Life and Death of Mr. Badman by John Bunyan (most life changing books TXT) 📕

Atten. Yet one may see, by this, the desperateness of mans heart: {148b} for what is it but desperate wickedness, to make promise to God of amendment, if he will but spare them; and yet so soon as they are recovered (or quickly after,) fall to sin as they did before, and never to regard their promise more.

Wise. It is a sign of desperateness indeed; yea, of desperate madness. For surely, they must needs think, that God took notice of their promise, that he heard the words that they spake, {148c} and that he hath laid them up against the time to come; and will then bring out, and testifie to their faces, that they flattered him with their mouth, and lyed unto him with their tongue, {148d} when they lay sick, to their thinking, upon their death-bed, and promised him that if he would recover them they would repent and amend their ways. But thus, as I have told you, Mr. Badman did. He made great promises that he would be a New man, that he would leave his sins, and become a Convert, that he would love, &c. his godly wife, &c. Yea many fine words had Mr. Badman in his sickness, but no good actions when he was well.

Atten. And how did his good wife take it, when she saw that he had no Amendment, but that he returned with the Dog to his vomit, to his old courses again?

Wise. Why it {149a} broke her heart, it was a worse disappointment to her than the cheat that he gave her in marriage: At least she laid it more to heart, and could not so well grapple with it. You must think that she had put up many a prayer to God for him before, even all the time that he had carried it so badly to her, and now when he was so affrighted in his sickness, and so desired that he might live and mend, poor woman, she thought that the time was come for God to answer her prayers; nay, she did not let with gladness, to whisper it out amongst her Friends, that ‘twas so: but when she saw her self disappointed by her husbands turning Rebel again, she could not stand up under it, but falls into a languishing distemper, and in a few weeks gave up the Ghost.

Atten. Pray how did she dye?

Wise. Die! she dyed bravely; full of comfort of the faith of her Interest in Christ, and by him, of the world to come: she had many brave Expressions in her sickness, and gave to those that came to visit her many signs of her salvation; the thoughts of the Grave, but specially of her Rising again, were sweet thoughts to her. She would long for Death, because she knew it would be her Friend. She behaved her self like to some that were making of them ready to go meet their Bridegroom. {149b} Now, said she, I am going to rest from my sorrows, my sighs, my tears, my mournings and complaints: I have heretofore longed to be among the Saints, but might by no means be suffered to goe, but now I am going, (and no man can stop me) to the great Meeting, to the general Assembly, and Church of the first-born which are written in Heaven. {149c} There I shall have my hearts desire; there I shall worship without Temptation or other impediment; there I shall see the face of my Jesus, whom I have loved, whom I have served, and who now, I know, will save my soul. {149d} I have prayed often for my husband, that he might be converted, but there has been no answer of God in that matter; Are my prayers lost? are they forgotten? are they thrown over the barr? No; they are hanged upon the horns of the golden Altar, and I must have the benefit of them my self, that moment that I shall enter into the gates, in at which the righteous Nation that keepeth truth shall enter: I say, I shall have the benefit of them. I can say as holy David; I say, I can say of my husband, as he could of his enemies. As for me, when they were sick my cloathing was of sack-cloth, I humbled my soul with fasting, and my prayer returned into my bosom. {150a} My prayers are not lost, my tears are yet in God’s bottle; I would have had a Crown, and Glory for my husband, and for those of my children that follow his steps; but so far as I can see yet, I must rest in the hope of having all my self.

Atten. Did she talk thus openly?

Wise. No; this she spake but to one or two of her most intimate acquaintance, who were permitted to come and see her, when she lay languishing upon her death-bed.

Atten. Well, but pray go on in your relation, this is good: I am glad to hear it, this is as a cordial to my heart while we sit thus talking under this tree.

Wise. When she drew near her end, she called for her husband, and when he was come to her, she told him, {150b} That now he and she must part, and said she, God knows, and thou shalt know, that I have been a loving, faithful Wife unto thee; my prayers have been many for thee; and as for all the abuses that I have received at thy hand, those I freely and heartily forgive, and still shall pray for thy conversion, even as long as I breathe in this world. But husband, I am going thither, where no bad man shall come, and if thou dost not convert, thou wilt never see me more with comfort; let not my plain words offend thee: I am thy dying wife, and of my faithfulness to thee, would leave this Exhortation with thee: Break off thy sins, fly to God for mercy while mercies gate stands open; remember, that the day is coming, when thou, though now lusty and well, must lye at the gates of death, as I do: And what wilt thou then do, if thou shalt be found with a naked soul, to meet with the Cherubims with their flaming swords? yea, what wilt thou then do, if Death and Hell shall come to visit thee, and thou in thy sins, and under the Curse of the Law?

Atten. This was honest and plain: but what said Mr. Badman to her?

Wise. He did what he could to divert her talk, {151a} by throwing in other things; he also shewed some kind of pity to her now, and would ask her, What she would have? and with various kind of words put her out of her talk; for when she see that she was not regarded, she fetcht a deep sigh, and lay still. So he went down, and then she called for her Children, and began to talk to them. And first she spake to those that were rude, {151b} and told them the danger of dying before they had grace in their hearts. She told them also, that Death might be nearer them than they were aware of; and bid them look, when they went through the Church-yard again, if there was not little graves there. And, ah children, said she, will it not be dreadful to you, if we only shall meet at the day of Judgment, and then part again, and never see each other more? And with that she wept, the Children (also) wept; so she held on her discourse: Children, said she, I am going from you, I am going to Jesus Christ, and with him there is neither sorrow, nor sighing, nor pain, nor tears, nor death. {151c} Thither would I have you go also, but I can neither carry you, nor fetch you thither; but if you shall turn from your sins to God, and shall beg mercy at his hands by Jesus Christ, you shall follow me, and shall, when you dye, come to the place where I am going, that blessed place of Rest: and then we shall be for ever together, beholding the face of our Redeemer, to our mutual and eternal joy. So she bid them remember the words of a dying mother when she was cold in her grave, and themselves were hot in their sins, if perhaps her words might put check to their vice, and that they might remember and turn to God.

Then they all went down; but her {151d} Darling, to wit, the child that she had most love for, because it followed her ways. So she addressed her self to that. Come to me, said she, my sweet child, thou art the child of my joy: I have lived to see thee a Servant of God; thou shalt have eternal life. I, my sweet heart, shall goe before, and thou shalt follow after; if thou shalt hold the beginning of thy confidence stedfast to the end. {152a} When I am gone, do thou still remember my words, love thy Bible, follow my Ministers, deny ungodliness still, and if troublous times shall come, set an higher price upon Christ, his Word and Wayes, and the testimony of a good conscience, than upon all the world besides. Carry it kindly and dutifully to thy Father, but choose none of his ways. If thou mayest, goe to service, choose that, rather than to stay at home; but then be sure to choose a service where thou mayest be helped forwards in the way to heaven; and that thou mayest have such a service, speak to my Minister, he will help thee, if possible, to such an one.

I would have thee also, my dear child, to love thy Brothers and Sisters, but learn none of their naughty tricks. Have no fellowship with the unfruitfull works of darkness, but rather reprove them. {152b} Thou hast Grace, they have none: do thou therefore beautifie the way of salvation before their eyes, by a godly life, and conformable conversation to the revealed will of God, that thy Brothers and Sisters may see and be the more pleased with the good wayes of the Lord.

If thou shalt live to marry, take heed of being served as I was; that is, of being beguiled with fair words, and the flatteries of a lying tongue. But first be sure of godliness. Yea, as sure as it is possible for one to be in this world: trust not thine own eyes, nor thine own Judgment; I mean as to that persons godliness that thou art invited to marry. Ask counsel of good men, and do nothing therein, if he lives, without my Ministers advice. I have also my self desired him to look after thee. Thus she talked to her children, and gave them counsel, and after she had talked to this a little longer, she kiss’d it, and bid it go down.

Well, in short, her time drew on, and the day that she must die. So she {152c} died with a soul full of Grace, an heart full of comfort, and by her death ended a life full of trouble. Her husband made a Funerall for her, perhaps because he was glad he was rid of her, but we will leave that to be manifest at Judgment.

Atten. This Woman died well: And now we are talking of the dying of Christians, I will tell you a story of one that died some time since in our Town. The man was a godly old Puritan, for so the godly were called in time past. This man after a long, and godly life, fell sick, of the sickness, whereof he died. And as he lay