reasons I am feeling
So alone and so confused
So, maybe I should tell
So it doesn’t happen to you

You would think that
You could trust
The people that you love
The ones who ought
To care for you
And teach you all
The things that you
Should know
To help you grow-up
The right way
With everything intact
And the feelings that
You experience
Are only those of love
And trust and comfort
And all the things
That kids should feel
With nothing missing
Or misused

But instead your life’s
A jigsaw puzzle
That has all the pieces
The right size and shape
And the colors are
The right shade
But somehow that puzzle
Doesn’t fit together
The way that it should
No matter how hard you try
And somehow you know
That you’re the reason why
That’s where they put the blame
And it has to be true
Or else they wouldn’t say it
That’s what they tell you
And they are the ones
Who should know

So, darling
Theses things that I tell you
I just want you to know
That I’m trying my best
To make sure that you grow
In all the right places
Through all the right times
So that your life will be
So much better than mine
So, remember I love you
And I’ll always be there
To help you along
With all of your cares
And no matter what happens
Your life will be fair
So, even though
Sometimes I cry
I know I’m a good mother
‘Cause you love and trust me
That’s why.

written: October, 1989


In The Mirror

I look in the mirror
And what do I see?
A distorted reflection;
Image of a stranger
Staring back at me.

Who is this stranger?
It cannot be me.
It’s someone who’s learned
That life is a prison
She can never be free.

A clever mask covers
The feelings inside.
So that no one can touch her
No one can hurt her
She knows she must hide.

Only her eyes show the wisdom;
Sufferings of the past.
Only her soul understands
The yearning for peace
Freedom that will last.

Will she let anyone know her?
Can she trust you?
With the secrets of childhood
The cries of her youth.
She wishes she knew.

And maybe the child deep within her
Maybe then she can breathe.
Maybe then I can love her
And help her find peace.
Maybe then, she’ll be free.


written: October, 1989


I AM ME

Hey, it’s me!
Can you hear me?
I am trying to speak.
But you’ve never noticed,
You’ve made my voice weak.

You pushed me so far,
Deep inside that I hid.
So you wouldn’t remember,
All the things that he did.

Hey, it’s me!
Can you feel me?
I know that you know.
That I’m here deep inside,
And you can’t make me go.

You think you can hurt me,
Outside with the pain.
But when that pain fades,
Down inside’s jut the same.

Hey, it’s me!
Can you love me?
You never did that before.
All these years I’ve been kept,
Locked behind your heart’s door.

But now you can see me,
And the key’s in your hand.
Hey, it’s me, and I’m you,
I knew one day you’d understand.

written: October, 1989


If I Told

If I told you of my shame,
Would you think that I’m to blame?
Or would you know that I was innocent.

If I spoke of bad things that happened,
Would you think that I was bad?
Or would you know that I was only obedient.

If I told you my dark secrets,
Would you make me run and hide?
Or would you know I’ve come too close to hide again.

If I spoke of things he did,
Would you think they were deserved?
Or would you know that I had no choice.

If I told you the ways I’ve coped,
Would you think that I’m insane?
Or would you know that’s what I did to escape.

If I spoke of neglect and abuse,
Would you think that it was normal?
Or would you know