Her Love Fades... by Kerry Boo.. (books suggested by bill gates TXT) 📕

texting me. I’ve wanted to reply to him so bad. I see him at school occasionally. Still sitting with Karli. I know he see’s me. Me and Aiden walk past them every day. And every day my heart breaks more, and i have to fight back my tears. He smiles like everything’s ok, well maybe everything is ok… maybe for him.

“Babe?” I hear.

It pulls me out of my depression and smile up at Aiden. “Yes Dinosaur?”

He giggles. “Look we’ve been dating for awhile now… and we’ve been spending a lot of time together and talking a lot. I feel like I’ve got to know you a lot better than anyone and I want to thank you for always being here for me when I need someone. There’s something I wanted to say to you… whenever you’re ready?”

I thought back to all those times Luke had called me babe, how it brought butterflies to my tummy. It didn’t have the same effect when Aiden called me babe. Actually it had quite the opposite. When Aiden said it, it sent a rush of pain through my heart. “I’m ready when you are.” I say through clenched teeth forcing a smile. Try doing all that while you’re thinking about your ex and fighting back tears.

He took a deep breath and smiled. “Andi, I love you… I am in love with you.” After awhile when I never responded to his shocking news his smile began to fade. “Did you hear me?”

I turned away from him and whispered “Aiden… I don’t love you…..” It hurt me to say this but I couldn’t lead him on any farther. I did like him, but loving him was a totally different chapter. That I wasn’t going to skip pages to get to.

“Why don’t you love me Andi? Am I unlovable?” what kind of question was that?

I signed. “You know why….”

He walked in front of me and glanced at Luke. “Him right?”

I sniffled back tears and nodded my head.

I thought he would calm down but that only angered him more, he started screaming. It was causing a big commotion and the one person I didn’t want to look over, did. Yeah Luke glanced over towards us. Everyone was watching as the tears were pouring down my face. “Your still in love with Luke!? After everything that fucking ass hole has put you through!?”

I simply nodded my head.

He ran his hands through his hair. “Look Andi, I just told you I loved you, and you told me that you didn’t love me. You loved Luke!? What the hell was that!!? he cheated on you! He’s hurt you, and you still fucking love him!?”
Luke stared over at me as the tears were pouring down my face, he made no move towards me, and he just sat there with his mouth hanging open. “Yes, Aiden. That obviously hasn’t changed. It’s not fucking going to!!” I started screaming at him.

Aiden rolled his eyes. “Look Andi, as soon as you get over that dumbass over there holding that girl. By the way she’s not you. Then call me.” He stalked off inside the school.

I was about to fall to my knee’s and beg for someone to kill me. I started running away from the school. I heard footsteps behind me. I didn’t care who they were. I was going to end it. No more pain and no more suffering. I don’t have to worry about breaking any promise to Luke anymore, seeming as he already did that.

It felt like hours I had been walking. I had a feeling where I was going. I knew this place well. I always climbed up this cliff when life became too much and I just needed to think. It wasn’t the same this time, these thoughts were about to become an action. And everything would soon be ok. Well not ok but at least I wouldn’t have to see Luke anymore.

I reached the Clift and sat there staring down. It would take forever to die from that. I would keep falling and falling. Would I ever reach the bottom if I jumped? I hung my feet over the edge and thought. My heart was pounding in my ears. I was scared, what made me think I could actually let go? I rested there for awhile before I could take it no longer.

I reached inside my bra and took out my pocket knife. I sat it beside me. Which would be quicker? I thought to myself. I reached for my knife and scooted closer to the edge. One way or another, this was the end of my life. This was the end of crying for Luke. No more looking at him holding Karli in his arms.

This wasn’t just about a girl falling in love with a boy, the boy breaking her heart and the girl resulting to suicide because she loved him and thought she couldn’t live without him… there was more to it.

My mom was dead, my dad used to beat me. I remember what exactly happened that day in the woods. I was raped…. Then someone tries to kill me. Why not just help them out and die? I wrote one long goodbye note, or suicide note whatever you wish to call them. I don’t care. I just don’t.

Goodbye Note.

I can’t take this anymore, it hurts me to bad to smile and tell
Everyone that I am fine, I can’t lie anymore. Its bringing me
Down and it has become nearly impossible to make people
Think that I am happy, and I love life. I hate life. I hate
Everything about it. I hate the smiles that people can
Truthfully wear all the time. Please tell Morgan she was the
Best fake mom I have ever had. She was there for me since
My real mother could not be. Atleast I can see her soon. Tell
Her I love her, and ask her to never forget me. She’s one of
The only people I have ever believed has truly loved me, as
for Luke Wilson. He knows it all. He knows I love him and he
Knows I need him, I guess make sure he knows he wasn’t
The exact cause of my death. I love you Luke Wilson, that’s
Still never going to change. Maybe you’ll move on now and
Can be happier with Karli. I guess I hope you to can make it.
And…. Just be happy…. Love you….

-Andi


I set the note down beside me, they would find it… or they wouldn’t. But either way I couldn’t take it and I was done.

I had decided that I wanted to die under the blade. Not by jumping off a Clift. I moved away from the Clift and grabbed my knife with tears in my eyes. Maybe everything would finally be ok.

I grasped the knife tight and dug it into my wrist crying out in pain and screaming, why did I scream? The fact that I was dying wasn’t going to change the fact that people don’t care. The blood instantly started spilling from my fresh wound. I traced along the line of a previous scar from my last suicide attempt, this one would be different. How? This one would be the last one.

Lukas
If looks could kill I would be dead Aiden would have killed me, Andi would have killed me and Karli would have killed me. I guess I was lucky. Watching Andi have a break down was awful. I had seen her do those too many times, and it still stopped my heart. I tried to chase after Andi; I needed to know that she was ok. Everything about the way she ran off scared me. But Karli wouldn’t let go of me.

“Karli, please let go!” I pleaded.

“Why Luke? Got some where more important to go, instead of here with your girlfriend?” she put extra emphasize on the word
Girlfriend.’

“Ya Karli I actually do. And your not my girlfriend anymore, we’re done. It’s over. I can’t do this to Andi anymore! I need her!” I felt like I just got slapped in the face, oh wait I did.

Before I could do anything else to protest another beat down from her she kneed me in the groin. I fell to the ground in a ball turning with pain. “Fucking dammit Karli!!! Why did you just do that!??” I was nauseated the only thing I could think of doing was puking. “Fuck!” I kept screaming. I pulled myself up on my knees and hung my head low before I remember the tears pouring down Andi’s face.
This was my fault and I had to fix everything. I stood up and started with a limp. Damn that hurt. I guess I deserved that, and if not for Karli, then for Andi. After awhile it was possible to walk normal again. I stopped at Andi’s house and pounded on her door. I expected to go into the bathroom and see a suicide scene, but when I got there it was clean, there was no evidence she had even been there.

I fell to the floor crying before I remembered where we used to go when she was upset and we needed to talk. The park was the next thing on my list if the edge was empty of her.

I started running towards the edge. I got to the hill and seen the sign clarifying that I was at the edge. I looked down at the dirt and seen Andi’s bag lying there. I knew she would come here.

I pulled myself up on the edge and looked down half expecting to see a squad car and a body lying down there. But thankfully there was nothing. I looked all around the edge trying to spot Andi when I heard someone cough.

I spun around and seen Andi there. She was lying on her wrist, her face was coated with blood and her hair was soaked to her face, there was a knife lying open with blood spilling off it. There was a puddle of blood around her head. I knew she was close to the edge. She finally made it to the edge…. and reached her breaking point.

I slide over to her... dirtying up my black skinny jeans and ripping a hole in the knees. When I was close to her I felt for her heartbeat, it was there but barley. “Andi!! Can you hear me?”

No response. I pulled out my phone and dialed 911.
“Hello 911 operator, this is Shelia. What is the nature of your emergency?
I don’t care what the fuck your name is, I shout in my head. “I need an ambulance! At the edge!”
“We’ll be there soon.” Then she hung up.

I stood there begging Andi to stay with me, telling her I needed her and if she jumped then I would jump too. And that would never change.

Soon after I heard sirens getting closer and closer. The ambulance arrived and the EMT put her on the gurney. I asked them over and over if she would be ok and I never got a response. At the last minute when they were about to leave I jumped in the back with the other EMT. There was blood all over the place. I couldn’t help myself