Life of St Teresa of Jesus by Teresa of Avila (e ink epub reader TXT) 📕

try it twice. Let us, then, pray Him always to show His mercy

upon us, with a submissive spirit, yet trusting in the goodness

of God. And now that the soul is permitted to sit at the feet of

Christ, let it contrive not to quit its place, but keep it

anyhow. Let it follow the example of the Magdalene; and when it

shall be strong enough, God will lead it into

the wilderness. [23]

20. You, then, my father, must be content with this until you

meet with some one of more experience and better knowledge than I

am. If you see people who are beginning to taste of God, do not

trust them if they think that they advance more, and have a

deeper fruition of God, when they make efforts of their own.

Oh, when God wills it, how He discovers Himself without these

little efforts of ours! We may do what we like, but He throws

the spirit into a trance as easily as a giant takes up a straw;

no resistance is possible. What a thing to believe, that God

will wait till the toad shall fly of itself, when He has already

willed it should do so! Well, it seems to me still more

difficult and hard for our spirit to rise upwards, if God does

not raise it, seeing that it is burdened with earth, and hindered

in a thousand ways. Its willingness to rise is of no service to

it; for, though an aptness for flying be more natural to it than

to a toad, yet is it so sunk in the mire as to have lost it by

its own fault.

21. I come, then, to this conclusion: whenever we think of

Christ, we should remind ourselves of the love that made Him

bestow so many graces upon us, and also how great that love is

which our Lord God has shown us, in giving us such a pledge of

the love He bears us; for love draws forth love. And though we

are only at the very beginning, and exceedingly wicked, yet let

us always labour to keep this in view, and stir ourselves up to

love; for if once our Lord grants us this grace, of having this

love imprinted in our hearts, everything will be easy, and we

shall do great things in a very short time, and with very little

labour. May His Majesty give us that love,—He knows the great

need we have of it,—for the sake of that love which He bore us,

and of His glorious Son, to whom it cost so much to make it known

to us! Amen.

22. There is one thing I should like to ask you, my father.

How is it that, when our Lord begins to bestow upon a soul a

grace so great as this of perfect contemplation, it is not, as it

ought to be, perfect at once? Certainly, it seems it should be

so; for he who receives a grace so great ought never more to seek

consolations on earth. How is it, I ask, that a soul which has

ecstasies and so far is more accustomed to receive graces, should

yet seem to bring forth fruits still higher and higher,—and the

more so, the more it is detached,—when our Lord might have

sanctified it at once, the moment He came near it? How is it, I

ask again, that the same Lord brings it to the perfection of

virtue only in the course of time? I should be glad to learn the

reason, for I know it not. I do know, however, that in the

beginning, when a trance lasts only the twinkling of an eye, and

is almost imperceptible but for the effects it produces, the

degree of strength which God then gives is very different from

that which He gives when this grace is a trance of

longer duration.

23. Very often, when thinking of this, have I imagined the reason

might be, that the soul does not despise itself all at once, till

our Lord instructs it by degrees, and makes it resolute, and

gives it the strength of manhood, so that it may trample utterly

upon everything. He gave this strength to the Magdalene in a

moment. He gives the same grace to others, according to the

measure of their abandonment of themselves into the hands of His

Majesty, that He may do with them as He will. We never thoroughly

believe that God rewards a hundredfold even in this life. [24]

24. I also thought of this comparison: supposing grace given to

those who are far advanced to be the same with that given to

those who are but beginners, we may then liken it to a certain

food of which many persons partake: they who eat a little retain

the savour of it for a moment, they who eat more are nourished by

it, but those who eat much receive life and strength. Now, the

soul may eat so frequently and so abundantly of this food of life

as to have no pleasure in eating any other food, because it sees

how much good it derives from it. Its taste is now so formed

upon it, that it would rather not live than have to eat any other

food; for all food but this has no other effect than to take away

the sweet savour which this good food leaves behind.

25. Further, the conversation of good people does not profit us

in one day as much as it does in many; and we may converse with

them long enough to become like them, by the grace of God.

In short, the whole matter is as His Majesty wills. He gives His

grace to whom He pleases; but much depends on this: he who begins

to receive this grace must make a firm resolution to detach

himself from all things, and esteem this grace according

to reason.

26. It seems also to me as if His Majesty were going about to try

those who love Him,—now one, now another,—revealing Himself in

supreme joy, so as to quicken our belief, if it should be dead,

in what He will give us, saying, Behold! this is but a drop of

the immense sea of blessings; for He leaves nothing undone for

those He loves; and as He sees them receive it, so He gives, and

He gives Himself. He loves those who love Him. Oh, how dear He

is!—how good a Friend! O my soul’s Lord, who can find words to

describe what Thou givest to those who trust in Thee, and what

they lose who come to this state, and yet dwell in themselves!

Oh, let not this be so, O my Lord! for Thou doest more than this

when Thou comest to a lodging so mean as mine. Blessed be Thou

for ever and ever!

27. I now humbly ask you, my father, if you mean to discuss what

I have written on prayer with spiritual persons, to see that they

are so really; for if they be persons who know only one way, or

who have stood still midway, they will not be able to understand

the matter. There are also some whom God leads at once by the

highest way; these think that others might advance in the same

manner—quiet the understanding, and make bodily objects none of

their means; but these people will remain dry as a stick.

Others, also, there are who, having for a moment attained to the

prayer of quiet, think forthwith that, as they have had the one,

so they may have the other. These instead of advancing, go back,

as I said before. [25] So, throughout, experience and discretion

are necessary. May our Lord, of His goodness, bestow them on us!

1. See Inner Fortress, vi. 7, § 4.

2. This opinion is supposed to be justified by the words of

St. Thomas, 3 Sent. dist. 22, qu. 3, art. 1, ad quintum.

“Corporalis præsentia Christi in duobus poterat esse nociva.

Primo, quantum ad fidem, quia videntes Eum in forma in qua erat

minor Patre, non ita de facili crederent Eum æqualem Patri, ut

dicit glossa super Joannem. Secundo, quantum ad dilectionem,

quia Eum non solum spiritualiter, sed etiam carnaliter

diligeremus, conversantes cum Ipso corporaliter, et hoc est de

imperfectione dilectionis.”

3. St. John xvi. 7: “Expedit vobis ut Ego vadam; si enim non

abiero, Paracletus non veniet ad vos.”

4. This sentence is in the margin of the original MS., not in the

text, but in the handwriting of the Saint (De la Fuente).

5. “I mean by lately . . . and visions” is in the margin of the

MS., but in the handwriting of the Saint (De la Fuente).

6. Ch. xxviii. § 4.

7. St. Matt. iii. 17: “Hic est Filius Meus dilectus, in quo

Mihi complacui.”

8. St. John x. 7, 9: “Ego sum ostium.”

9. See St. John of the Cross, Mount Carmel,

bk. iii. ch. i. p. 212.

10. Ch. xii. §§ 5, 7.

11. Ch. xv. § 21.

12. Ch. xx. § 2.

13. St. Luke v. 8: “Exi a me, quia homo peccator sum, Domine.”

14. Ch. xii. § 6.

15. Ch. xxviii.

16. Psalm lxxii. 22: “Et ego ad nihilum redactus sum,

et nescivi.”

17. Isaias liii. 3: “Virum dolorum, et scientem infirmitatem.”

18. Ch. xi. § 15.

19. St. Luke xvii. 10: “Servi inutiles sumus.”

20. Ch. xi. § 11.

21. St. Luke xiv. 8: “Non discumbas in primo loco.” See Way of

Perfection, ch. xxvi. § 1; but ch. xvii. of the old editions.

22. Ch. xi. § 23, ch. xviii. § 6.

23. Os. ii. 14: “Ducam eam in solitudinem.”

24. St. Matt. xix. 29: “Qui reliquerit domum, . . .

centuplum accipiet.”

25. Ch. xii. § 5.

Chapter XXIII.

The Saint Resumes the History of Her Life. Aiming at Perfection.

Means Whereby It May Be Gained. Instructions for Confessors.

1. I shall now return to that point in my life where I broke

off, [1] having made, I believe, a longer digression than I need

have made, in order that what is still to come may be more

clearly understood. Henceforth, it is another and a new book,—I

mean, another and a new life. Hitherto, my life was my own; my

life, since I began to explain these methods of prayer, is the

life which God lived in me,—so it seems to me; for I feel it to

be impossible that I should have escaped in so short a time from

ways and works that were so wicked. May our Lord be praised, who

has delivered me from myself!

2. When, then, I began to avoid the occasions of sin, and to give

myself more unto prayer, our Lord also began to bestow His graces

upon me, as one who desired, so it seemed, that I too should be

willing to receive them. His Majesty began to give me most

frequently the grace of the prayer of quiet, and very often that

of union, which lasted some time. But as, in these days, women

have fallen into great delusions and deceits of Satan, [2] I

began to be afraid, because the joy and sweetness which I felt

were so great, and very often beyond my power to avoid. On the

other hand, I felt in myself a very deep conviction that God was

with me, especially when I was in prayer. I saw, too, that I

grew better and stronger thereby.

3. But if I was a little distracted, I began to be afraid, and to

imagine that perhaps