Life of St Teresa of Jesus by Teresa of Avila (e ink epub reader TXT) 📕

prayer of quiet only will, I believe, detect them by those

results of them which I described when I was speaking of

locutions. [10] They are most easily recognised; and if a soul

consents not to its own delusion, I do not think that Satan will

be able to deceive it, provided it walks in humility and

singleness of heart. He who shall have had the true vision,

coming from God, detects the false visions at once; for, though

they begin with a certain sweetness and joy, the soul rejects

them of itself; and the joy which Satan ministers must be, I

think, very different—it shows no traces of pure and holy love:

Satan very quickly betrays himself.

16. Thus, then, as I believe, Satan can do no harm to anyone who

has had experience of these things; for it is the most impossible

of all impossible things that all this may be the work of the

imagination. There is no ground whatever for the supposition;

for the very beauty and whiteness of one of our Lord’s Hands [11]

are beyond our imagination altogether. How is it that we see

present before us, in a moment, what we do not remember, what we

have never thought of, and, moreover, what, in a long space of

time, the imagination could not compass, because, as I have just

said, [12] it far transcends anything we can comprehend in this

life? This, then, is not possible. Whether we have any power in

the matter or not will appear by what I am now going to say.

17. If the vision were the work of a man’s own

understanding,—setting aside that such a vision would not

accomplish the great results of the true one, nor, indeed, any at

all,—it would be as the act of one who tries to go to sleep, and

yet continues awake, because sleep has not come. He longs for

it, because of some necessity or weakness in his head: and so he

lulls himself to sleep, and makes efforts to procure it, and now

and then thinks he has succeeded; but, if the sleep be not real,

it will not support him, nor supply strength to his head: on the

contrary, his head will very often be the worse for it. So will

it be here, in a measure; the soul will be dissipated, neither

sustained nor strengthened; on the contrary, it will be wearied

and disgusted. But, in the true vision, the riches which abide

in the soul cannot be described; even the body receives health

and comfort.

18. I urged this argument, among others, when they told me that

my visions came from the evil one, and that I imagined them

myself,—and it was very often,—and made use of certain

illustrations, as well as I could, and as our Lord suggested to

me. But all was to little purpose; for as there were most holy

persons in the place,—in comparison with whom I was a mass of

perdition,—whom God did not lead by this way, they were at once

filled with fear; they thought it all came through my sins.

And so my state was talked about, and came to the knowledge of

many; though I had spoken of it to no one, except my confessor,

or to those to whom he commanded [13] me to speak of it.

19. I said to them once, If they who thus speak of my state were

to tell me that a person with whom I had just conversed, and whom

I knew well, was not that person, but that I was deluding myself,

and that they knew it, I should certainly trust them rather than

my own eyes. But if that person left with me certain

jewels,—and if, possessing none previously, I held the jewels in

my hand as pledges of a great love,—and if I were now rich,

instead of poor as before,—I should not be able to believe this

that they said, though I might wish it. These jewels I could now

show them, for all who knew me saw clearly that my soul was

changed,—and so my confessor said; for the difference was very

great in every way—not a pretence, but such as all might most

clearly observe. As I was formerly so wicked, I said, I could

not believe that Satan, if he wished to deceive me and take me

down to hell, would have recourse to means so adverse to his

purpose as this, of rooting out my faults, implanting virtues and

spiritual strength; for I saw clearly that I had become at once

another person through the instrumentality of these visions.

20. My confessor, who was, as I said before, [14] one of the

fathers of the Society of Jesus, and a really holy man, answered

them in the same way,—so I learnt afterwards. He was a most

discreet man, and of great humility; but this great humility of

his brought me into serious trouble: for, though he was a man

much given to prayer, and learned, he never trusted his own

judgment, because our Lord was not leading him by this way.

He had, therefore, much to suffer on my account, in many ways.

I knew they used to say to him that he must be on his guard

against me, lest Satan should delude him through a belief in

anything I might say to him. They gave instances of others who

were deluded. [15] All this distressed me. I began to be afraid

I should find no one to hear my confession, [16] and that all

would avoid me. I did nothing but weep.

21. It was a providence of God that he was willing to stand by me

and hear my confession. But he was so great a servant of God,

that he would have exposed himself to anything for His sake.

So he told me that if I did not offend God, nor swerve from the

instructions he gave me, there was no fear I should be deserted

by him. He encouraged me always, and quieted me. He bade me

never to conceal anything from him; and I never did. [17]

He used to say that, so long as I did this, the devil, if it were

the devil, could not hurt me; on the contrary, out of that evil

which Satan wished to do me, our Lord would bring forth good.

He laboured with all his might to make me perfect. As I was very

much afraid myself, I obeyed him in everything, though

imperfectly. He had much to suffer on my account during three

years of trouble and more, because he heard my confession all

that time; for in the great persecutions that fell upon me, and

the many harsh judgments of me which our Lord permitted,—many of

which I did not deserve,—everything was carried to him, and he

was found fault with because of me,—he being all the while

utterly blameless.

22. If he had not been so holy a man, and if our Lord had not

been with him, it would have, been impossible for him to bear so

much; for he had to answer those who regarded me as one going to

destruction; and they would not believe what he said to them.

On the other hand, he had to quiet me, and relieve me of my

fears; when my fears increased, he had again to reassure me; for,

after every vision which was strange to me, our Lord permitted me

to remain in great fear. All this was the result of my being

then, and of having been, a sinner. He used to console me out of

his great compassion; and, if he had trusted to his own

convictions, I should not have had so much to suffer; for God

revealed the whole truth to him. I believe that he received this

light from the Blessed Sacrament.

23. Those servants of God who were not satisfied had many

conversations with me. [18] As I spoke to them carelessly, so

they misunderstood my meaning in many things. I had a great

regard for one of them; for my soul owed him more than I can

tell. He was a most holy man, and I felt it most acutely when I

saw that he did not understand me. He had a great desire for my

improvement, and hoped our Lord would enlighten me. So, then,

because I spoke, as I was saying, without careful consideration,

they looked upon me as deficient in humility; and when they

detected any of my faults—they might have detected many—they

condemned me at once. They used to put certain questions to me,

which I answered simply and carelessly. Then they concluded

forthwith that I wished to teach them, and that I considered

myself to be a learned woman. All this was carried to my

confessor,—for certainly they desired my amendment—and so he

would reprimand me. This lasted some time, and I was distressed

on many sides; but, with the graces which our Lord gave me, I

bore it all.

24. I relate this in order that people may see what a great trial

it is not to find any one who knows this way of the spirit by

experience. If our Lord had not dealt so favourably with me, I

know not what would have become of me. There were some things

that were enough to take away my reason; and now and then I was

reduced to such straits that I could do nothing but lift up my

eyes to our Lord. [19] The contradiction of good people, which a

wretched woman, weak, wicked, and timid as I am, must bear with,

seems to be nothing when thus described; but I, who in the course

of my life passed through very great trials, found this one of

the heaviest. [20]

25. May our Lord grant that I may have pleased His Majesty a

little herein; for I am sure that they pleased Him who condemned

and rebuked me, and that it was all for my great good.

1. Ch. xxvii. § 3.

2. Philipp. a SS. Trinitate, Theolog. Mystic. par. 2, tr. 3,

disc. iv., art. 8: “Quamvis in principio visiones a dæmone fictæ

aliquam habeant pacem ac dulcedinem, in fine tamen confusionum et

amaritudinem in anima relinquunt; cujus contrarium est in divinis

visionibus, quæ sæpe turbant in principio, sed semper in fine

pacem animæ relinquunt.” St. John of the Cross, Spiritual

Canticle, st. 14, p. 84: “In the spiritual passage from the sleep

of natural ignorance to the wakefulness of the supernatural

understanding, which is the beginning of trance or ecstasy, the

spiritual vision then revealed makes the soul fear and tremble.”

3. See ch. xxix. § 4.

4. “The holy Mother, Teresa of Jesus, had these imaginary visions

for many years, seeing our Lord continually present before her in

great beauty, risen from the dead, with His wounds and the crown

of thorns. She had a picture made of Him, which she gave to me,

and which I gave to Don Fernando de Toledo, Duke of Alva” (Jerome

Gratian, Union del Alma, cap. 5. Madrid, 1616).

5. Anton. a Sp. Sancto, Direct. Mystic. tr. iii. disp. 5, § I,

n. 315: “Visio corporea est infima, visio imaginaria est media,

visio intellectualis est suprema.” N. 322: “Apparitio visibilis,

cum sit omnium infima, est magis exposita illusioni diaboli, nisi

forte huic visioni corporali visio intellectualis adjungatur, ut

in apparitione S. Gabrielis archangeli facta Beatæ Virgini.”

6. See ch. xxx. § 18.

7. Ch. xxv. § 18.

8. Ch. xxx. §§ 9, 10. See St. John of the Cross, Obscure