Life of St Teresa of Jesus by Teresa of Avila (e ink epub reader TXT) 📕

sweet, suppose that there never will be a Sunday or a time when

no work ought to be done. They think it lost time to do

otherwise; but I think that loss their greatest gain. Let them

rather, as I have said, [8] place themselves in the presence of

Christ, and, without fatiguing the understanding, converse with

Him, and in Him rejoice, without wearying themselves in searching

out reasons; but let them rather lay their necessities before

Him, and the just reasons there are why He should not suffer us

in His presence: at one time this, at another time that, lest the

soul should be wearied by always eating of the same food. These

meats are most savoury and wholesome, if the palate be accustomed

to them; they will furnish a great support for the life of the

soul, and they have many other advantages also.

18. I will explain myself further; for the doctrine of prayer is

difficult, and, without a director, very hard to understand.

Though I would willingly be concise, and though a mere hint is

enough for his clear intellect who has commanded me to write on

the subject of prayer, yet so it is, my dulness does not allow me

to say or explain in a few words that which it is so important to

explain well. I, who have gone through so much, am sorry for

those who begin only with books; for there is a strange

difference between that which we learn by reading, and that which

we learn by experience.

19. Going back, then, to what I was saying. We set ourselves to

meditate upon some mystery of the Passion: let us say, our Lord

at the pillar. The understanding goeth about seeking for the

sources out of which came the great dolours and the bitter

anguish which His Majesty endured in that desolation.

It considers that mystery in many lights, which the intellect, if

it be skilled in its work, or furnished with learning, may there

obtain. This is a method of prayer which should be to everyone

the beginning, the middle, and the end: a most excellent and safe

way, until our Lord shall guide them to other supernatural ways.

20. I say to all, because there are many souls who make greater

progress by meditation on other subjects than on the Sacred

Passion; for as there are many mansions in heaven, so there are

also many roads leading thither. Some persons advance by

considering themselves in hell, others in heaven—and these are

distressed by meditations on hell. Others meditate on death;

some persons, if tender-hearted, are greatly fatigued by

continual meditations on the Passion; but are consoled and make

progress when they meditate on the power and greatness of God in

His creatures, and on His love visible in all things. This is an

admirable method—not omitting, however, from time to time, the

Passion and Life of Christ, the Source of all good that ever

came, and that ever shall come.

21. He who begins is in need of instruction, whereby he may

ascertain what profits him most. For this end it is very

necessary he should have a director, who ought to be a person of

experience; for if he be not, he will make many mistakes, and

direct a soul without understanding its ways, or suffering it to

understand them itself; for such a soul, knowing that obedience

to a director is highly meritorious, dares not transgress the

commandments it receives. I have met with souls cramped and

tormented, because he who directed them had no experience: that

made me sorry for them. Some of them knew not what to do with

themselves; for directors who do not understand the spirit of

their penitents afflict them soul and body, and hinder

their progress. [9]

22. One person I had to do with had been kept by her director for

eight years, as it were, in prison; he would not allow her to

quit the subject of self-knowledge; and yet our Lord had already

raised her to the prayer of quiet; so she had much to suffer.

23. Although this matter of self-knowledge must never be put

aside—for there is no soul so great a giant on this road but has

frequent need to turn back, and be again an infant at the breast;

and this must never be forgotten. I shall repeat it, [10]

perhaps, many times, because of its great importance—for among

all the states of prayer, however high they may be, there is not

one in which it is not often necessary to go back to the

beginning. The knowledge of our sins, and of our own selves, is

the bread which we have to eat with all the meats, however

delicate they may be, in the way of prayer; without this bread,

life cannot be sustained, though it must be taken by measure.

When a soul beholds itself resigned, and clearly understands that

there is no goodness in it—when it feels itself abashed in the

presence of so great a King, and sees how little it pays of the

great debt it owes Him—why should it be necessary for it to

waste its time on this subject? Why should it not rather proceed

to other matters which our Lord places before it, and for

neglecting which there is no reason? His Majesty surely knows

better than we do what kind of food is proper for us.

24. So, then, it is of great consequence that the director should

be prudent—I mean, of sound understanding—and a man of

experience. If, in addition to this, he is a learned man, it is

a very great matter. But if these three qualities cannot be had

together, the first two are the most important, because learned

men may be found with whom we can communicate when it is

necessary. I mean, that for beginners learned men are of little

use, if they are not men of prayer. I do not say that they are

to have nothing to do with learned men, because a spirituality,

the foundations of which are not resting on the truth, I would

rather were not accompanied with prayer. Learning is a great

thing, for it teaches us who know so little, and enlightens us;

so when we have come to the knowledge of the truths contained in

the holy writings, we do what we ought to do. From silly

devotions, God deliver us!

25. I will explain myself further, for I am meddling, I believe,

with too many matters. It has always been my failing that I

could never make myself understood—as I said before [11]—but at

the cost of many words. A nun begins to practise prayer; if her

director be silly, and if he should take it into his head, he

will make her feel that it is better for her to obey him than her

own superior. He will do all this without any evil purpose,

thinking that he is doing right. For if he be not a religious

himself, he will think this right enough. If his penitent be a

married woman, he will tell her that it is better for her to give

herself unto prayer, when she ought to attend to her house,

although she may thereby displease her husband. And so it is, he

knows not how to make arrangements for time and business, so that

everything may be done as it ought to be done; he has no light

himself, and can therefore give none to others, however much he

may wish to do so.

26. Though learning does not seem necessary for discretion, my

opinion has always been, and will be, that every Christian should

continue to be guided by a learned director if he can, and the

more learned the better. They who walk in the way of prayer have

the greater need of learning; and the more spiritual they are the

greater is that need. Let them not say that learned men not

given to prayer are not fit counsellors for those who pray: that

is a delusion. I have conversed with many; and now for some

years I have sought them the more, because of my greater need of

them. I have always been fond of them; for though some of them

have no experience, they do not dislike spirituality, neither are

they ignorant of what it is, because in the sacred writings with

which they are familiar they always find the truth about

spirituality. I am certain myself that a person given to prayer,

who treats of these matters with learned men, unless he is

deceived with his own consent, will never be carried away by any

illusions of the devil. I believe that the evil spirits are

exceedingly afraid of learned men who are humble and virtuous,

knowing that they will be found out and defeated by them.

27. I have said this because there are opinions held to the

effect that learned men, if they are not spiritual, are not

suited for persons given to prayer. I have just said that a

spiritual director is necessary; but if he be not a learned man,

he is a great hindrance. It will help us much if we consult

those who are learned, provided they be virtuous; even if they be

not spiritual, they will be of service to me, and God will enable

them to understand what they should teach; He will even make them

spiritual, in order that they may help us on. I do not say this

without having had experience of it; and I have met with more

than two.

28. I say, then, that a person who shall resign his soul to be

wholly subject to one director will make a great mistake, if he

is in religion, unless he finds a director of this kind, because

of the obedience due to his own superior. His director may be

deficient in the three requisites I speak of, [12] and that will

be no slight cross, without voluntarily subjecting the

understanding to one whose understanding is none of the best.

At least, I have never been able to bring myself to do it,

neither does it seem to me to be right.

29. But if he be a person living in the world, let him praise God

for the power he has of choosing whom he will obey, and let him

not lose so excellent a liberty; yea, rather let him be without a

director till he finds him—for our Lord will give him one, if he

is really humble, and has a desire to meet with the right person.

I praise God greatly—we women, and those who are unlearned,

ought always to render Him unceasing thanks—because there are

persons who, by labours so great, have attained to the truth, of

which we unlearned people are ignorant. I often wonder at learned

men—particularly those who are in religion—when I think of the

trouble they have had in acquiring that which they communicate to

me for my good, and that without any more trouble to me than the

asking for it. And yet there are people who will not take

advantage of their learning: God grant it may not be so!

30. I see them undergo the poverty of the religious life, which

is great, together with its penances, its meagre food, the yoke

of obedience, which makes me ashamed of myself at times; and with

all this, interrupted sleep, trials everywhere, everywhere the

Cross. I think it would be a great evil for any one to lose so

great a good by his own fault. It