Life of St Teresa of Jesus by Teresa of Avila (e ink epub reader TXT) 📕

3. I should like to explain the delusions which may happen here,

though he who has had much experience will run little or no risk,

I think; but the experience must be great. I should like to

explain also how those locutions which come from the Good Spirit

differ from those which come from an evil spirit; and, further,

how they may be but an apprehension of the understanding,—for

that is possible,—or even words which the mind addressed to

itself. I do not know if it be so but even this very day I

thought it possible. I know by experience in many ways, when

these locutions come from God. I have been told things two or

three years beforehand, which have all come to pass; and in none

of them have I been hitherto deceived. There are also other

things in which the Spirit of God may be clearly traced, as I

shall relate by and by. [3]

4. It seems to me that a person commending a matter to God with

great love and earnestness may think that he hears in some way or

other whether his prayer will be granted or not, and this is

quite possible; but he who has heard the divine locution will see

clearly enough what this is, because there is a great difference

between the two. If it be anything which the understanding has

fashioned, however cunningly it may have done so, he sees that it

is the understanding which has arranged that locution, and that

it is speaking of itself. This is nothing else but a word

uttered by one, and listened to by another: in that case, the

understanding will see that it has not been listening only, but

also forming the words; and the words it forms are something

indistinct, fantastic, and not clear like the divine locutions.

It is in our power to turn away our attention from these

locutions of our own, just as we can be silent when we are

speaking; but, with respect to the former, that cannot be done.

5. There is another test more decisive still. The words formed

by the understanding effect nothing; but, when our Lord speaks,

it is at once word and work; and though the words may not be

meant to stir up our devotion, but are rather words of reproof,

they dispose a soul at once, strengthen it, make it tender, give

it light, console and calm it; and if it should be in dryness, or

in trouble and uneasiness, all is removed, as if by the action of

a hand, and even better; for it seems as if our Lord would have

the soul understand that He is all-powerful, and that His words

are deeds.

6. It seems to me that there is as much difference between these

two locutions as there is between speaking and listening, neither

more nor less; for when I speak, as I have just said, [4] I go on

with my understanding arranging what I am saying; but if I am

spoken to by others, I do nothing else but listen, without any

labour. The human locution is as something which we cannot well

make out, as if we were half asleep; but the divine locution is a

voice so clear that not a syllable of its utterance is lost.

It may occur, too, when the understanding and the soul are so

troubled and distracted that they cannot form one sentence

correctly; and yet grand sentences, perfectly arranged, such as

the soul in its most recollected state never could have formed,

are uttered, and at the first word, as I said, [5] change it

utterly. Still less could it have formed them if they are

uttered in an ecstasy, when the faculties of the soul are

suspended; for how should the soul then comprehend anything, when

it remembers nothing?—yea, rather, how can it remember them

then, when the memory can hardly do anything at all, and the

imagination is, as it were, suspended?

7. But it is to be observed, that if we see visions and hear

words it never is as at the time when the soul is in union in the

very rapture itself,—so it seems to me. At that moment, as I

have shown,—I think it was when I was speaking of the second

water, [6]—all the faculties of the soul are suspended; and, as

I think, neither vision, nor understanding, nor hearing, is

possible at that time. The soul is then wholly in the power of

another; and in that instant—a very brief one, in my

opinion—our Lord leaves it free for nothing whatever; but when

this instant is passed, the soul continuing still entranced, then

is the time of which I am speaking; for the faculties, though not

completely suspended, are so disposed that they are scarcely

active, being, as it were, absorbed, and incapable of making

any reflections.

8. There are so many ways of ascertaining the nature of these

locutions, that if a person be once deceived, he will not be

deceived often. I mean, that a soul accustomed to them, and on

its guard, will most clearly see what they are; for, setting

other considerations aside which prove what I have said, the

human locution produces no effect, neither does the soul accept

it,—though it must admit the other, whether we like it or

not,—nor does it believe it; on the contrary, it is known to be

a delusion of the understanding, and is therefore put away as we

would put away the ravings of a lunatic.

9. But as to the divine locution, we listen to that as we do to a

person of great holiness, learning, or authority, whom we know to

be incapable of uttering a falsehood. And yet this is an

inadequate illustration; for these locutions proceed occasionally

in such great majesty that, without our recollecting who it is

that utters them, they make us tremble if they be words of

reproof, and die of love if words of love. They are also, as I

have said, [7] matters of which the memory has not the least

recollection; and expressions so full are uttered so rapidly,

that much time must have been spent in arranging them, if we

formed them ourselves; and so it seems to me that we cannot

possibly be ignorant at the time that we have never formed them

ourselves at all.

10. There is no reason, therefore, why I should dwell longer on

this matter. It is a wonder to me that any experienced person,

unless he deliberately chooses to do so, can fall into delusions.

It has often happened to me, when I had doubts, to distrust what

I had heard, and to think that it was all imagination,—but this

I did afterwards: for at the moment that is impossible,—and at a

later time to see the whole fulfilled; for our Lord makes the

words dwell in the memory so that they cannot be forgotten.

Now, that which comes forth from our understanding is, as it

were, the first movement of thought, which passes away and is

forgotten; but the divine locution is a work done; and though

some of it may be forgotten, and time have lapsed, yet is not so

wholly forgotten that the memory loses all traces of what was

once spoken,—unless, indeed, after very long time, or unless the

locution were words of grace or of instruction. But as to

prophetic words, they are never forgotten, in my opinion; at

least, I have never forgotten any,—and yet my memory is weak.

11. I repeat it, unless a soul be so wicked as to pretend that it

has these locutions, which would be a great sin, and say that it

hears divine words when it hears nothing of the kind, it cannot

possibly fail to see clearly that itself arranges the words, and

utters them to itself. That seems to me altogether impossible

for any soul that has ever known the Spirit of God. If it has

not, it may continue all its life long in this delusion, and

imagine that it hears and understands, though I know not how that

can be. A soul desires to hear these locutions, or it does not;

if it does not, it is distressed because it hears them, and is

unwilling to listen to them, because of a thousand fears which

they occasion, and for many other reasons it has for being quiet

in prayer without these interruptions. How is it that the

understanding has time enough to arrange these locutions?

They require time.

12. But, on the other side, the divine locutions instruct us

without loss of time, and we understand matters which seem to

require a month on our part to arrange. The understanding

itself, and the soul, stand amazed at some of the things we

understand. So it is; and he who has any experience of it will

see that what I am saying is literally true. I give God thanks

that I have been able thus to explain it. I end by saying that,

in my opinion, we may hear the locutions that proceed from the

understanding whenever we like, and think that we hear them

whenever we pray. But it is not so with the divine locutions:

for many days I may desire to hear them, and I cannot; and at

other times, even when I would not, as I said before, [8] hear

them, I must. It seems to me that any one disposed to deceive

people by saying that he heard from God that which he has

invented himself, might as easily say that he heard it with his

bodily ears. It is most certainly true that I never imagined

there was any other way of hearing or understanding till I had

proof of it in myself; and so, as I have said before, [9] it gave

me trouble enough.

13. Locutions that come from Satan not only do not leave any good

effects behind, but do leave evil effects. This has happened to

me; but not more than two or three times. Our Lord warned me at

once that they came from Satan. Over and above the great aridity

which remains in the soul after these evil locutions, there is

also a certain disquiet, such as I have had on many other

occasions, when, by our Lord’s permission, I fell into great

temptations and travail of soul in diverse ways; and though I am

in trouble often enough, as I shall show hereafter, [10] yet this

disquiet is such that I know not whence it comes; only the soul

seems to resist, is troubled and distressed, without knowing why;

for the words of Satan are good, and not evil. I am thinking

whether this may not be so because one spirit is conscious of the

presence of another.

14. The sweetness and joy which Satan gives are, in my opinion,

of a very different kind. By means of these sweetnesses he may

deceive any one who does not, or who never did, taste of the

sweetness of God,—by which I mean a certain sweet, strong,

impressive, delightsome, and calm refreshing. Those little,

fervid bursts of tears, and other slight emotions,—for at the

first breath of persecution these flowers wither,—I do not call

devotion, though they are a good beginning, and are holy

impressions; but they are not a test to determine whether these

locutions come from a good or an evil spirit. It is therefore

best for us to proceed always with great caution; for those

persons who have advanced in prayer only so far as this may most

easily fall into delusions, if they have visions or revelations.