PRECARIOUS by Robert F. Clifton (knowledgeable books to read txt) 📕

life. It can reduce aggression and the desire to hurt one’s self or others. It may also help to reduce hallucinations, such as seeing or hearing things that are not there. Molindone is a psychiatric medication that works by helping restore the balance of certain natural substances such as dopamine in the brain. It is usually taken by mouth, without food one to four times a day.”

“The question is, how many is she taking a day and how long has she been taking it?” He thought.

He made a note to have his question answered.

Satisfied that Janet was alright Robert at the same time concerned himself with Barbara. To him she didn’t look well. She continued to lose weight, refusing to eat claiming that she had no appetite. Her doctor prescribed medicine but, she refuse to take the medication. As a result, to Robert she appeared to be shrinking away.

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Over the next two years Robert received constant reports on Janet. She was working in a travel agency in Saint Petersburg.

To Robert it made sense due to the background she had along with the experience of working in Wildwood. The reports also included her mental state viewed by Mildred Parsons. It had been determined that Janet had gone from taking three Molindone to one a day. Robert read the reports then destroyed them. He then wrote the checks, paying for Janet’s security.

Now, assured that Janet was doing well Robert then devoted his time to Barbara.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Ten

Fort Lauderdale

 

Robert Sayer sat at the banquet table that had been placed on a stage. As he did he looked out at the tables where young lawyers of the legal firm, clients, and a few judges sat listening to one of the speakers honoring him. Next to Robert sat his wife, Barbara. The banquet was Roberts retirement dinner. Now, at age seventy one and fighting on coming Parkinson’s Disease it was time for him to step down. He would retire with a handsome pension and dividend’s from shares in the law firm. He would be financially secure. As he sat his mind wandered and he thought back over the years. He saw again the mirror ball in the ceiling the night of the graduation dance at the university."That's where it all began. Janet, my first love. At the time I thought she was my only love. Would both of our lives been different had we stayed together? Who knows? She made me choose, her or the Navy. What else could I have done? I had to go. so I went and when I did she left me, married someone else.

Funny, actually her life went down hill while mine was constantly on the rise. I gained so much, position, money, a loving wife, two wonderful children, both now successful, both who have given me grandchildren.

Unfortunately, for most of my adult life I led the life of an imposter. I traveled in professional and social circles appearing as the dedicated partner of a law firm, the adoring husband and father while most of the time I was a cad, a philanderer. I had extra marital affairs and never enjoyed it. Why? because I was constantly looking for someone to love me. I wanted the type of love that Janet had given me in the beginning of our romance. Then, I lost it. I wanted it back. I wanted to feel that way again. I never have. One question has always been with me ,with Janet was it love, passion or both? I don't know the answer. The only thing I know is that feeling, that special feeling I had with her has never returned with anyone else. It came close with Marie in Hawaii. Close, but not completely.

Now, I sit here tonight, being honored. Honored for what, doing my job? if anyone should be honored it should be Barbara, my wife. She never gave up on me. She stayed with me, honored her wedding vows, "For Better Or Worse". I got the better, she got the worse. She has never really forgiven me for what I have done. I don't expect her to forgive me. She knew about the others, but she never knew about Janet.

Janet, poor, unfortunate, Janet. She left Saint Petersburg and moved to Fort Lauderdale. I still remember the difficulty Jim Hogan had in telling me that there, Janet had committed suicide. Smothers was able in intercede and claim the body. Actually in all truth I was the advocate. I had her body cremated. I offered her ashes to her sons. they refused them. On a cold winter afternoon I scattered them on the beach near the waters edge, in Wildwood. she was gone. It made little difference. She had left me fifty years ago.

She's gone. Jim Hogan's gone. My mother and father are gone. The house they built together in Florida was left to me. I sold it. Now, I understand it is in disrepair. Soon, that will be gone.

All that will be left will be these memories, memories of past loves and mistakes. I'll probably be remembered for my mistakes, as it should be."

Robert returned to reality when he heard his name mentioned and then the applause. He stood on shaking legs and with a trembling hand waved to the crowed and said, "Thank you. Thank you so very much."

The next year Barbara died. Her heart finally gave out and she went peacefully in her sleep. As for Robert the Parkinson’s Disease got worse and it came to the point where he needed constant care and nursing. When it came near the end for him he was visited by his daughter, Henrietta. He looked at her and said, “Why do you look so sad? Don’t be sad or feel sorry for me.

Soon, I’ll be with your mother. Besides everybody goes, sooner or later. I just hope that they let me stay a while with her up there before they kick my old sinner’s ass out.”

Henrietta smiled, “They’ll let you stay. Mom will see to that even though she never really forgot or forgave you.”

“That’s because your mother only made one mistake in her entire life, marrying me. You’re a brilliant woman. If you ever get the chance, read Mythology. When you do you’ll find that even the gods are fallible.

When Harriet was ready to leave she asked, “Dad do you need anything?”

“Yes, turn on the radio. I want to lay hear and listen to music. Maybe it will relax me and I’ll get some sleep. Harriet turned on the radio in the room turned the dial and found a suitable station then left the room.

Robert lay with his eyes open listening. One song ended. Another song began. He listened carefully to the lyrics and as he did he closed his eyes. He saw himself sitting on the beach looking out at an empty ocean. A rainbow appeared. Standing on the arch of the rainbow he saw Janet and then the rainbow disappeared. A bright light replaced it. And then someone was singing, it was a haunting melody and Robert heard”

 

Well, I don’t know why you come here,

but you can’t stay, let’s make that clear

your eyes are closed, but you don’t speak,

is it comfort that you seek?

Maybe we can just pretend

 

Leaves are falling down like rain and I look

to you again, would you come away with me

 

Leaves are falling down like rain, you can

see right through my pain

Like a window to the sea

 

Now you’re standing in the rain

that old feelings back again

but I don’t know you any more

the love I have is from before

 

And, it’s falling

Falling

Falling

 

All is falling down

 

He gazed into the bright light, saw the face of Janet disappear and in the glow another face appeared. He forced himself to look into the bright light even though it hurt his eyes. By doing so the face came through the light. He smiled.

It was Barbara. She waved to him and then beckoned. Then he went to her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Publication Date: 08-24-2016

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