Be Lonely, Be Your Best by Santosh Jha (good books to read for 12 year olds TXT) 📕

Evolution, at one point of time, many millions years back, switched from non-sexual reproductive procedures to sexual one as it had definitive benefits for species survival and genetic excellence. Evolution embedded sexual drive in neural wirings to ensure that human excelled over other species. This evolution then created gender roles and suitable physiological as well as neural differences were created in males and females. This scheme of things required that men always looked for sex and women used sex as selection tool for best mating option.

Things have changed in modern cultures. Evolution’s game plan is no more valid and no more required as traditional gender roles have changed and in liberal cultural scenario, sex has lost its old and tested evolutionary purpose. Moreover, in modern living, humanity does not have the old challenges of survival and species proliferation, as we are many times more in numbers on this planet and have managed to live quite long. We do not need to go into details as everyone knows, how modern cultures have placed sex in a rather demeaning and diminutive imagery as fun thing, thrill-tool and time-pass activity, rather than a reproductive tool.

In modern civilization, where success of cultures depends on how intellectual self-control is exercised over instinctive drives, just the inverse is happening. Sex was once an instinctive drive, designed for species needs millions of years back. Now that modern human life-living situation and overall cultural advancement has made those needs obsolete, what we need is intellectual self-control over this powerful sex drive, which has lost its primitive usage. We need to accept sex in a totally different light and perspective.

Though, it is a long and complicated scientific explanation as how our brains have been designed in long years of evolution; we just have to know and accept that unlike other human organs, human brain is not a single organ. It is rather a cooperative of many parts, evolved during different times of evolution, with each part being an addition to the old one, not a replacement. Therefore, what we need to accept is that our brain is not doing this favour of intellectual discretion to us. It still has the primitive brain, over which the new parts have piled up. That is why our brain still has the primitive instincts and drives. It also has modern logical parts but brain is not doing any automatic pruning for us. We have to exercise learnt and nurtured intellectual control over our instincts. Both instincts and intellect are part of our brain mechanism but this self-control thing works well only when we have evolved a higher consciousness. Instinctive behaviours are auto-mode, intellectual initiatives are not. Therefore, the intellectual self-control needs to be inculcated and persevered through conscious practice. This presupposes quality lonely time with self.

No doubt, human inventiveness and human intellectual prowess are potent mechanism, which can engender so much novelty out of even a waste. Sex however is such a beautiful human experience. With applied human intellect, modern humanity and cultures surely can turn this obsolete sex drive into a highly beautiful, artistic and worthy entity.

There is this very subtle difference in cognition regarding so many life-living realisms, which produce two extreme causalities – extremely beneficial or extremely calamitous. This difference in cognition is about how we hit a poise of higher purpose between tangible as well as intangible elements of some realism. This needs to be applied in the domain of sex. The tangibles of sex and physical intimacies have a very limited purpose, which are now evolutionary vestiges. We surely do not need sex in its primeval tangible form. However, the intangibles of sex are unlimited and they offer us so many sunny shades. The intangible elements of nurturance, mutuality, intimacy, cooperation, compassion, commitment, trust, etc are all very beneficial requirements for overall wellness of we all and all these elements must be made to ride on the tangibility of sex. Evolution has given us a vehicle, a medium, but what we carry on this vehicle is now the role of our intellect and higher consciousness.

This requires change in the age-old cognition about sex. We need to unlearn the populist perspectives about tangibility of sex and learn the intangibilities of sex, in the light of new wellness needs in modern times. The artistry of intellect to attain this change needs two key ingredients –

Intellectual self-control over our instincts, the primeval neural wiring...

Higher consciousness to evolve a new cognition for novel sex causalities...

As we said earlier, with applied human intellect, modern humanity and cultures surely can turn this obsolete sex drive into a highly beautiful, artistic and worthy entity.

It is a similar situation with loneliness. We have to unlearn its tangible aspects to change the old cognition about it as a bad and debilitating thing. Then, we need to apply our intellect to redesign a new cognition, which sees and accepts the beautiful and beneficial intangible elements of loneliness.

We all just need to accept that there are things, which need to change. We are no more what we used to be millions of years back, when the evolution wired in us so many of our current drives. As these drives are still there and we surely cannot delete them from our genetic makeup, we have to fast unlearn the obsolete roles and worth of these drives and design new intellectual meaning and utility of these drives.

Similarly, loneliness was once a very meaningful tool evolution wired in us so that we all could drop our individualistic streak and fall back to society, culture and other collectivity as our survival chances were good only when we lived in groups and interacted in mutuality mode. However, modern living and contemporary cultures have outlived the utility of loneliness. This collectivity, over-connect with cultures and being part of the crowded mainstream worldview itself has become a huge burden on individual as together, they are triggering more chaos, conflict and confusion, because of the constant drift and flux, they keep us into. It is time we unlearn the obsolete instinctive perception, role and utility of loneliness.

We need loads of self-control, self-discipline and self-awareness of high order to intellectually re-design the rules of individuality as well as our social needs. Times have changed, the world we live in has changed, life-living realism has changed. That is why we also have to intellectually design such changes in ourselves and in our mainstream cultures, which make both individuals as well as cultures become successful.

Scientists say, evolution is a stupid engineering. Things in distant past happened as accidents, and in time, many of such accidents, which evolution opted for as bare survival input, were labelled as successes. Scientists say, we have come to a stage, where we are no more a puppet in the hands of accidental evolution. Scientists say, future of humanity is in designing excellence, not survival. All future evolutions shall no more be accidental, but planned after very mindful and conscious intellectual rumination.

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Loneliness: Call Of Instincts For Self-Actualization

Of Potentials Within, To Be Our Own Buddha

If we put all the above ideas in linearity, if we sum up things, it seems clear that all things start with mind consciousness and end there. Even the drives may be bio-chemical but they are expressed as per the mind consciousness of different people. All people have the same sex drive. However, as these drives are conditioned by cultural learning as well as an individual’s own meme or shade of consciousness, different people express their sexuality in contrastingly different ways – both physically as well as mentally. Drives may be common but their expressions are varied, depending on subjective individuality. Same with loneliness!

This is the core realism, which we now have to understand and accept. It is consciousness, which defines and determines our cognition – that is the way we perceive and accept realism. And, this subjective cognition in turn shapes the causality – the logical connection between various factors in the cause-effect cyclicality, in all of us. That is why we all need to understand and accept that prime winner or loser is consciousness – this subjective sense of I or the self. That is why empowerment of consciousness is the cardinal and core task every single person has to do in his or her life. More poised and empowered your consciousness, far streamlined, settled and balanced is your cognition and causality. This ensures, you have a life-living situation within yourself, which stands you in perfect wellness and excellence with all elements and factors in milieus outside.

Thousands of years back, the wise of humanity said, ‘Nothing external to you have any meaning and impact on you’. Modern science also says the same thing. All realism is within us – this mystically marvellous consciousness is the seat of all realism. Consciousness shapes all realism because consciousness shapes cognition and this then moulds causality. This 3Cs process is an internalized process. From outside, all people are the same and all of us have the same drives, same body-mind mechanism. Still, there are loads of differences about how different people believe and accept outside realism as. This difference is within – different memes and shades of consciousness do the trick.

That is why common drives engender uncommon realism for us. We all know this story about a king, who had a few thousand beautiful young women in his harem, whom he ordered to be killed to be replaced by more number of women. This is a tale common in all cultures. Kings had large harems and still they were not sexually happy and satisfied. Moreover, we also have this common story in all cultures as how a man or a woman killed themselves as they could not imagine to live anymore after the demise of their partners.

What makes it happen? The king and the common lover both have the same sex drive. Both have the same body-mind mechanism. However, their perception and perspective about sex and intimacy varies so much, on two different extremes of the scale. This happens because of the difference in consciousness. Sex is a physical or tangible tool for attainment of an intangible worth called intimacy. This intimacy is not physical, tangible or material. Sex is tangible and physical. Drives are body realism but they are expressed and attained in mind realism. All worthy attainments of humanity are intangibles, endowed in physicality but attainable through intangibility of mind consciousness.

In modern clutter culture, sex has become the tool of greatest dismay and disarray. This harem syndrome is almost everywhere. People in drift and flux accept sex as physical thing and value little about the intangibilities of intimacy, affection and compassion, which are more meaningful aspects of sex. The physicality and tangibility of sex has led to the king’s attitude towards sex. More sex partners, more physicality but lesser intimacy, lesser intangible satisfaction and happiness.

Similar is the situation about loneliness. Like sex, our instinctive drive makes us go for connect with more people. This drive makes the individual to accept that success and self-worth shall be attained more when more and more people shall know and accept it. So, like sex, we indulge in the physicality and tangibility of the mental and intangible need called connect. However, more we connect physically, lonelier we grow. Deeper we enter into this crowd of drifted and fluxed culture, more disconnected and dissatisfied we stand.

This connect has to be an internalized realism. People first need to be connected within, and then only outside connect can be fruitful and satisfactory. As is the reality, nothing external can have any meaning and impact on us if it is not internalized first. That is why the wise of even contemporary culture put premium on self-awareness, self-analysis and self-actualization. This process is the internalization mechanism and this surely needs loads of self-control and self-discipline. And to start that, one needs to come out of the drift and flux of life.

As we earlier accepted, if we are in empowering company of