34 by S. G. Ricketts (best life changing books TXT) 📕

UNO

Today is day uno. One. Un. Yes… It's the beginning of the middle, the end of the start.

The walls are watching me, did you know? The clowns are laughing behind them, behind the walls. They want me to WRITE, they say. Forever alone, and now they want me to write. Write what comes to my mind. Don’t they know I’m crazy?

The door laughs at me. It tells funny jokes, but the bunny doesn’t laugh. He sits in the corner and stares. His nails are painted yellow today. Have you ever seen a bunny with yellow nails? I wonder… Oh dinner is here, served to the queen by two flying monkeys.


One, two, three, four million and fifty two.

The clowns came today. They changed their pants. They aren’t blue polka dot anymore, they’re GREEN! GREEN! Their legs look like skinny trees, growing backwards. Why would a tree grow backwards? The door is laughing again. They asked me questions. SO MANY QUESTIONS. And I laughed. I’m invisible. King Clown with his big stump trees tried to punch the queen, but how do you punch a cloud? My face is singing and ringing and the bunny’s tooth is blue.

Tell us your name? Anne of Green Gables. Queen Elizabeth the Dirty. Martha Stewart. They liked that one, and I pulled out my blonde wig and my christmas centerpiece. Finger centerpieces break easy.
Where is Annie Bordoski? Annie, Annie, sat on her fanny drinking curds and whey. Along came a spider and sat down beside her and carried miss Annie away!
Who did you kill? Two, four, six trees, and a spider and a bunny and a laughing door and the walls can talk, did you know that? They TALK now, not just watch. They can’t watch anymore. I poked out all their eyes but I haven’t killed them yet.

They forgot that I’m invisible, I think. They thought I was slow, but is fog slow? I drifted between their green stumpy smelly forest and broke the trees. They didn’t ask any more questions.

Annie, Annie, sat on her fanny drinking curds and whey. Along came a spider who sat down beside her and carried miss annie away!


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Crazy. Did you know that I’m crazy? They say I’m crazy, the whispering walls. I’ve poked their eyes out, all four million and fifty two, but they grow new ones. Their mouths hide behind the gray and I can’t get to them. They make me so ANGRY. Don’t they know I am the queen? Don’t they know who Anne of Green Gables is? The door has died. I killed it after it said another knock knock joke, but the bunny is my only friend. His two teeth are blue and red, and his nails are green. He is my only friend. He doesn’t talk. He doesn’t remind me of the trees and the spider and the ghosts and the little orphan annie.


The clowns came today. Different clowns. These were juggler clowns, with LONG stripey legs and no eyes and big mouths. These clowns scared me. They juggled knifes and tried to catch the queen of shadows. Don’t they know I’m invisible? I’m crazy. I’ve got to be crazy.

Who are you? THE QUEEN IN THE NIGHT. MURDERER OF WALLS AND DOORS AND TREES. I’m your mama. One of the clowns didn’t like that answer. My second centerpiece is broken now, and it hurts too much to fix it.
Where is Annie Bordoski? You say her name wrong. It’s Anne Bordeaux. It’s fucking French. B O R D E A U X. You must be stupid. I’m crazy, but not stupid. My first centerpiece is shattered. When did the floor become my friend? He’s so comfortable the floor. I don’t remember, but I can spell.
Who did you kill? Your mama. The glittering knives juggle a pretty ribbon on my legs. Pretty red ribbons. At least it doesn’t hurt.

They’re gone now. I don’t know when they left. I don’t remember. Even the bunny laughed this time.


I wonder how dark it is outside. My walls tell me it’s noon, so it must be dark. My walls, they tell me all sorts of things, mostly about the clowns.

My walls say the clowns are fake. Fake as a rake on a snake. fake fake fake. Porcelain faces hidden behind masks on top of blue and green trees. Who ever thought trees could have arms and legs? Maybe they do. I’ve never seen the top of the really tall trees. That must be why we chop
chop
chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop.

The walls, they tell me that they have no eyes, no ears, but they lie. I’ve found their voices in the cracks and creases of the walls. They whisper quiet things. But don’t they know, I am the queen. How dare they whisper about me? Cut of their heads. CUT OFF THEIR HEADS! Alice, can I follow you down your rabbit hole? Is that where you came from, bunny?

He just smiles at me, his teeth red and his nails black. Black like the eyes in the wall.

silent
i
go
down

That is what the walls say. The door is dead, but sometimes I think he still laughs at me. He laughs a creaky laugh when they come in, but it’s been DAYS. DAYS AND DAYS AND DAYS AND DAYS AND DAYS AND DAYS AND DAYS. Days…that’s spelled funny. At least I can spell.

The queen I had toast and mud and worms for breakfast. There was murky poo water too, but I didn’t drink it. The walls, they warned me. They told me of the clowns’ tricks. They told me of before, before the magic stones were cast across the plate of my poo water. Before, they tell me, I wasn’t crazy. Crazy CRAZY crazy CRAZY
crazy
crazy
CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY

Annie, Annie, sat on her fanny, drinking curds and whey. Along came a spider who sat down beside her and carried miss annie away.


How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck had no wood?

The door would know. He died and the wood chuck ate him up.

They came today, clowns dressed in green again. Their masks were ugly, though. The queen didn’t like them masks. They were ugly, frowning faces pasty white in the light from the sky. The sky is just above my head, did you know? It is grey and bright. But their faces weren’t. They were pasty white, like prickly balls of dough. I wanted to knead the dough, but the biggest clown slapped me with a rubber chicken.

Who do you work for? they screamed and the walls laughed. Myself, me, and I. The bunny there is my boss, and he wears a much prettier face than you.
Where is Annie Bordoski? Anne Bordeaux, you fucking idiots. Get my name right. I’m right in front of you. Do you like my pretty freckles? Is my hair still red? The clowns they laugh at me and the little one with the big hands and dough face breaks three candles by my broken centerpiece.
Tell us what you stole? My sanity. Did you find it? The walls they tell me you steal it with little circles of white. Did you steal my sanity too? I think I might need it, or else I’ll have to kill the door again.

The clowns didn’t like that. Their ugly masks get uglier and then the sun goes out. See? It is dark at noon. You can’t laugh at me now, walls. I was am right. That’s right clowns.

Run
Away


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I don’t know what day it is, or how long I’ve been here. It’s the first time in a while that the light has been turned on.

I don’t know where I am, or why I’m here, but this journal scares me. I don’t remember writing this, but I can tell from the cell around me that it was me. The door is covered in chicken scrawl. Knock knock jokes, I think, though most of them are scratched out. The gray bricks around me are scratched, and a thousand lead eyes watch me as I write this. Blood is all over the floor, and my nails are gone. My fingertips are gone. It hurts so much to write this, but I have to. I have to prove I’m not insane. I need to keep my sanity. I have to get out. My fingers hurt too badly.

C. B.

They found me. they found me. Hidden on top of the ceiling, my Icharus wings melting from the sun. They are happy the masked clowns. Something in here made them happy happy happy but I am not. They smiled when they gave you back to me. I was on the ceiling hiding from them, hiding in my mind, and they shot me. THEY SHOT ME. Blue fire ate my body and I fell, my wings burning in the sun and the fire and the laughter of the walls.

And now I’m crazy. Crazy crazy crazy crazy. I am the queen and the queen is crazy. Bloody worms drip their spit on my page, stupid worms. Can I kill them, please, my queen? I just want to kill them. They’re messing up my pretty pretty page… My centerpieces, my Martha Stewart creations, are broken. Why are they attached to my hand? They make the worms bleed…

The door is singing now. The clowns came back.


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Annie, Annie, sat on her fanny, sipping on curds and whey. Along came a spider and sat down beside her and carried miss annie away.

far
far
far
away


I want to go too. I don’t want to be with the clowns anymore.


The bunny talks to the walls. I hate him. He was my friend, but he tells them lies about me.

I heard him while I was sleeping. He told them I killed myself. He told them I was a liar and crazy. Crazy? I’m not crazy. I am the queen, and I can’t be crazy.
He whispers through those ugly purple teeth of his, his eyes glowing with lies. He says the spider bit me and that the door is funny. He is a liar. I want to kill him, just like I killed myself. Why won’t he just fly away into the sky? It’s not so far away, and then maybe his wings will burn too. I will give him mine, and then he’ll die. dead dead deader than a doornail. dead dead dead dead