The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night, vol 1 by Sir Richard Francis Burton (classic literature list TXT) 📕

I will entreat thee as thou deservest and do thee die by the foulest of deaths.’ But needs must I have at her a second time.”[FN#606] When I heard this it added ailment to my ailment and the neighbours visited me and judged that I was not long for this world; but after some days, the old woman came to me and, putting her mouth close to my ear, whispered, “O my son; I claim from thee the gift of good news.”

With this my soul returned to me and I said, “Whatever thou wilt shall be thine.” Thereupon she began, “Yesterday I went to the young lady who, seeing me broken in spirit and shedding tears from reddened eyes, asked me, ‘O naunty[FN#607] mine, what ails thee, that I see thy breast so straitened?’; and I answered her, weeping bitterly, ‘O my lady, I am just come from the house of a youth who loves thee and who is about to die for sake of thee!’

Quoth she (and her heart was softened), ‘And who is this youth of whom thou speakest?’; and quoth I, ‘He is to me as a son and the fruit of my vitals. He saw thee, some days ago, at the window watering thy flowers and espying thy face and wrists he fell in love at first sight. I let him know what happened to me the last time I was with thee, whereupon his ailment increased, he took to the pillow and he is naught now but a dead man, and no doubt what ever of it.’ At this she turned pale and asked, ‘All this for my sake?’; and I answered, ‘Ay, by Allah![FN#608] what wouldst thou have me do?’ Said she, ‘Go back to him and greet him for me and tell him that I am twice more heartsick than he is. And on Friday, before the hour of public prayer, bid him here to the house, and I will come down and open the door for him. Then I will carry him up to my chamber and foregather with him for a while, and let him depart before my father return from the Mosque.’” When I heard the old woman’s words, all my sickness suddenly fell from me, my anguish ceased and my heart was comforted; I took off what clothes were on me and gave them to her and, as she turned to go, she said, “Keep a good heart!” “I have not a jot of sorrow left.” I replied. My household and intimates rejoiced in my recovery and I abode thus till Friday, when behold, the old woman came in and asked me how I did, to which I answered that I was well and in good case. Then I donned my clothes and perfumed myself and sat down to await the congregation going in to prayers, that I might betake myself to her. But the old woman said to me, “Thou hast time and to spare: so thou wouldst do well to go to the Hammam and have thy hair shaven off (especially after thy ailment), so as not to show traces of sickness.” “This were the best way,” answered I, “I have just now bathed in hot water, but I will have my head shaved.” Then I said to my page, “Go to the bazaar and bring me a barber, a discreet fellow and one not inclined to meddling or impertinent curiosity or likely to split my head with his excessive talk.”[FN#609] The boy went out at once and brought back with him this wretched old man, this Shaykh of ill omen.

When he came in he saluted me and I returned his salutation; then quoth he, “Of a truth I see thee thin of body;” and quoth I, “I have been ailing.” He continued, “Allah drive far away from thee thy woe and thy sorrow and thy trouble and thy distress.” “Allah grant thy prayer!” said I. He pursued, “All gladness to thee, O

my master, for indeed recovery is come to thee. Dost thou wish to be polled or to be blooded? Indeed it was a tradition of Ibn Abbas[FN#610] (Allah accept of him!) that the Apostle said, ‘Whoso cutteth his hair on a Friday, the Lord shall avert from him threescore and ten calamities;’ and again is related of him also that he said, ‘Cupping on a Friday keepeth from loss of sight and a host of diseases.’” “Leave this talk,” I cried; “come, shave me my head at once for I can’t stand it.” So he rose and put forth his hand in most leisurely way and took out a kerchief and unfolded it, and lo! it contained an astrolabe[FN#611] with seven parallel plates mounted in silver.

Then he went to the middle of the court and raised head and instrument towards the sun’s rays and looked for a long while.

When this was over, he came back and said to me, “Know that there have elapsed of this our day, which be Friday, and this Friday be the tenth of the month Safar in the six hundred and fifty-third year since the Hegira or Flight of the Apostle (on whom be the bestest of blessings and peace!) and the seven thousand three hundred and twentieth year of the era of Alexander, eight degrees and six minutes. Furthermore the ascendant of this our day is, according to the exactest science of computation, the planet Mars; and it so happeneth that Mercury is in conjunction with him, denoting an auspicious moment for hair cutting; and this also maketh manifest to me that thou desires union with a certain person and that your intercourse will not be propitious. But after this there occurreth a sign respecting a matter which will befall thee and whereof I will not speak.” “O thou,” cried I, “by Allah, thou weariest me and scatterest my wits and thy forecast is other than good; I sent for thee to poll my head and naught else: so up and shave me and prolong not thy speech.” “By Allah,”

replied he, “if thou but knew what is about to befall thee, thou wouldst do nothing this day, and I counsel thee to act as I tell thee by computation of the constellations.” “By Allah,” said I, “never did I see a barber who excelled in judicial astrology save thyself: but I think and I know that thou art most prodigal of frivolous talk. I sent for thee only to shave my head, but thou comest and pesterest me with this sorry prattle.” “What more wouldst thou have?” replied he. “Allah hath bounteously bestowed on thee a Barber who is an astrologer, one learned in alchemy and white magic;[FN#612] syntax, grammar, and lexicology; the arts of logic, rhetoric and elocution; mathematics, arithmetic and algebra; astronomy, astromancy and geometry; theology, the Traditions of the Apostle and the Commentaries on the Koran.

Furthermore, I have read books galore and digested them and have had experience of affairs and comprehended them. In short I have learned the theorick and the practick of all the arts and sciences; I know everything of them by rote and I am a past master in tota re scibili. Thy father loved me for my lack of officiousness, argal, to serve thee is a religious duty incumbent on me. I am no busy body as thou seemest to suppose, and on this account I am known as The Silent Man, also, The Modest Man.

Wherefore it behoveth thee to render thanks to Allah Almighty and not cross me, for I am a true counsellor to thee and benevolently minded towards thee. Would that I were in thy service a whole year that thou mightest do me justice; and I would ask thee no wage for all this.” When I heard his flow of words, I said to him, “Doubtless thou wilt be my death this day!”—And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her permitted say.

 

When it was the Thirtieth Night, She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that the young man said to the Barber, “Thou certainly will be the death of me this very day!” “O master mine,” replied he, “I am he, The Silent Man hight, by reason of the fewness of my words, to distinguish me from my six brothers. For the eldest is called Al-Bakb�k, the prattler; the second Al-Hadd�r, the babbler; the third Al-Fak�k, the gabbler; the fourth, his name is Al-Kuz al-asw�ni, the long necked Gugglet, from his eternal chattering; the fifth is Al-Nashsh�r, the tattler and tale teller; the sixth Shak�shik, or many clamours; and the seventh is famous as Al-S�mit, The Silent Man, and this is my noble self!” Whilst he redoubled his talk, I thought my gall bladder would have burst; so I said to the servant, “Give him a quarter dinar and dismiss him and let him go from me in the name of God who made him. I won’t have my head shaved to day.” “What words be these, O my lord?” cried he. “By Allah! I will accept no hire of thee till I have served thee and have ministered to thy wants; and I care not if I never take money of thee. If thou know not my quality, I know thine; and I owe thy father, an honest man, on whom Allah Almighty have mercy!

many a kindness, for he was a liberal soul and a generous. By Allah, he sent for me one day, as it were this blessed day, and I went in to him and found a party of his intimates about him.

Quoth he to me, ‘Let me blood;’ so I pulled out my astrolabe and, taking the sun’s altitude for him, I ascertained that the ascendant was inauspicious and the hour unfavourable for brooding. I told him of this, and he did according to my bidding and awaited a better opportunity. So I made these lines in honour of him:—

 

I went to my patron some blood to let him, * But found that the moment was far from good:

So I sat and I talked of all strangenesses, * And with jests and jokes his good will I wooed:

They pleased him and cried he, ‘O man of wit, * Thou hast proved thee perfect in merry mood!’

Quoth I, ‘O thou Lord of men, save thou * Lend me art and wisdom I’m fou and wood

In thee gather grace, boon, bounty, suavity, * And I guerdon the world with lore, science and gravity.’

 

Thy father was delighted and cried out to the servant, ‘Give him an hundred and three gold pieces with a robe of honour!’ The man obeyed his orders, and I awaited an auspicious moment, when I blooded him; and he did not baulk me; nay he thanked me and I was also thanked and praised by all present. When the blood-letting was over I had no power to keep silence and asked him, ‘By Allah, O my lord, what made thee say to the servant, Give him an hundred and three dinars?’; and he answered, ‘One dinar was for the astrological observation, another for thy pleasant conversation, the third for the phlebotomisation, and the remaining hundred and the dress were for thy verses in my commendation.’” “May Allah show small mercy to my father,” exclaimed I, “for knowing the like of thee.” He laughed and ejaculated, “There is no god but the God and Mohammed is the Apostle of God! Glory to Him that changeth and is changed not! I took thee for a man of sense, but I see thou babblest and dotest for illness. Allah hath said in the Blessed Book,[FN#613] ‘Paradise is prepared for the goodly who bridle their anger and forgive men.’ and so forth; and in any case thou art excused. Yet I cannot conceive the cause of thy hurry and flurry;