Life of St Teresa of Jesus by Teresa of Avila (e ink epub reader TXT) 📕

12. The mind is now so inured to the comprehension of that which

is truth indeed, that everything else seems to it to be but

child’s play. It laughs to itself, at times, when it sees grave

men—men given to prayer, men of religion—make much of points of

honour, which itself is trampling beneath its feet. They say

that discretion, and the dignity of their callings, require it of

them as a means to do more good; but that soul knows perfectly

well that they would do more good in one day by preferring the

love of God to this their dignity, than they will do in ten years

by considering it.

13. The life of this soul is a life of trouble: the cross is

always there, but the progress it makes is great. When those who

have to do with it think it has arrived at the summit of

perfection, within a little while they see it much more advanced;

for God is ever giving it grace upon grace. God is the soul of

that soul now; it is He who has the charge of it; and so He

enlightens it; for He seems to be watching over it, always

attentive to it, that it may not offend Him,—giving it grace,

and stirring it up in His service. When my soul reached this

state, in which God showed me mercy so great, my wretchedness

came to an end, and our Lord gave me strength to rise above it.

The former occasions of sin, as well as the persons with whom I

was accustomed to distract myself, did me no more harm than if

they had never existed; on the contrary, that which ordinarily

did me harm, helped me on. Everything contributed to make me

know God more, and to love Him; to make me see how much I owed

Him, as well as to be sorry for being what I had been.

14. I saw clearly that this did not come from myself, that I had

not brought it about by any efforts of my own, and that there was

not time enough for it. His Majesty, of His mere goodness, had

given me strength for it. From the time our Lord began to give

me the grace of raptures, until now, this strength has gone on

increasing. He, of His goodness, hath held me by the hand, that

I might not go back. I do not think that I am doing anything

myself—certainly I do not; for I see distinctly that all this is

the work of our Lord. For this reason, it seems to me that the

soul in which our Lord worketh these graces,—if it walks in

humility and fear, always acknowledging the work of our Lord, and

that we ourselves can do, as it were, nothing,—may be thrown

among any companions, and, however distracted and wicked these

may be, will neither be hurt nor disturbed in any way; on the

contrary, as I have just said, that will help it on, and be a

means unto it whereby it may derive much greater profit.

15. Those souls are strong which are chosen by our Lord to do

good to others; still, this their strength is not their own.

When our Lord brings a soul on to this state, He communicates to

it of His greatest secrets by degrees. True revelations—the

great gifts and visions—come by ecstasies, all tending to make

the soul humble and strong, to make it despise the things of this

world, and have a clearer knowledge of the greatness of the

reward which our Lord has prepared for those who serve Him. [10]

16. May it please His Majesty that the great munificence with

which He hath dealt with me, miserable sinner that I am, may have

some weight with those who shall read this, so that they may be

strong and courageous enough to give up everything utterly for

God. If His Majesty repays us so abundantly, that even in this

life the reward and gain of those who serve Him become visible,

what will it be in the next?

1. Ch. xx. § 30.

2. Ch. xx. § 34.

3. Exod. xxiii. 15: “Non apparebis in conspectu meo vacuus.”

4. Apoc. ii. 23: “Dabo unicuique vestrum secundum opera sua.”

5. See ch. xxxii. § 1.

6. “Farsa de esta vida tan mal concertada.”

7. Inner Fortress, iv. ch. i. § 11.

8. Rom. vii. 24: “Quis me liberabit de corpore mortis hujus?”

9. Ch. xvi. § 7.

10. 1 Cor. ii. 9: “Quæ præparavit Deus his qui diligunt Illum.”

Chapter XXII.

The Security of Contemplatives Lies in Their Not Ascending to

High Things if Our Lord Does Not Raise Them. The Sacred Humanity

Must Be the Road to the Highest Contemplation. A Delusion in

Which the Saint Was Once Entangled.

1. There is one thing I should like to say—I think it important:

and if you, my father, approve, it will serve for a lesson that

possibly may be necessary; for in some books on prayer the

writers say that the soul, though it cannot in its own strength

attain to this state,—because it is altogether a supernatural

work wrought in it by our Lord,—may nevertheless succeed, by

lifting up the spirit above all created things, and raising it

upwards in humility, after some years spent in a purgative life,

and advancing in the illuminative. I do not very well know what

they mean by illuminative: I understand it to mean the life of

those who are making progress. And they advise us much to

withdraw from all bodily imagination, and draw near to the

contemplation of the Divinity; for they say that those who have

advanced so far would be embarrassed or hindered in their way to

the highest contemplation, if they regarded even the Sacred

Humanity itself. [1] They defend their opinion [2] by bringing

forward the words [3] of our Lord to the Apostles, concerning the

coming of the Holy Ghost; I mean that Coming which was after the

Ascension. If the Apostles had believed, as they believed after

the Coming of the Holy Ghost, that He is both God and Man, His

bodily Presence would, in my opinion, have been no hindrance; for

those words were not said to the Mother of God, though she loved

Him more than all. [4] They think that, as this work of

contemplation is wholly spiritual, any bodily object whatever can

disturb or hinder it. They say that the contemplative should

regard himself as being within a definite space, God everywhere

around, and himself absorbed in Him. This is what we should

aim at.

2. This seems to me right enough now and then; but to withdraw

altogether from Christ, and to compare His divine Body with our

miseries or with any created thing whatever, is what I cannot

endure. May God help me to explain myself! I am not

contradicting them on this point, for they are learned and

spiritual persons, understanding what they say: God, too, is

guiding souls by many ways and methods, as He has guided mine.

It is of my own soul that I wish to speak now,—I do not

intermeddle with others,—and of the danger I was in because I

would comply with the directions I was reading. I can well

believe that he who has attained to union, and advances no

further,—that is, to raptures, visions, and other graces of God

given to souls,—will consider that opinion to be best, as I did

myself: and if I had continued in it, I believe I should never

have reached the state I am in now. I hold it to be a delusion:

still, it may be that it is I who am deluded. But I will tell

you what happened to me.

3. As I had no director, I used to read these books, where, by

little and little, I thought I might understand something.

I found out afterwards that, if our Lord had not shown me the

way, I should have learned but little from books; for I

understood really nothing till His Majesty made me learn by

experience: neither did I know what I was doing. So, in the

beginning, when I attained to some degree of supernatural

prayer,—I speak of the prayer of quiet,—I laboured to remove

from myself every thought of bodily objects; but I did not dare

to lift up my soul, for that I saw would be presumption in me,

who was always so wicked. I thought, however, that I had a sense

of the presence of God: this was true, and I contrived to be in a

state of recollection before Him. This method of prayer is full

of sweetness, if God helps us in it, and the joy of it is great.

And so, because I was conscious of the profit and delight which

this way furnished me, no one could have brought me back to the

contemplation of the Sacred Humanity; for that seemed to me to be

a real hindrance to prayer.

4. O Lord of my soul, and my Good! Jesus Christ crucified!

I never think of this opinion, which I then held, without pain; I

believe it was an act of high treason, though done in ignorance.

Hitherto, I had been all my life long so devout to the Sacred

Humanity—for this happened but lately; I mean by lately, that it

was before our Lord gave me the grace of raptures and visions.

I did not continue long of this opinion, [5] and so I returned to

my habit of delighting in our Lord, particularly at Communion.

I wish I could have His picture and image always before my eyes,

since I cannot have Him graven in my soul as deeply as I wish.

5. Is it possible, O my Lord, that I could have had the thought,

if only for an hour, that Thou couldst be a hindrance to my

greatest good? Whence are all my blessings? are they not from

Thee? I will not think that I was blamable, for I was very sorry

for it, and it was certainly done in ignorance. And so it

pleased Thee, in Thy goodness, to succour me, by sending me one

who has delivered me from this delusion; and afterwards by

showing Thyself to me so many times, as I shall relate

hereafter, [6] that I might clearly perceive how great my

delusion was, and also tell it to many persons; which I have

done, as well as describe it as I am doing now. I believe myself

that this is the reason why so many souls, after advancing to the

prayer of union, make no further progress, and do not attain to

very great liberty of spirit.

6. It seems to me, that there are two considerations on which I

may ground this opinion. Perhaps I am saying nothing to the

purpose, yet what I say is the result of experience; for my soul

was in a very evil plight, till our Lord enlightened it: all its

joys were but sips; and when it had come forth therefrom, it

never found itself in that company which afterwards it had in

trials and temptations.

7. The first consideration is this: there is a little absence of

humility—so secret and so hidden, that we do not observe it.

Who is there so proud and wretched as I, that, even after

labouring all his life in penances and prayers and persecutions,

can possibly imagine himself not to be exceedingly rich, most

abundantly rewarded, when our Lord permits him to stand with

St. John at the foot of the cross? I know not into whose head