life by shelby sears (i have read the book a hundred times txt) 📕

the shower and grabed a towel to wrapp him self up with he than sank down the floor and pulled me back into his arms.
you ready to tell me what that was about matt finaly asked after we were dressed and in his room. no im ok.yea now you are but what was that eairler ? um no not right now but i promise if i need you ill tell you. you promise ?yea i do i smiled he grabed my hads and pulled me down on the bed by him and started to kiss and tickel me. he hit my ribs and i winced what are you ok? yea im fine i pulled him back down to me and started to kiss him he deepened the kiss when gram decided to open the door matt she said oh im sorry. mat and i pulled apart and split apart. um sorry gram said smileing and walked away. i um go t go but ill see yah later.
dads still dad and me and matt have been dating for over 9 months now. I’ve been able to hide the bruses 4 the most part but i think he has a theory about it. we are going out to dinner tonight to celebrate us. i think tonight is the night for us I’ve been thinking about it and i think it’s right. i meat him at grams and from there we head to the resterount. we get threw are meal and are bout to order desert when i lean over and kiss him. what's that for. i um been thinking i tell him. yea thinking bout what? us and um are next step. next step he says than it pops into his head. he has never preshered me into this but he hinted it once or twice but i told him i wasnt ready and he understood that. squirt are you shore? yea i am . i lean over and kiss him again to prove to him i thought long and hard about this night. he pays the bill and we go back to grams house she wont be home for a while tonight because she goes out with her girl friends and go to the slots. we start to kiss and he than swoops me up into his arms and carries me to his room and sits me on the bed. i let him be in control for the most part i took control a couple of times. we lay there in each others arms the sheets tangeled around us. i love you i whisper in his ear and than suck on his earlobe. i love you to. we start to kiss again and do it another round i look up and notice the clock its 2:30 am i have to go my dad is going to be pissed off. i kissed him one more time i new how my dad would behave about this but matt didn't.
When i arrived home all the lights were out. i went thew the back door wich is close to the back stairs closes to my room. i headed up the stairs and went to open my door when my dad came up behind me and pushed me into my room.
you little slut he yelled do you have any idea what time it is. I’m sorry dad it will not happen again your right it won’t you won’t be seeing matt again. oh yea I said and what you going to do about it. I knew not to make him madder but I was really pissed at him. I’ll show you what I’ll do he threw me on the bed and held me down I finally screamed mom should of heard me he held me down with his hips and undid my pants with the other. mom i yelled dad get off me i screamed aghhhhh help me. he slapped me you little bitch he yelled. no one came to my rescue and my dad is a big man I couldn’t get him off me he raped me and there was nothing i could do. when he finished i jumped off the bed and hid under my desk. when he opened the door I saw mom standing there. why didn’t she help me? has she always known bout this?
mom i yelled. I’m so sorry baby. have you known. she didn’t answer me but I didn’t need her to i could tell by the look on her face. you have always known haven’t you. you let him beat me and rape me as long as i can remember and you just let him. I’m so sorry baby i love you so much. no you don’t. how can you love someone and let them go through all this. I grabbed my shirt and ran out of the house. and drove to grams. gram still wasn’t home but matt was still up so I banged on the door until he opened it. I could tell from the look on his face I looked bad. Sarah what happened. My...... my dad raped me. I collapsed into his arms. he took me into the house and sat me on the couch and cleaned me up and changed my clothing.
I told him everything that my dad ever did to me and i told him how my mother new and stood by his side the whole time. he sat there and held her as she cried and told him everything her gram came into the living room. Sarah gram said. gram I’m sorry i never said anything about it. she got up and walked to gram as she stood there shaking. gram fell to the floor taking Sarah with her. gram say something. I’m going to kill him. well if you kill him you need to kill her also, what? Shourly your mother didn’t know of this. she did gram she did. i didn’t think she did but she told me tonight that she new. i think she let him do it to me so he wouldn’t do it to her. Sarah I’m so sorry. no gram. it's ok i should of told yah i’m um going to go take a bath and go to bed i kissed gram on her cheek and walked away.
when i was done taking a bath i didnt wanna be alone and matt must have guessed that cause when i came out of the bathroom there he stood in front of the window looking out into the night, matt i whispered he turned around and i could see the tears in his eyes. hay come hear i whispered i opened my arms wide and he walked into my embraced. he started to cry hay im ok. It’s going to be ok. i know your ok and all but i just wanna kill him. me 2 . he’s a preacher and he's been doing this. how long ? all most my whole life. babe i just god he yelled and walked away. i sat down on my bed and called him over he turned out the light and climbed into bed with me he wraped me in his arms and i had never felt safer.
the next couple of days went by in a blur mom called ever couple of hours and i didnt wanna talk to her if matt talked to her i dont know what he would say and gram has been depressed. me and matt lay there under the blankets holding on to one another. i dont feel so good i got up and ran to the bathroom and puked up food i ate like 5 days ago. you ok he came up behind me and pulled my hair from my face and rubbed my back, yea must be all the stress I’ve been going through. yah ok let’s get yah to bed and then I’ll go get yea a glass of water i still wasn’t feeling good a couple of days later so i went to the doc and he told me it was just the stomach flu. he gave me some antacid and some robatusom. School has been going on for a while now and all most everyone knows about my father. It’s so weird going there and have everyone who knows you talk behind your back. It’s like don’t you have anything else better to do.
The flu I had seemed to have has gone away. We are now out of school for Christmas vacation. Hay squirt matt says flopping on my bed hay. So um your mom keeps calling. Yea well I still don’t want to talk to her. Yea well I don’t blame yah. So um I have a question for yah. What’s that I say looking up from my magazine. Well my mom is still locked up and I haven’t been allowed to go see her but I can for Christmas. But um do you want to come with me when I go to see her? Do you want me to? Yea I don’t think I could unless you were with me. I took his hand than yea ill go. I leaned over and started to kiss him he climbed up and laid over top of me. I love you squirt. I know I smiled up at him. You do huh he started to tickle me. Yes I do I laughed. Make love to me I whispered. Are you shore? We have only made love once and that’s the night my father attacked me. I haven’t felt like it was something I could handle. I looked up at him and smiled. Yea I am I whispered to him. He leaned down and started to kiss me. Matt I whispered yea babe? Just go slow ok. Don’t worry about it I’ll take care of you, you will never have to worry about your safety with me, i know it’s just I have never really been loved before yah know and I just. I understand he whispered to me. That night we made love and it felt so right just me and him no mom or dad there nothing to worry about. That night i slept in his arms and I felt whole I felt at home and most of all I felt loved.