The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night, vol 1 by Sir Richard Francis Burton (classic literature list TXT) 📕

taken me with thee; yet am I the right man to take, one who could aid thee to the end thou wishest. But I fear me thou art running after strange women and thou wilt lose thy life; for in this our city of Baghdad one cannot do any thing in this line, especially on a day like Friday: our Governor is an angry man and a mighty sharp blade.”

“Shame on thee, thou wicked, bad, old man!” cried I, “Be off!

what words are these thou givest me?” “O cold of wit,”[FN#627]

cried he, “thou sayest to me what is not true and thou hidest thy mind from me, but I know the whole business for certain and I seek only to help thee this day with my best endeavour.” I was fearful lest my people or my neighbours should hear the Barber’s talk, so I kept silence for a long time whilst he finished shaving my head; by which time the hour of prayer was come and the Khutbah, or sermon, was about to follow. When he had done, I said to him, “Go to thy friends with their meat and drink, and I will await thy return. Then we will fare together.” In this way I hoped to pour oil on troubled waters and to trick the accursed loon, so haply I might get quit of him; but he said, “Thou art cozening me and thou wouldst go alone to thy appointment and cast thyself into jeopardy, whence there will be no escape for thee.

Now by Allah! and again by Allah! do not go till I return, that I may accompany thee and watch the issue of thine affair.” “So be it,” I replied, “do not be long absent.” Then he took all the meat and drink I had given him and the rest of it and went out of my house; but the accursed carle gave it in charge of a porter to carry to his home but hid himself in one of the alleys. As for me I rose on the instant, for the Muezzins had already called the Salam of Friday, the salute to the Apostle;[FN#628] and I dressed in haste and went out alone and, hurrying to the street, took my stand by the house wherein I had seen the young lady. I found the old woman on guard at the door awaiting me, and went up with her to the upper story, the damsel’s apartment. Hardly had I reached it when behold, the master of the house returned from prayers and entering the great saloon, closed the door. I looked down from the window and saw this Barber (Allah’s curse upon him!) sitting over against the door and said, “How did this devil find me out?”

At this very moment, as Allah had decreed it for rending my veil of secrecy, it so happened that a handmaid of the house master committed some offence for which he beat her. She shrieked out and his slave ran in to intercede for her, whereupon the Kazi beat him to boot, and he also roared out. The damned Barber fancied that it was I who was being beaten; so he also fell to shouting and tore his garments and scattered dust on his head and kept on shrieking and crying “Help ! Help !” So the people came round about him and he went on yelling, “My master is being murdered in the Kazi’s house!” Then he ran clamouring to my place with the folk after him, and told my people and servants and slaves; and, before I knew what was doing, up they came tearing their clothes and letting loose their hair[FN#629] and shouting, “Alas, our master!”; and this Barber leading the rout with his clothes rent and in sorriest plight; and he also shouting like a madman and saying, “Alas for our murdered master!” And they all made an assault upon the house in which I was. The Kazi, hearing the yells and the uproar at his door, said to one of his servants, “See what is the matter”; and the man went forth and returned and said, “O my master, at the gate there are more than ten thousand souls what with men and women, and all crying out, ‘Alas for our murdered master!’; and they keep pointing to our house.” When the Kazi heard this, the matter seemed serious and he waxed wroth; so he rose and opening the door saw a great crowd of people; whereat he was astounded and said, “O folk! what is there to do?” “O accursed! O dog! O hog!” my servants replied; “‘Tis thou who hast killed our master!” Quoth he, “O good folk, and what hath your master done to me that I should kill him?”—

And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her permitted say.

 

When it was the Thirty-first Night, She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that the Kazi said to the servants, “What hath your master done to me that I should kill him? This is my house and it is open to you all.”

Then quoth the Barber, “Thou didst beat him and I heard him cry out;” and quoth the Kazi, “But what was he doing that I should beat him, and what brought him in to my house; and whence came he and whither went he?” “Be not a wicked, perverse old man!” cried the Barber, “for I know the whole story; and the long and short of it is that thy daughter is in love with him and he loves her; and when thou knewest that he had entered the house, thou badest thy servants beat him and they did so: by Allah, none shall judge between us and thee but the Caliph; or else do thou bring out our master that his folk may take him, before they go in and save him perforce from thy house, and thou be put to shame.” Then said the Kazi (and his tongue was bridled and his mouth was stopped by confusion before the people), “An thou say sooth, do thou come in and fetch him out.” Whereupon the Barber pushed forward and entered the house. When I saw this I looked about for a means of escape and flight, but saw no hiding place except a great chest in the upper chamber where I was. So I got into it and pulled the lid down upon myself and held my breath. The Barber was hardly in the room before he began to look about for me, then turned him right and left and came straight to the place where I was, and stepped up to the chest and, lifting it on his head, made off as fast as he could. At this, my reason forsook me, for I knew that he would not let me be; so I took courage and opening the chest threw myself to the ground. My leg was broken in the fall, and the door being open I saw a great concourse of people looking in.

Now I carried in my sleeve much gold and some silver, which I had provided for an ill day like this and the like of such occasion; so I kept scattering it amongst the folk to divert their attention from me and, whilst they were busy scrambling for it, I set off, hopping as fast as I could, through the by streets of Baghdad, shifting and turning right and left. But whithersoever I went this damned Barber would go in after me, crying aloud, “They would have bereft me of my master! They would have slain him who was a benefactor to me and my family and my friends! Praised be Allah who made me prevail against them and delivered my lord from their hands!” Then to me, “Where wilt thou go now? Thou wouldst persist in following thine own evil devices, till thou broughtest thyself to this ill pass; and, had not Allah vouchsafed me to thee, ne’er hadst thou escaped this strait into which thou hast fallen, for they would have cast thee into a calamity whence thou never couldest have won free. But I will not call thee to account for thine ignorance, as thou art so little of wit and inconsequential and addicted to hastiness!” Said I to him, “Doth not what thou hast brought upon me suffice thee, but thou must run after me and talk me such talk in the bazaar streets?” And I well nigh gave up the ghost for excess of rage against him. Then I took refuge in the shop of a weaver amiddlemost of the market and sought protection of the owner who drove the Barber away; and, sitting in the back room,[FN#630] I said to myself, “If I return home I shall never be able to get rid of this curse of a Barber, who will be with me night and day; and I cannot endure the sight of him even for a breathing space.” So I sent out at once for witnesses and made a will, dividing the greater part of my property among my people, and appointed a guardian over them, to whom I committed the charge of great and small, directing him to sell my houses and domains. Then I set out on my travels that I might be free of this pimp;[FN#631] and I came to settle in your town where I have lived some time. When you invited me and I came hither, the first thing I saw was this accursed pander seated in the place of honour. How then can my heart be glad and my stay be pleasant in company with this fellow who brought all this upon me, and who was the cause of the breaking of my leg and of my exile from home and native land. And the youth refused to sit down and went away. When we heard his story (continued the Tailor) we were amazed beyond measure and amused and said to the Barber, “By Allah, is it true what this young man saith of thee?”

“By Allah,” replied he, “I dealt thus by him of my courtesy and sound sense and generosity. Had it not been for me he had perished and none but I was the cause of his escape. Well it was for him that he suffered in his leg and not in his life! Had I been a man of many words, a meddler, a busy body, I had not acted thus kindly by him; but now I will tell you a tale which befell me, that you may be well assured I am a man sparing of speech in whom is no forwardness and a very different person from those six Brothers of mine; and this it is.”

 

The Barber’s Tale of Himself.

 

I was living in Baghdad during the times of Al-Mustansir bi’llah,[FN#632] Son of Al-Mustazi bi’llah the then Caliph, a prince who loved the poor and needy and companied with the learned and pious. One day it happened to him that he was wroth with ten persons, highwaymen who robbed on the Caliph’s highway, and he ordered the Prefect of Baghdad to bring them into the presence on the anniversary of the Great Festival.[FN#633] So the Prefect sallied out and, making them His prisoners, embarked with them in a boat. I caught sight of them as they were embarking and said to myself, “These are surely assembled for a marriage feast; methinks they are spending their day in that boat eating and drinking, and none shall be companion of their cups but I myself.” So I rose, O fair assembly; and, of the excess of my courtesy and the gravity of my understanding, I embarked with them and entered into conversation with them. They rowed across to the opposite bank, where they landed and there came up the