Life of St Teresa of Jesus by Teresa of Avila (e ink epub reader TXT) 📕

our eyes: not so much even; for very often there arises a

suspicion that we have imagined things we think we see; but here,

though there may be a suspicion in the first instant, there

remains a certainty so great, that the doubt has no force

whatever. So also is it when God teaches the soul in another

way, and speaks to it without speaking, in the way I

have described.

8. There is so much of heaven in this language, that it cannot

well be understood on earth, though we may desire ever so much to

explain it, if our Lord will not teach it experimentally.

Our Lord impresses in the innermost soul that which He wills that

soul to understand; and He manifests it there without images or

formal words, after the manner of the vision I am speaking of.

Consider well this way in which God works, in order that the soul

may understand what He means—His great truths and mysteries; for

very often what I understand, when our Lord explains to me the

vision, which it is His Majesty’s pleasure to set before me, is

after this manner; and it seems to me that this is a state with

which the devil can least interfere, for these reasons; but if

these reasons are not good, I must be under a delusion. The

vision and the language are matters of such pure spirituality,

that there is no toil of the faculties, or of the senses, out of

which—so seems to me—the devil can derive any advantage.

9. It is only at intervals, and for an instant, that this occurs;

for generally—so I think—the senses are not taken away, and the

faculties are not suspended: they preserve their ordinary state.

It is not always so in contemplation; on the contrary, it is very

rarely so; but when it is so, I say that we do nothing whatever

ourselves: no work of ours is then possible; all that is done is

apparently the work of our Lord. It is as if food had been

received into the stomach which had not first been eaten, and

without our knowing how it entered; but we do know well that it

is there, though we know not its nature, nor who it was that

placed it there. In this vision, I know who placed it; but I do

not know how He did it. I neither saw it, nor felt it; I never

had any inclination to desire it, and I never knew before that

such a thing was possible.

10. In the locutions of which I spoke before, [9] God makes the

understanding attentive, though it may be painful to understand

what is said; then the soul seems to have other ears wherewith it

hears; and He forces it to listen, and will not let it be

distracted. The soul is like a person whose hearing was good,

and who is not suffered to stop his ears, while people standing

close beside him speak to him with a loud voice. He may be

unwilling to hear, yet hear he must. Such a person contributes

something of his own; for he attends to what is said to him; but

here there is nothing of the kind: even that little, which is

nothing more than the bare act of listening, which is granted to

it in the other case, is now out of its power. It finds its food

prepared and eaten; it has nothing more to do but to enjoy it.

It is as if one without ever learning, without taking the pains

even to learn to read, and without studying any subject whatever,

should find himself in possession of all knowledge, not knowing

how or whence it came to him, seeing that he had never taken the

trouble even to learn the alphabet. This last comparison seems

to me to throw some light on this heavenly gift; for the soul

finds itself learned in a moment, and the mystery of the most

Holy Trinity so clearly revealed to it, together with other most

deep doctrines, that there is no theologian in the world with

whom it would hesitate to dispute for the truth of these matters.

11. It is impossible to describe the surprise of the soul when it

finds that one of these graces is enough to change it utterly,

and make it love nothing but Him who, without waiting for

anything itself might do, renders it fit for blessings so high,

communicates to it His secrets, and treats it with so much

affection and love. Some of the graces He bestows are liable to

suspicion because they are so marvellous, and given to one who

has deserved them so little—incredible, too, without a most

lively faith. I intend, therefore, to mention very few of those

graces which our Lord has wrought in me, if I should not be

ordered otherwise; but there are certain visions of which I shall

speak, an account of which may be of some service. In doing so,

I shall either dispel his fears to whom our Lord sends them, and

who, as I used to do, thinks them impossible, or I shall explain

the way or the road by which our Lord has led me; and that is

what I have been commanded to describe.

12. Now, going back to speak of this way of understanding, what

it is seems to me to be this: it is our Lord’s will in every way

that the soul should have some knowledge of what passes in

heaven; and I think that, as the blessed there without speech

understand one another,—I never knew this for certain till our

Lord of His goodness made me see it; He showed it to me in a

trance,—so is it here: God and the soul understand one another,

merely because His Majesty so wills it, without the help of other

means, to express the love there is between them both. In the

same way on earth, two persons of sound sense, if they love each

other much, can even, without any signs, understand one another

only by their looks. It must be so here, though we do not see

how, as these two lovers earnestly regard each the other: the

bridegroom says so to the bride in the Canticle, so I believe,

and I have heard that it is spoken of there. [10]

13. Oh, marvellous goodness of God, in that Thou permittest eyes

which have looked upon so much evil as those of my soul to look

upon Thee! May they never accustom themselves, after looking on

Thee, to look upon vile things again! and may they have pleasure

in nothing but in Thee, O Lord! Oh, ingratitude of men, how far

will it go! I know by experience that what I am saying is true,

and that all we can say is exceedingly little, when we consider

what Thou doest to the soul which Thou hast led to such a state

as this. O souls, you who have begun to pray, and you who

possess the true faith, what can you be in search of even in this

life, let alone that which is for ever, that is comparable to the

least of these graces? Consider, and it is true, that God gives

Himself to those who give up everything for Him. God is not an

accepter of persons. [11] He loves all; there is no excuse for

any one, however wicked he may be, seeing that He hath thus dealt

with me, raising me to the state I am in. Consider, that what I

am saying is not even an iota of what may be said; I say only

that which is necessary to show the kind of the vision and of the

grace which God bestows on the soul; for that cannot be told

which it feels when our Lord admits it to the understanding of

His secrets and of His mighty works. The joy of this is so far

above all conceivable joys, that it may well make us loathe all

the joys of earth; for they are all but dross; and it is an

odious thing to make them enter into the comparison, even if we

might have them for ever. Those which our Lord gives, what are

they? One drop only of the waters of the overflowing river which

He is reserving for us.

14. It is a shame! And, in truth, I am ashamed of myself; if

shame could have a place in heaven, I should certainly be the

most ashamed there. Why do we seek blessings and joys so great,

bliss without end, and all at the cost of our good Jesus?

Shall we not at least weep with the daughters of Jerusalem, [12]

if we do not help to carry his cross with the Cyrenean? [13]

Is it by pleasure and idle amusements that we can attain to the

fruition of what He purchased with so much blood? It is

impossible. Can we think that we can, by preserving our honour,

which is vanity, recompense Him for the sufferings He endured,

that we might reign with Him for ever? This is not the way; we

are going by the wrong road utterly, and we shall never arrive

there. You, my father, must lift up your voice, and utter these

truths aloud, seeing that God has taken from me the power of

doing it. I should like to utter them to myself for ever.

I listened to them myself, and came to the knowledge of God so

late, as will appear by what I have written, that I am ashamed of

myself when I speak of this; and so I should like to be silent.

15. Of one thing, however, I will speak, and I think of it now

and then,—may it be the good pleasure of our Lord to bring me

on, so that I may have the fruition of it!—what will be the

accidental glory and the joy of the blessed who have entered on

it, when they see that, though they were late, yet they left

nothing undone which it was possible for them to do for God, who

kept nothing back they could give Him, and who gave what they

gave in every way they could, according to their strength and

their measure,—they who had more gave more. How rich will he be

who gave up all his riches for Christ! How honourable will he be

who, for His sake, sought no honours whatever, but rather took

pleasure in seeing himself abased! How wise he will be who

rejoiced when men accounted him as mad!—they did so of Wisdom

Itself! [14] How few there are of this kind now, because of our

sins! Now, indeed, they are all gone whom people regarded as

mad, [15] because they saw them perform heroic acts, as true

lovers of Christ.

16. O world, world! how thou art gaining credit because they are

few who know thee! But do we suppose that God is better pleased

when men account us wise and discreet persons? We think

forthwith that there is but little edification given when people

do not go about, every one in his degree, with great gravity, in

a dignified way. Even in the friar, the ecclesiastic, and the

nun, if they wear old and patched garments, we think it a

novelty, and a scandal to the weak; and even if they are very

recollected and given to prayer. Such is the state of the world,

and so forgotten are matters of perfection, and those grand

impetuosities of the Saints. More mischief, I think, is