Life of St Teresa of Jesus by Teresa of Avila (e ink epub reader TXT) 📕

could have entered to be not satisfied with this, unless it be

mine, which has gone wrong in every way where it should have gone

right onwards.

8. Then, if our constitution—or perhaps sickness—will not

permit us always to think of His Passion, because it is so

painful, who is to hinder us from thinking of Him risen from the

grave, seeing that we have Him so near us in the Sacrament, where

he is glorified, and where we shall not see Him in His great

weariness—scourged, streaming with blood, faint by the way,

persecuted by those to whom He had done good, and not believed in

by the Apostles? Certainly it is not always that one can bear to

meditate on sufferings so great as were those He underwent.

Behold Him here, before His ascension into heaven, without pain,

all-glorious, giving strength to some and courage to others.

In the most Holy Sacrament, He is our companion, as if it was not

in His power to withdraw Himself for a moment from us. And yet

it was in my power to withdraw from Thee, O my Lord, that I might

serve Thee better! It may be that I knew Thee not when I sinned

against Thee; but how could I, having once known Thee, ever think

I should gain more in this way? O Lord, what an evil way I took!

and I was going out of the way, if Thou hadst not brought me back

to it. When I see Thee near me, I see all good things together.

No trial befalls me that is not easy to bear, when I think of

Thee standing before those who judged Thee.

9. With so good a Friend and Captain ever present, Himself the

first to suffer, everything can be borne. He helps, He

strengthens, He never fails, He is the true Friend. I see

clearly, and since then have always seen, that if we are to

please God, and if He is to give us His great graces, everything

must pass through the hands of His most Sacred Humanity, in whom

His Majesty said that He is well pleased. [7] I know this by

repeated experience: our Lord has told it me. I have seen

clearly that this is the door [8] by which we are to enter, if we

would have His supreme Majesty reveal to us His great secrets.

10. So, then, I would have your reverence seek no other way, even

if you were arrived at the highest contemplation. This way is

safe. Our Lord is He by whom all good things come to us; He will

teach you. Consider His life; that is the best example. What

more can we want than so good a Friend at our side, who will not

forsake us when we are in trouble and distress, as they do who

belong to this world! Blessed is he who truly loves Him, and who

always has Him near him! Let us consider the glorious St. Paul,

who seems as if Jesus was never absent from his lips, as if he

had Him deep down in his heart. After I had heard this of some

great Saints given to contemplation, I considered the matter

carefully; and I see that they walked in no other way.

St. Francis with the stigmata proves it, St. Antony of Padua with

the Infant Jesus; St. Bernard rejoiced in the Sacred Humanity; so

did St. Catherine of Siena, and many others, as your reverence

knows better than I do.

11. This withdrawing from bodily objects must no doubt be good,

seeing that it is recommended by persons who are so spiritual;

but, in my opinion, it ought to be done only when the soul has

made very great progress; for until then it is clear that the

Creator must be sought for through His creatures. All this

depends on the grace which our Lord distributes to every soul.

I do not intermeddle here. What I would say is, that the most

Sacred Humanity of Christ is not to be counted among the objects

from which we have to withdraw. Let this be clearly understood.

I wish I knew how to explain it. [9]

12. When God suspends all the powers of the soul,—as we see He

does in the states of prayer already described,—it is clear

that, whether we wish it or not, this presence is withdrawn.

Be it so, then. The loss is a blessed one, because it takes

place in order that we may have a deeper fruition of what we seem

to have lost; for at that moment the whole soul is occupied in

loving Him whom the understanding has toiled to know; and it

loves what it has not comprehended, and rejoices in what it could

not have rejoiced in so well, if it had not lost itself, in

order, as I am saying, to gain itself the more. But that we

should carefully and laboriously accustom ourselves not to strive

with all our might to have always—and please God it be

always!—the most Sacred Humanity before our eyes,—this, I say,

is what seems to me not to be right: it is making the soul, as

they say, to walk in the air; for it has nothing to rest on, how

full soever of God it may think itself to be.

13. It is a great matter for us to have our Lord before us as Man

while we are living and in the flesh. This is that other

inconvenience which I say must be met with. The first—I have

already begun to describe it—is a little failure in humility, in

that the soul desires to rise of itself before our Lord raises

it, and is not satisfied with meditation on so excellent a

subject,—seeking to be Mary before it has laboured with Martha.

If our Lord will have a soul to be Mary, even on the first day,

there is nothing to be afraid of; but we must not be self-invited

guests, as I think I said on another occasion. [10] This little

mote of want of humility, though in appearance a mere nothing,

does a great deal of harm to those who wish to advance

in contemplation.

14. I now come back to the second consideration. We are not

angels, for we have a body; to seek to make ourselves angels

while we are on the earth, and so much on the earth as I was, is

an act of folly. In general, our thoughts must have something to

rest on, though the soul may go forth out of itself now and then,

or it may be very often so full of God as to be in need of no

created thing by the help of which it may recollect itself.

But this is not so common a case; for when we have many things to

do, when we are persecuted and in trouble, when we cannot have

much rest, and when we have our seasons of dryness, Christ is our

best Friend; for we regard Him as Man, and behold Him faint and

in trouble, and He is our Companion; and when we shall have

accustomed ourselves in this way, it is very easy to find Him

near us, although there will be occasions from time to time when

we can do neither the one nor the other.

15. For this end, that is useful which I spoke of before: [11] we

must not show ourselves as labouring after spiritual

consolations; come what may, to embrace the cross is the great

thing. The Lord of all consolation was Himself forsaken: they

left Him alone in His sorrows. Do not let us forsake Him; for

His hand will help us to rise more than any efforts we can make;

and He will withdraw Himself when He sees it be expedient for us,

and when He pleaseth will also draw the soul forth out of itself,

as I said before. [12]

16. God is greatly pleased when He beholds a soul in its humility

making His Son a Mediator between itself and Him, and yet loving

Him so much as to confess its own unworthiness, even when He

would raise it up to the highest contemplation, and saying with

St. Peter: [13] “Go Thou away from me, O Lord, for I am a sinful

man.” I know this by experience: it was thus that God directed

my soul. Others may walk, as I said before, [14] by another and

a shorter road. What I have understood of the matter is this:

that the whole foundation of prayer must be laid in humility, and

that the more a soul humbles itself in prayer, the more God lifts

it up. I do not remember that He ever showed me any of those

marvellous mercies, of which I shall speak hereafter, [15] at any

other time than when I was as one brought to nothing, [16] by

seeing how wicked I was. Moreover, His Majesty contrived to make

me understand matters that helped me to know myself, but which I

could never have even imagined of myself.

17. I believe myself that if a soul makes any efforts of its own

to further itself in the way of the prayer of union, and though

it may seem to make immediate progress, it will quickly fall

back, because the foundations were not duly laid. I fear, too,

that such a soul will never attain to true poverty of spirit,

which consists in seeking consolation or sweetness, not in

prayer,—the consolations of the earth are already

abandoned,—but rather in sorrows, for the love of Him who always

lived in sorrows Himself; [17] and in being calm in the midst of

sorrows and aridities. Though the soul may feel it in some

measure, there is no disquiet, nor any of that pain which some

persons suffer, who, if they are not always labouring with the

understanding and with a sense of devotion, think everything

lost,—as if their efforts merited so great a blessing!

18. I am not saying that men should not seek to be devout, nor

that they should not stand with great reverence in the presence

of God, but only that they are not to vex themselves if they

cannot find even one good thought, as I said in another

place; [18] for we are unprofitable servants. [19] What do we

think we can do? Our Lord grant that we understand this, and

that we may be those little asses who drive the windlass I spoke

of: [20] these, though their eyes are bandaged, and they do not

understand what they are doing, yet draw up more water than the

gardener can draw with all his efforts. We must walk in liberty

on this road, committing ourselves into the hands of God. If it

be His Majesty’s good pleasure to raise us and place us among His

chamberlains and secret councillors, we must go willingly; if

not, we must serve Him in the lower offices of His house, and not

sit down on the upper seats. [21] As I have sometimes said, [22]

God is more careful of us than we are ourselves, and knows what

each one of us is fit for.

19. What use is there in governing oneself by oneself, when the

whole will has been given up to God? I think this less endurable

now than in the first state of prayer, and it does much greater

harm; for these blessings are supernatural. If a man has a bad

voice, let him force himself ever so much to sing, he will never

improve it; but if God gives him a good