Damaged Beyond Repair by Kashmira Kamat (KittyKash) (motivational novels txt) 📕

"No.No.No. Don't say that baby, I don't deserve your love. Not after the horrible things I've put you through. "

I kept holding onto his hand, caressing it softly, "Demoralizing yourself isn't going to help here. You don't understand Rowan; none of this is your fault. The reason you tried to..." the word got stuck in my throat again, "The reason you tried to kill yourself was because you couldn't control your emotions, it crossed the limit. I was there with you the entire time and I just switched on my coward button. I was scared of you at that point which was the last thing you needed. I was supposed to stop you from reaching that gun but I couldn't. I inflicted so much pain inside you that the last resort you saw was to end everything."

Rowan shook his head timidly, he was in tears again, "That's just me Alana, I tend to go over the edge and make decisions on a whim with too much alcohol and drugs. Insert mental issues and you have the lunatic suicidal version. It's time I started taking responsibility for my actions, so to speak."

I squeezed my butt onto little corner of Rowan's bed, and lightly put my head on his broad and possibly scarred chest, inhaling the hospital soap and gut choking medication smell, like I even cared. It was Rowan, alive and breathing---that's what mattered. He seemed to be muddled by my sudden actions but then he lightly brushed my hair, resting his cheek on the top of my head. There was a momentary silence before Rowan whispered, "Can I ask you something?"

"Hmmm." My mind was reeling on the fact that Rowan had nil clothes beneath the hospital gown; my hand was close to the hem of it which was my route to easy exploration. Dang it! Since when did I mind become so dirty and perverted? I was so close to assaulting a patient, not that the patient would have any issue with the assault.

"Do I have your forgiveness?" he asked me so softly in that polite was of his.

"What kind of question is that? Ofcourse you do."

"But what if I did something similar to this? Would you forgive me then?"

"Haven't I always?" I jerked my head a little upward; tracing his bristle jaw-line. That crestfallen look again was telling me something was wrong, "what's wrong baby? Talk to me. You're not planning on blowing up or terrorizing an entire town, are you?"

He laughed softly followed by a harsh cough, "There is no room for more mistakes, I just want to know if you're still willing to forgive me. One more time."

I began searching his eyes for any hidden truth, "Depends on how colossal your mistake is." I narrowed my eyes at him, "Y'know your question is sounding suspicious even for a hypothetical one. Promise me, nothing stupid."

"I promise." He said, looking me straight in the eye, "no tears. This time, I'll make you proud."

"You already do." I couldn't hold myself as I inched closer and sealed my lips with his. My hands automatically got tangled in his soft curls, his tongue twisting in a sensuous dance. Maybe I pressed a little too hard on his injured chest since he yelped, I pulled away abruptly, "I'm so sorry."

He grinned, "They should transfer me into that private ward now. I'm not needed in here." He beckoned me again so I complied with his wish, spiralling into a hot make out session.

The door barged open without a knock, Dwight poked in, "I was expecting more than this, you love birds need to get a room. The hospital is off limits for sexual pleasures. Oh and by the way, you have a visitor."

Gabriel sauntered into the room, embarrassed on my account. "Hey."

"Rowan this is Gabriel, my friend and co-worker.." emphasis on the word friend, "and Gabe this is Rowan."

Gabe smiled friendly at him, "Alana's keeps talking about you."

Rowan didn't seem pleased to see him, "I'm sure she does."

There. The sarcasm was so obvious. I needed to give a printed hand out with the rules that said 'How to play nice'.

I threw a pointed look at Rowan.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing." Gabriel said.

"I'm good." Rowan's mouth was set in an arrogant line, "Thanks."

Gabe turned to me, "Alana, I got a call from Rose, we need to go."

"Can you wait outside for a minute, Gabe?"

"Sure." Gabe turned and left, shutting the door behind him.

"Is there something, I should know about?" Rowan interrogated.

"He is a friend and a co-worker, there's nothing else to it." I corrected him.

"I hope. I've noticed the way he gawks at you and I don't like it. I don't like him or the fact that you call him Gabe."

"You're one to become insecure, Rowan because I'm not the one with a clingy ex-girlfriend trying to barge into someone's life so you're entitled to your own opinion."

He ignored me completely as he diverted to a Gabe free topic, "I want you to quit the job and it has nothing to do with your friend."

"What do you mean by quit my job?" my pitch was moving up on a higher notch, I had to be wired up to be thrown out of the room by one of the nurses for being a noisy visitor.

"Let me rephrase my sentence. I want you to resign from your job."

I swear I felt fumes flare from my nose and ears, "You can't go Alpha male on me, Rowan, my parents are already trying to be in control of my life."

"I'm not arguing with you, Alana." He coughed hard, "You need to focus on your university. There's a lot of time for job after that. I've already made arrangements for everything."

"You're gonna pay for my university?"

"University and your personal needs. Everything will be covered. All you need to worry about is your exams and studying, babe please." I was put in a dilemma again, I mean, he was right. The long lectures in the morning, the job in the evening and my endless assignments were becoming a massive overload on my body. "Think of it as a scholarship. This is a professor's request to her favourite student."