life by shelby sears (i have read the book a hundred times txt) 📕

Wednesday, ‎July ‎21, ‎2010
how many times a day do you sit there and think to youre self this is my life? well i do allmost every single day i think to my self is this all there is to my life and i belive it is. name is sarah hardey. i was borne the daughter to the preacher daniel hardey and mother daniella hardey. my mother had trouble with concieving me so i had no brothers or sisters to play with to talk to when times got tuff. i had a best friend but evean she didnt know what happend in my house at night when the lights went out. thats when i really dreaded being home. i dont think my mother knew of what my father was doing but if she did i would hate her as much as i hate him. you see no one thinks a preacher will do these sort of things to a child but you also have to realize its sometimes the preacher you have to watch.
tomorrow is my 17th birthday and i cant wait cause than i have only oe more year left to dread this turture. i hide a knife under my bed but i think he knows its there cause latley he will attack me in the bathroom while im in the shower.ive learned its not sae to fite back cause he threatens to kill me if i have ever told a living soul of what he does to me.
it's summer time so i barley get to see my best friend sammy wich really sucks cause her and her family go on a trip every summer all over the place im always invited but daddy always comes up with a reason i cant go. but i know the real reason i cant go. i really wanna tell momma but than im scared she will yell at me 4 what has happened i love momma so so much but if she new of what he was doing to me i would never forgive her.
i wake up early the day of my birthday and leave the house headed to the libary to see my grandma she is the head libarian. she is always asking me if something is going on at home but i allways tell her the same story no gram nothing ya need to worry bout. gram has been there as long as i can remember she been there threw every life change and ever sd and happy moment. gram is only 41 but she is still my gram.
hay gram i say as i enter the libary hay birthday girl she says and wraps me in a bare hug. good baby stop growing on me. cant promise that gram i smile. what hapend to your face sweet. um nothing i fell. the truth he came after me again and hit me so hard i allmost passed out . but he wont knock me out he wants me to know whats happening while he is inside my body. ok sweet. just as i turn around i run into someone oh sorry i say. my bad. sarah you rember matt dont you? hi um matt jackson. matty. wow its been a long time. its sarah hardey. hardeys girl. oh sarah how are ya. im good todays my birthday were um having a party later if ya wanna come. shore i love to. ok its at one at the church. i got to go i have to help my mom set up but um bye. and i left. dont get me wrong i have tried to tell momma but every time i come close daddy cuts in or she is bussy or i chicken out. you see i had to sneak to get birth control im affraid one day something may happen and i know its not 100% effective but it helps in the mean time but wait till his day comes and his day will come.
The party is going grate and daddy is on his best behavior cause there are people around. gram finally shows up and she brout matt with her helping her carry bags and boxes. gram always spoils me on my birthday. hay gram i run into her arms and all most knock her over. oh happy birthday baby. thanks hay gram can i come stay over tonight. please? she must of saw something cause she gave me a look full of sympothy and put her palm on my face acourse you can baby. matt is also staying with me so you to behave. we will gram im goana go tell momma.
i find matt sitting by himself near one of the back benches i grab two cokes and go to sit by him. hear i stick the coke in his face. thanks. can i sit down. um yea go ahead. so um how have yah been? ok i lost my dad and my sister in a car crash a year ago and my mom kinda went bonkers so i came to move in with my gran but she had to go take care of my mom so youre gram took me in 4 a while. im so sorry matt. it's cool i know there in a better place. so what happend we used to talk all the time evean after you moved but than you stoped writing me ? i dont know i figured it was time to leave the past in the past. but evean me? yah squrt evean you. i missed you. i missed you to sarah. i got up to walk away and matt? yeah, under the sercumstances im glad youre back. me to squirt me to. i smiled and walked away i went to go around the back of the building to stay away from daddy but as i rounded the building he grabed me from the back of my neck and pushed me against the building. whos that boy? no one daddy. u wanna be a little slut i show you how there treated. daddy no please. he pushed my shirt up and undid my pants. daddy please, please.
danail my mother yelled he kissed me and told me i was safe for now i buttoned my pants back up and ran as fast as i could to my room to grab my stuff and put it in the back of grams car. we opend presents and had cake and the party was over. i kissed mamma good night and ran to grab gram. ready to go baby girl? yea my stuff is in the car. where she going my dad yelled. to moms my mother said back. love ya momma bye. i ran and got in the car while daddy was talking to a friend of his. matt was allready in the car when i got there.
i called mamma the next day and asked her if it was ok to stay at grams a couple more days she said it was ok with her. i loved mamma she always let me stay with gram and away from daddy.
i was sitting out by the poo; when matt got home. you still hear? he asked with a smile on his face. yea i got go home tomorrow. that sucks squirt. you ah wanna go out tonight? shore love ta. we have talked every night sence i have been hear and i really like him. i mean i liked him before but he moved so the crush went away but now its alot stronger than it was befor and i really think he likes me to. he liked me before he moved last time. he gave me my first and last kiss.
we went to dinner and a drive in movie during the movie he grabbed my hand i snuck a glance and he was looking at me so i smiled at him and he smiled back. after the movie we went for a walk around the old park no one goes to any more. we held hands the whole time. i got up on the balance beam and he pulled me down to him matt i laughed i looked up and him and him down to me we were smiling at each other when he leaned down to kiss me. this kiss made my toes curl. i loved being in matt’s arms if felt so good like nothing could brake us apart. when all a sudden car light's and a horn came blaring straight for us . i recognized the car right away it was my dad. shit i whispered. it's my dad i got to go but um ill see ya soon. bye he whispered. i think he could tell i was scared but didn’t let on. when i got into the car dad didnt say anything to me until we got home. you're mother is not at home so i expect you know your punishment. i got out of the car and tried to run but he got me. daddy no i screamed i tried to brake free but he got my hair and than he punched me in my nose i curled up in the fetal positina while he beat me i thought he would never stop untill he finally did i coughed up blood and layed there crying. he yelled at me and said look what i made him do again he told me to get up and go in the house to get cleaned up before mamma got home. i layed there for a while than finally got my slef up and into my room.
the next day i told mom i was going to grams so i got in the car and just left with out her anwser gram wasnt home but i knew matt would be. i ran up the stairs as fast as i could with out hurtting my ribs anymore i ran into the house and up stairs stright into his room he wasnt inthere but i heard his shower running i didnt care if he was in the shower or not i walked right in and opend the shower curtian sarah he yelled but i didnt care i steped in the shower clothes and all and wrapped my arms around him and cryed. sarah whats wrong? just hold me matt i whispered he did. he didnt say anything, he slowly turned off