life by shelby sears (i have read the book a hundred times txt) 📕

Over the next few weeks i began to notice a change in my body, like my Brest were bigger and more tender and they hurt with the lightest touch . my stomach was a little bigger and my appetite was becoming so much bigger than it was before. Also I figured my monthly was 5 weeks late. It has never been that late before. May be one or two but never five. I told gram I made a doc appt for a checkup but really it’s to see if I’m pregnant or if I’m just late from all this stress but please god please if I am please let it be matt’s I don’t know what I do if it was my father’s child because than it be my sister/daughter and his daughter/grandchild or son what was I going to do.
Hello Sarah I’m Dr Marts and I understand that were having some monthly problems yes um well you see the thing is ever sense I was old enough to remember my father molested me but recently the same night I count as losing my virginity to my boy friend I was also raped by my father Now i take birth control but I don’t think it has helped and i really do believe I’m pregnant but by who I don’t know. Ok so let me take a look and see what we have here.
Just as I believed I was pregnant. But still had no idea by who. I would have to wait until the baby was born to know by who. Which was my worst fear of all. Matt had gotten a job over the past couple of months so when he came home tonight i wore something i new he couldn’t resists. Hay squirt. Hay come here. Aww squirt you look wonderful but I’m tired babe well than when you get changed will you come talk to me I I need to tell you something. Ok let me hop in the shower and then I’ll come talk. By the time he came into my room i was changed into a old t shirt that went to my hips and was halfway asleep. So squirt what you want to talk to me bout. Hum I whispered . you said you had to talk to me. Oh I whispered I’m pregnant i said and rolled over and fell asleep
When i woke up he was laying on my bed looking at me. Hi he whispered. I smiled so um what you said last night. Yea i was going to tell you better than that but um, so it’s mine. Well you’re the only guy i have been with besides when my dad you know. But it goes back to exactly to the night we were together and then all that mess so um we won’t know exactly who it’s is until the baby is born . and do you want to risk that. But what if it is yours do you want to risk killing are baby. No I would never want to do that but what if? I know how you feel I have been thinking the same thing and if it does happen to be his ill give it up. But if it is yours and mine i want to keep it. Do you want to keep it I asked him. He looked away then back at me and smiled so were having a baby, he smiled at me. It looks that way i smiled back. So do you want to tell your mom matt asked me. No i don’t not yet. But i do want to tell gram if that’s ok yea whatever makes you happy babe.
I didn’t think gram would be mad about the baby. But when I tell her the problem about the father problem that’s when she may flip out. Gram had a bridge game so me and Matt made dinner. So when she walked through the door it was all set.
What’s all this she asked kissing me on top my head. We wanted to make you dinner. Well it looks wonderful. We had a wonderful dinner and had a chocolate cake with vanilla icing. Um gram can we talk to you? I thought something was up. So what’s up you two. Um gram I’m pregnant . oh I see she whispered. But um there’s a problem. And what’s that. She asked covering her eyes. Um I’m 5 weeks and um that goes back to the night dad raped me. So it’s your fathers. Um you see that night before I also lost it to Matt. What? So um there is no telling who the father is until it’s born. And you want to go through this I mean even if it is your father’s. We have been talking and we decided if it is dads I’m goanna give him or her up for adoption. And if it’s matt’s she asked. Um I want to keep it. I see she said. Thank you for dinner I’m going to bed. I didn’t realize I was crying until matt grabbed my hand and squeezed. It will be ok he whispered.
I went up stairs to see if gram really went to bed or if she was avoiding me. I knocked on her door gram I whispered. She was sitting on her rocker looking at my baby pictures. Hay I said sitting by her. Are you ok? Yea she whispered. No i mean are you ok with this? Yes I am I know you will do a great job as a mom. But i really wish it was later on you know? Yea I do gram i really do but it’s what happened. But if i would of new i could of stopped it. I was afraid to tell you. I thought you would be ashamed of me. Ashamed of you, never babe never. I love you gram I snuggled up on her lap and she rubbed my head and sang to me like she always did when i had a nightmare. I woke up in my bed alone that night.
The months are going by so slow but i am now 71/2 months im huge and my mother and father still have no IDEA I’m pregnant. I still won’t speak to my mother. And there is no way in hell ill talk to my dad when i got home from going to the library after school i heard voices i walked in to the kitchen and there sat my mother.
Mom what are you doing hear ? I missed you bunny she turned to look at me and her eyes dropped to my belly. Um I see you have been busy. I grabbed my stomach. Look you got damn bitch i have had it with you. First you let my father rape me cause your afraid he was going to hurt you again so you let him touch me. Second of all this could be your husband’s handy work so why don’t you just get the hell out of this house or better yet I will and I ran I ran as fast as i could without shaking the baby. Sarah I heard matt yell from his truck but I kept going I wasn’t going to stop 4 anyone
I went where i felt more safe than I ever thought I could the old fort in the woods. I sat there holding my belly and crying I couldn’t believe she went there to my house after everything she did to me. I felt arms go around me. Babe I’m so sorry she was there I know you wanted to stay away from her. Matt i want to tell people I want people to know what kind of people they are. I want to press charges and a restraining order. We can do that. But you got to do something for me first he said. What ?????? marry me. Matt i yelled. What he smiled. Were living together and bout to have a baby. Is that the only reason you want to marry me is the baby? No i love you also he smiled again. I love you to yes ill marry you. But what if the baby is? He cut me off with a kiss we will deal with it than. And as far as i see it it is my baby.
The wedding took place a month later. And he looked wonderful she couldn’t believe she was going to be married to this man. Why would he want to marry her and all her baggage.
Sara sat outside under the big oak tree in the back yard she was now 8 ½ months and with only 3 days left to go. She never thought of herself as a mother but she was and it would be faster than she knew it she went to push herself up when her water broke. She couldn’t get herself up the rest of the way and matt was not home she sat there and cried and rubbed her belly saying that she would be all right and daddy would be there soon. By the time matt got home and heard her crying it was close to over he could see the baby’s head and he told her to wait he went and got towels and a knife and nose sucker for the baby he came back and told her this was it and to push. And she did with all her might and at last there son was born. Matt could care less who the father of this baby was but he knew in his heart that this child was his and always would stay that way. Imprint

Publication Date: 08-23-2010

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