The Arabian Nights Entertainments by Anonymous (best books to read .txt) 📕

The Jewish doctor approving the proposed expedient, his wife and he took the little hunch-back up to the roof of the house; and, clapping ropes under his arm-pits, let him down the chimney into the purveyor's chamber so softly and dexterously, that he stood upright against the wall as if he had been alive. When they found he stood firm, they pulled up the ropes, and left the gentleman in that posture. They were scarcely got into their chamber, when the purveyor went into his, being just come from a wedding feast, with a lantern in his hand. He was mightily surprised, when, by the light of his lantern, he descried a man standing upright in his chimney; but being a stout man, and apprehending it was a thief or a robber, he took up a large cane; and, making straight up to the hunch-back, Ah, said he, I thought it was the rats and the mice that ate my butter and tallow! and it is you that come down the chimney to rob me, is it? I question if ever you come back again on the same errand? This said, he fell foul of the man, and gave him a good many swinging thwacks with his cane: upon which the corpse fell down, running its nose against the ground, and the purveyor redoubled his blows: but, observing that the body did not move, he stood to consider a little; when, perceiving it was a corpse, fear succeeded his anger. Wretched man that I am! said he; what have I done? I have killed a man! alas, I have carried my revenge too far! good God, unless thou pityest me, my life is gone! Cursed, ten thousand times accursed, be the fat and the oil that gave occasion to the commission of so criminal an action. In fine, he stood pale and thunder-struck; he thought he saw the officers already come to drag him to condign punishment, and could not think what resolution to take.

The sultan of Casgar's purveyor did not observe the little gentleman's hunch when he was beating him, but as soon as he did, he threw out a thousand imprecations against him. Ah, you crooked hunch-back! cried he; would to God you had robbed me of all my fat, and I had not found you here! had it been so, I would not have been now so much perplexed for the sake of you and your nasty hunch. Oh! the stars that twinkle in the heavens give light to none but me in this dangerous Juncture! As soon as he had uttered these words, he took the little crooked corpse upon his shoulders, and carried it out of doors to the end of the street, where he set it upright against a shop, and then trudged home again without looking behind him.

A few minutes before the break of day, a Christian merchant, who was very rich, and furnished the sultan's palace with most things it wanted; this merchant, having sat up all night debauching, stepped out of his house to go to bathe. Though he was drunk, he was sensible that the night was far spent, and that the people would quickly be called to the morning prayers, which begin at break of day; he therefore quickened his pace to get in time to the bath, lest a Turk, meeting him in his way to the mosque, should carry him to prison for a drunkard. When he came to the end of the street, he stopped on some necessary occasion, and leaned against the shop where the sultan's purveyor had put the hunch-backed corpse; but the corpse being jostled, tumbled upon the merchant's back. The merchant thinking it was a robber that came to attack him, knocked him down with a hearty box on the ear, and, after redoubling his blows, cried out, Thieves! The outcry alarmed the watch, who came up immediately; and finding a Christian beating a Turk, (for crump-back was of our religion), What reason have you, said he, to abuse a Mussulman after this rate? He would have robbed me, replied the merchant, and jumped upon my back with intent to take me by the throat. If he did, said the watch, you have revenged yourself sufficiently; come, get off him. At the same time he stretched out his hand to help little crump-back up: but observing that he was dead, Ah! hey-day! said he, is it thus that a Christian dares to assassinate a Mussulman? So he laid hold of the Christian, and carried him to the sheriff's house, where he was kept till the judge was up, and ready to examine him. In the mean time, the Christian merchant grew sober, and the more he reflected upon his adventure, the less could he conceive how such single fisty-cuffs could kill the man. The judge having heard the report of the watch, and viewed the corpse, which they had taken care to bring to his house, interrogated the Christian merchant, who could not deny the crime, though he had not committed it. But the judge considering that little crump-back belonged to the sultan, (for he was one of his buffoons) would not put the Christian to death till he knew the sultan's pleasure. For this end he went to the palace, and acquainted the sultan with what had happened, and received from him this answer, I have no mercy to show to a Christian, who kills a Mussulman; go do your office. Upon this the judge ordered a gibbet to be erected, and sent criers all over the city to proclaim that they were about to hang a Christian for killing a Mussulman.

In fine, the merchant was brought out of gaol to the foot of the gallows; and the hangman, having put the rope about his neck, was going to throw him off, when the sultan's purveyor pushed through die crowd, made up to the gibbet, calling to the hangman to stop, for that the Christian had not committed the murder, but himself. The sheriff who attended the execution immediately put interrogatories to the purveyor, who told him every circumstance of his killing the little crump-back, and conveying his corpse to the place where the merchant found him. You were about, added he, to put to death an innocent person; for how can he be guilty of the death of a man who was dead before he saw him? My burden is sufficient in having killed a Turk, without loading my conscience with the additional charge of the death of a Christian who is not guilty.

The sultan of Casgar's purveyor having publicly charged himself with the death of the little hunch-backed man, the sheriff could not avoid doing justice to the merchant. Let the Christian go, said he, and hang this man in his room, since it appears by his own confession that he is guilty. Whereupon the hangman released the merchant, and clapped the rope round the purveyor's neck; but just as he was going to pull him up, he heard the voice of the Jewish doctor, earnestly entreating him to suspend the execution, and make room for him to throw himself at the foot of the gallows. When he appeared before the judge, My lord, said he, this Mussulman you are going to hang is not guilty: the crime rests with me. Last night a man and a woman, unknown to me, came to my house with a sick man they had brought along with them; and knocking at my door, my maid went and opened it without a light, and received from them a piece of money, with a commission to come and desire me, in their names, to step down and look upon the sick person. While she was delivering her message to me, they conveyed the sick person to the stair-head, and then disappeared. I went down, without staying for my servant to light a candle, and in the dark happened to stumble upon the sick person, and kicked him down stairs. In fine, I saw he was dead, and that it was the crooked Mussulman, whose death you are now about to avenge. So my wife and I took the corpse, and, after conveying it up to the leads of our house, moved it to the roof of the purveyor's house, our next neighbour, and let it down the chimney into the chamber. The purveyor, finding it in his house, took the little man for a thief, and, after beating him, concluded he had killed him; but that it was not so, you will be convinced by this my deposition; so that I am the only author of the murder: and though it was committed undesignedly, I have resolved to expiate my crime by keeping clear of the charge of the death of two Mussulmen, and hinder you from executing the sultan's purveyor, whose innocence I have now revealed. So pray dismiss him, and put me in his place, for I alone am the cause of the death of the little man.

The chief justice being persuaded that the Jewish doctor was the murderer, gave orders to the executioner to seize him, and release the purveyor. Accordingly the doctor was just going to be hung up, when the tailor appeared, crying to the executioner to hold his hand, and make room for him, that he might come and make his confession to the lord justice; which being done, My lord, said he to the judge, you have narrowly escaped taking away the lives of three innocent persons, but if you will have patience to hear me, I will discover to you the real murderer of the crook-backed man. If his death is to be expiated by another, that must be mine. Yesterday evening, as I was at work in my shop, and pretty merry, the little hunch-back came to my door half drunk, and sat down before it. He began to sing, so I invited him to pass the evening at my house. Accordingly, he accepted of the invitation, and went with me. We sat down to supper, and I gave him a plate of fish; but, in eating, a bone stuck in his throat; and though my wife and I did our utmost to relieve him, he died in a few minutes. His death affected us extremely; and from fear of being charged with it, we carried the corpse to the Jewish doctor's house, and knocked at the door. The maid coming down and opening it, I desired her to go up forthwith, and ask her master to come down and give his advice to a sick person that we had brought along with us; and withal, to encourage him, I charged her to give him a piece of money, which I put into her hand. When she was gone up, I carried hunch-back up stairs, laid him upon the uppermost step, and then my wife and I made the best of our way home. The doctor, in coming down, kicked the corpse down stairs, and thereupon he supposed himself to be the author of his death. Now, this being the case, continued he, release the doctor, and let me die in his room.

The chief justice, and all the spectators, could not sufficiently admire the strange emergencies that ensued upon the death of the little crooked gentleman. Let the Jewish doctor go, said the judge, and hang up the tailor, since he confesses the crime. It is certain this history is very uncommon, and deserves to be recorded in letters of gold. The executioner having dismissed the doctor, made every thing ready to tie up the tailor. While the executioner was making ready to hang up the tailor, the sultan of Casgar, wanting the company of his crooked jester, asked where he was. One of his officers answered, The hunch-back, sir, whom you inquire after, got drunk last night, and, contrary to his custom, slipped out of the palace, went a sauntering into the city, and was this morning found dead. A man was brought before the chief justice, and charged with the murder of him; but as he was going to be hanged, up came a man, and after him another, who took the charge upon themselves, and cleared each other. The examination has continued a long while, and the judge is now interrogating a third man who avows himself the real author of the murder.

Upon this intelligence, the sultan of Casgar sent a hussar to the place of execution. Go, said he to the messenger, make all the haste you can, bring the arraigned persons before me immediately, with the corpse of poor crump-back, that I may see him once more. Accordingly the hussar went, and happened to arrive at the place of execution at the time when the executioner was going to tie