Life of St Teresa of Jesus by Teresa of Avila (e ink epub reader TXT) 📕

enough to understand its state, be the books ever so clear.

11. I wish much that our Lord would help me to describe the

effects on the soul of these things, now that they begin to be

supernatural, so that men might know by these effects whether

they come from the Spirit of God. I mean, known as things are

known here below—though it is always well to live in fear, and

on our guard; for even if they do come from God, now and then the

devil will be able to transform himself into an angel of

light; [4] and the soul, if not experienced herein, will not

understand the matter; and it must have so much experience for

the understanding thereof, that it is necessary it should have

attained to the highest perfection of prayer.

12. The little time I have helps me but little, and it is

therefore necessary His Majesty should undertake it Himself; for

I have to live in community, and have very many things to employ

me, as I am in a house which is newly founded—as will appear

hereafter; [5] and so I am writing, with very many interruptions,

by little and little at a time. I wish I had leisure; for when

our Lord gives the spirit, it is more easily and better done; it

is then as with a person working embroidery with the pattern

before her; but if the spirit be wanting, there is no more

meaning in the words than in gibberish, so to speak, though many

years may have been spent in prayer. And thus I think it a very

great advantage to be in this state of prayer when I am writing

this; for I see clearly that it is not I who speak, nor is it I

who with her understanding has arranged it; and afterwards I do

not know how I came to speak so accurately. [6] It has often

happened to me thus.

13. Let us now return to our orchard, or flower-garden, and

behold now how the trees begin to fill with sap for the bringing

forth of the blossoms, and then of the fruit—the flowers and the

plants, also, their fragrance. This illustration pleases me; for

very often, when I was beginning—and our Lord grant that I have

really begun to serve His Majesty—I mean, begun in relation to

what I have to say of my life,—it was to me a great joy to

consider my soul as a garden, and our Lord as walking in it.

I used to beseech Him to increase the fragrance of the little

flowers of virtues—which were beginning, as it seemed to

bud—and preserve them, that they might be to His glory; for I

desired nothing for myself. I prayed Him to cut those He liked,

because I already knew that they would grow the better.

14. I say cut; for there are times in which the soul has no

recollection of this garden—everything seems parched, and there

is no water to be had for preserving it—and in which it seems as

if the soul had never possessed any virtue at all. This is the

season of heavy trials; for our Lord will have the poor gardener

suppose all the trouble he took in maintaining and watering the

garden to have been taken to no purpose. Then is the time really

for weeding and rooting out every plant, however small it may be,

that is worthless, in the knowledge that no efforts of ours are

sufficient, if God withholds from us the waters of His grace; and

in despising ourselves as being nothing, and even less than

nothing. In this way we gain great humility—the flowers

grow afresh.

15. O my Lord and my Good! I cannot utter these words without

tears, and rejoicing in my soul; for Thou wilt be thus with us,

and art with us, in the Sacrament. We may believe so most truly;

for so it is, and the comparison I make is a great truth; and, if

our sins stand not in the way, we may rejoice in Thee, because

Thou rejoicest in us; for Thou hast told us that Thy delight is

to be with the children of men. [7] O my Lord, what does it

mean? Whenever I hear these words, they always give me great

consolation, and did so even when I was most wicked.

16. Is it possible, 0 Lord, that there can be a soul which, after

attaining to this state wherein Thou bestowest upon it the like

graces and consolations, and wherein it understands that Thou

delightest to be with it, can yet fall back and offend Thee after

so many favours, and such great demonstrations of the love Thou

bearest it, and of which there cannot be any doubt, because the

effect of it is so visible? Such a soul there certainly is; for

I have done so, not once, but often. May it please Thy goodness,

O Lord, that I may be alone in my ingratitude—the only one who

has committed so great an iniquity, and whose ingratitude has

been so immeasurable! But even out of my ingratitude Thine

infinite goodness has brought forth some good; and the greater my

wickedness, the greater the splendour of the great mercy of Thy

compassions. Oh, what reasons have I to magnify them for ever!

17. May it be so, I beseech Thee, O my God, and may I sing of

them for ever, now that Thou hast been pleased to show mercies so

great unto me that they who see them are astonished, mercies

which draw me out of myself continually, that I may praise Thee

more and more! for, remaining in myself, without Thee, I could do

nothing, O my Lord, but be as the withered flowers of the garden;

so that this miserable earth of mine becomes a heap of refuse, as

it was before. Let it not be so, O Lord!—let not a soul which

Thou hast purchased with so many labours be lost, one which Thou

hast so often ransomed anew, and delivered from between the teeth

of the hideous dragon!

18. You, my father, must forgive me for wandering from the

subject; and, as I am speaking to the purpose I have in view, you

must not be surprised. What I write is what my soul has

understood; and it is very often hard enough to abstain from the

praises of God when, in the course of writing, the great debt I

owe Him presents itself before me. Nor do I think that it can be

disagreeable to you; because both of us, I believe, may sing the

same song, though in a different way; for my debt is much the

greater, seeing that God has forgiven me more, as you, my

father, know.

1. 2 Cor. v. 14: “Charitas enim Christi urget nos.”

2. See ch. xvii. § 12; Way of Perfection, ch. liii., but xxxi. of

the old editions.

3. See Relation, i. § 12.

4. 2 Cor. xi. 14: “Ipse enim Satanas transfigurat se in

angelum lucis.”

5. See ch. x. § 11. As that passage refers probably to the

monastery of the Incarnation, this must refer to that of

St. Joseph, newly founded in Avila; for that of the Incarnation

was founded a short time before the Saint was born; and she could

hardly say of it, now that she was at least in her forty-seventh

year, that it was newly founded. The house, however, was poor;

for she says, ch. xxxii. § 12, that the nuns occasionally quitted

the monastery for a time, because of its poverty.

6. See ch. xviii. § 10. In the second Report of the Rota,

477—quoted by Benedict XIV., De Canoniz. iii. 26, n. 12, and

by the Bollandists in the Acta, 1315—we have these words, and

they throw great light on the text: “Sunt et alli testes de visu

affirmantes quod quando beata Teresa scribebat libros, facies

ejus resplendebat.” In the information taken in Granada, the

Mother Anne of the Incarnation says she saw the Saint one night,

while writing the Fortress of the Soul, with her face shining;

and Mary of St. Francis deposes to the same effect in the

informations taken in Medina (De la Fuente,

vol. ii. pp. 389, 392).

7. Prov. viii. 31: “Deliciæ meæ esse cum filiis hominum.”

Chapter XV.

Instructions for Those Who Have Attained to the Prayer of Quiet.

Many Advance So Far, but Few Go Farther.

1. Let us now go back to the subject. This quiet and

recollection of the soul makes itself in great measure felt in

the satisfaction and peace, attended with very great joy and

repose of the faculties, and most sweet delight, wherein the soul

is established. [1] It thinks, because it has not gone beyond

it, that there is nothing further to wish for, but that its abode

might be there, and it would willingly say so with St. Peter. [2]

It dares not move nor stir, because it thinks that this blessing

it has received must then escape out of its hands; now and then,

it could wish it did not even breathe. [3] The poor little soul

is not aware that, as of itself it could do nothing to draw down

this blessing on itself, it is still less able to retain it a

moment longer than our Lord wills it should remain.

2. I have already said that, in the prior recollection and

quiet, [4] there is no failure of the powers of the soul; but the

soul is so satisfied in God that, although two of its powers be

distracted, yet, while the recollection lasts, as the will abides

in union with God, so its peace and quiet are not disturbed; on

the contrary, the will by degrees brings the understanding and

the memory back again; for though the will is not yet altogether

absorbed, it continues still occupied without knowing how, so

that, notwithstanding all the efforts of the memory and the

understanding, they cannot rob it of its delight and

joy [5]—yea, rather, it helps without any labour at all to keep

this little spark of the love of God from being quenched.

3. Oh, that His Majesty would be gracious unto me, and enable me

to give a clear account of the matter; for many are the souls who

attain to this state, and few are they who go farther: and I know

not who is in fault; most certainly it is not God; for when His

Majesty shows mercy unto a soul, so that it advances so far, I

believe that He will not fail to be more merciful still, if there

be no shortcomings on our part.

4. And it is of great importance for the soul that has advanced

so far as this to understand the great dignity of its state, the

great grace given it by our Lord, and how in all reason it should

not belong to earth; because He, of His goodness, seems to make

it here a denizen of heaven, unless it be itself in fault.

And miserable will that soul be if it turns back; it will go

down, I think so, even to the abyss, as I was going myself, if

the mercy of our Lord had not brought me back; because, for the

most part, it must be the effect of grave faults—that is my

opinion: nor is it possible to forsake so great a good otherwise

than through the blindness occasioned by much evil.

5. Therefore, for the love of our Lord, I implore those souls to

whom His Majesty has given so great a grace—the attainment of

this state—to know and make much of themselves,