Blank Page. by Ash . (i read book txt) 📕

I can be really mean towards you

I'm a puzzle, yes indeed.

Every complex in every way

And all the pieces aren't even in the box, and yet

You see the picture clear as day.

I don't know why you love me

And that's why I love you

You catch me when I fall

Accept my flaws and all

And that's why I love you...

I looked out the window and thought about the kiss me and Caleb had the night of the winter formal. How soft his lips were and how I was floating before it ended. Then I thought of his lips being connected to that girls' in front of everyone and making me look like a fool. I got angry all over again and tears filled my eyes. The song changed to Mama's Broken Heart by Miranda Lambert and I sang loud along with it.

I cut my bangs with some rusty kitchen scissors

I screamed his name ‘til the neighbors called the cops

I numbed the pain at the expense of my liver

Don’t know what I did next all I know, I couldn’t stop

Word got around to the barflies and the baptists

My mama’s phone started ringin’ off the hook

I can hear her now sayin’ she ain’t gonna have it

Don’t matter how you feel, it only matters how you look

Go and fix your make up, girl, it’s just a break up

Run and hide your crazy and start actin’ like a lady

'Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together

Even when you fall apart

But this ain’t my mama’s broken heart

Ricky smiled at me softly and then we came home. I grabbed my bag out the backseat of the car and then walked up the front steps to the door. I thought to myself, I'm totally over him. Maybe I will give Jai a chance! then walked into the house.

School got easier and easier as I accepted the fact that I was over Caleb. He was out of my life and I guess that was best. I smiled when Jai walked into my third block class and sat next to me in his usual seat then Caleb walked in and sat directly in front of me. Jai started writing in his notebook and everyone else was either talking, on their phones, or in outer space.

Suddenly, a note flew on my desk with Jai's neat handwriting. I opened it slowly and read what was inside.

Will you go on a date with me tonight? It's last minute but I don't care. I want to spend time with the girl I'm falling for. So, how about it? Be my Audrey Hepburn? ~ Jai.

I smiled and wrote back a sweet "Yes" and put a heart beside it before passing it back as soon as the teacher walked in. Class begun but all the knowledge on my mind was what I'd be wearing tonight with Jai.

After school, I had to go shopping with Camille since my brother was too busy. We picked up a few groceries before coming back to the house and putting them away.

"Dana," she called when I was walking out of the kitchen.

I turned on my heel. "Yes, Camille?"

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry," she said while looking down.

"For what?" I was confused now.

"For not really being there for you. I mean, I know I don't have to but we're the only girls in this house and, really, I feel bad for not being a role model for you."

"Oh, Camille... I'm honestly a smart girl. My actions partake on who I'm around. Like, with Ricky, I'm always the good little sister."

We both laughed.

I continued, "But that doesn't make me immature. I don't need a womanly role model. Do I want one? Yes, but it should've been my mother. Instead, she stayed strung out on something every night and slept all day so she didn't know what the hell I did. That's why Rick left. I always wondered why he left me. I guess he thought I was strong enough... I am strong, and I got to be that way by being alone with that woman."

The door closed and Rick walked into the house with a grin on his face. He saw us standing in the kitchen and then the look turned serious.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"We were just planning your death," I said.

Camille laughed when his eyes widened and then he grabbed me and picked me up.

"No," I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"Take it back," he yelled.

"Alright! I'm sorry, Ricky!" I screamed and dangled my legs.

He laughed and pretended to drop me when the doorbell rang and he set me on my feet.

"Shit, what time is it?" I panicked.

"Watch your language, Dana. It's 6:34, why?"

I ran upstairs quickly and tried to find something to wear through my entire heap of clothing. I ended up picking a pink seethrough shirt with a black cami to go under, some light blue denim capris, a pair of Ray-Ban sunglasses, my silver sandals with straps around the ankles, and a pink bag. I wrapped my hair into a neat bun and put a pink ribbon around it before bouncing downstairs. Jai was sitting across from my brother, fidgeting his fingers lightly and then I came into view of him.

"Ready to go?" I asked.

"Um, yeah..." he said quietly and took my hand as we walked out.

"My brother seems to love you," I joked.

That made him laugh. "He kept staring at me so I got nervous. I'm sorry," he said softly.

"It's ok. He intimidates a lot of the guys I date to see if they get nervous. In his mind, a nervous guy on the first date is an honest guy because he can't hide the fact of what he's doing wrong."

Jai opened my door for me and I slipped into his car. It smelled of smoke and apple scented fresheners. He got into the driver's seat and we started towards wherever he was taking me.

We pulled up to an old Starbucks and he got out of the car slowly. I got out a couple minutes later and then he took my hand and walked me up to the door.

"Jai, I don't think we should go in there." I didn't feel so sure about this.

"It's fine," he said surely and then opened the door.

We walked in and there was a small stereo playing soft music and one of the booths was cleaned nicely and set up with candles and food. I smiled and looked at him.

"You went through all of this for one date?" I asked him.

"Well, I did this for one so that there was for sure another one."

He said it with such sincerity that I hugged him tightly before we began our evening together. I even got a goodnight kiss on the cheek before he left.

Today is me and Jai's anniversary and what else better to do but show him how much I love him? In every way. I told Ricky and his immediate answer was...

"No!" Rick's voice boomed throughout the entire house and it made me jump.

"Rick, I'm 17 and plus, I'll be careful. I swear," I told him.

"Dana, that's right. You're 17. You haven't graduated high school yet. And you want to have sex with some guy that I barely know enough about?" he asked in a crazed tone.

"He's not just some guy, Richard!" I called him by his government name and his face scrunched up. "I've known him all of our lives and I love him. I'm in love with him. Can't you just see that and let me make my own choices?" I yelled.

"And what if you get pregnant?" Rick asked.

"Unlikely," I answered.

We stood there face to face before a grin showed up on his face. "You know, you really are my baby sister. I can't argue with you without you getting that same kind of anger."

I smiled back at him and said, "I know you want the best for me but honestly, I'm about to be a woman and I can make my own decisions. I wouldn't do it if I wasn't sure," I promised him.

"And I'll even help her prepare," Camille said after sitting there through the whole fight.

"Fine," my brother said, giving up, "but I'm not leaving this house."

I gasped, horrified of the fact that my brother would hear me moaning and, maybe, screaming.

"Doesn't matter," he said and walked out. Did he read my mind?

Camille bought me lingerie and some new perfume for tonight. I pulled my hair up into a messy bun and waited for Jai. His soft knocking let me know he was here and so I opened the door and stood behind it. When he turned, I covered his eyes with my hands and led him to the bed.

"What's all of this?" he asked with a smile on his face.

"Just a little something. It's been a year, you know," I whispered to him.

I took my hands away from his eyes but kept him turned around while I undid the buttons on his shirt and then his jeans. He turned quickly then looked at me from head to toe. The lingerie, the cleared face, the messy bun. It all aroused him and when he bent to kiss me I turned my head slightly, making his lips land on my neck instead. He sucked softly and then kissed down to my breast bone before I was gasping for air.

"You seem eager," I choked.

"Only for you, always for you," he said then sat down.

He worked the ties of my corset loose and pulled it off to reveal my breasts. He licked his lips hungrily before taking one into his mouth. I gasped and grabbed his head slightly while he sucked at my nipple and played with the other. His hands both went to my waist and pulled me down into his lap. I felt the hardness there and rotated my hips to make contact with it, which made us both groan.

"Dana," he whispered in my ear softly and pulled off my bottoms.

"Jai," I looked into his eyes and begged softly.

He smiled and laid me back on the bed before getting up and removing the rest of his clothes. He came down on me and pulled a condom on him. He was bigger than I'd imagined and that frightened me because my brother was just two doors down from us. I bit my lip and he slid inside of me gently. His