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have a Blue Goo dipped in chocolate please.” I said to the woman at the cash registers in the ice cream shop.
“Its amazing how you still remember that.” Lindsey said to me and gave me a big smile. I smiled back.
“That will be 8.20.” The woman said after calculating it. I handed her the money. After we ate we went to go play golf. I haven’t played in years so Josh helped me on the first hole. He put both hands around me and on the putter. He swung my hips and then hit the ball. No surprise he got a hole in one. I mean we got a hole in one. Lindsey didn’t know how to play because it has been an equally length of time since she played. I asked Josh to help her the same way he helped me. She got a hole in one too. We played for an hour or two before I was getting tired. Josh took Lindsey home and then laid on the beach with me. We sat watching the sun set like Lindsey and I use to do when we thought about Matt.
“I know.” Josh said.
“About what?” I asked and acted clueless but I really was clueless.
“That this is your and Matts spot.” He said. I took me hand away from him and sat up.
“Do you feel sorry for me? Is that what this is? Oh poor girls boyfriend breaks up with her for her best friend and then friend gets pregnant and if thats not worse the baby and her ex boy friend die! I feel sorry for her why don’t I break her heart and help her along!” I said while standing up.
“Thats not how it is!” He said. He yanked my hand to come back because I was heading in the direction of my house.
“Then how is it Josh?” I said in a quiet very sad tone.
“I liked you from the beginning and then you got to Matthew who doesn’t even treat you right but you were wrapped so tightly around his little finger. I wanted you so bad but knew you were in a bad spot and didn’t want to make it worse.” He said while pulling me close. “J’adore tu.”
“J’adore tu aussi.” I said while smiling. We kissed right before the sun went down.
“Do you forgive me?” He asked.
“For what?” I asked.
“Not being more clear about my feelings.” He replied and then we both laughed. We fell asleep in each others arms on the beach.

CHAPTER 15

When we got woken up it was kinda cold. The waves got close to shore and soaked us. We were freezing. But instead of going home he took his shirt and pants off and kept on hid boxers. I closed me eyes and then he jumped into the water.
“Come on in!” He said while goosebumps were covering his body.
“Are you crazy? Its freezing!” I said back.
“Yes. I’m crazy for you.” He said while doing a backwards moderate paddle. I smiled to him and then took every thing off except my bra and underwear. I jumped in and he caught me. It was so cold but I didn’t care because he was holding me and keeping me warm. We swam for a while until Lindsey came to see were I was.
“Alexis! Were are your clothes?” She said while grabbing a towel from her car. I tried covering myself while I walked towards her to the towel. She wrapped it around me.
“We were just swimming.” I told her.
“Almost naked!” She said.
“It just happened and its not like we did anything. I can control myself unlike some.” I said but as soon as it came out I wanted to take it back.
“That night just happened and I can control myself.” She paused for a second. “You know I was worried because you didn’t go home last night and I was trying to be a good friend but it seems like you don’t need one!” She said while walking away.
“Lindsey come back I didn’t mean it!” I screamed as she drove away. I tried to chase her but I tripped in the sand. Josh ran over to me and helped me up. “I cant lose her.” I told him.
“I know honey.” He said. He had a reassuring voice but at that point no reassurance could help.
I went to Lindsey’s house to apologize but she wouldn’t come out of her room. She said that she didn’t know an Alexis but she was lying.
“Lindsey, you are my best friend. I didn’t mean what I said. I was being stupid and I didn’t think straight. I should have never put a guy in the middle of being friends it wasn’t fair and I’m sorry. I know you have been through a lot and I know because I have been their through it all with you. You will never find someone who knows you like I do! Lindsey, I cant lose you. Not now, not ever.” When she didn’t answer me I walked away. When I was at the top of the stairs her door opened.
“Did you mean that?” She asked.
“Every sentence.” I said, then she ran to me and we hugged. We both apologized at the same time. “I will tell Josh that we should take a break.”
“No! You found a guy who loves you. Lexi, he really loves you. You have to keep him.” I smiled and then she fixed us something to eat and asked what really happened on the beach.
“Well we were just laying their and then we fell in love with the sun set and fell asleep. I swear that nothing happened. We just slept in each others arms.” I said.
“How was it?” She asked.
“It felt good.” She smiled at me with that I know what your thinking look.
“Well then when we woke up he got naked down to his boxers and jumped in and told me to too. So I did and we swam for a while.” I said.
“Well when I got their he was holding you. Tightly.” She said.
“But we weren’t doing anything.” I said and she nodded. We stayed in and watched old movies like the old times. Her mom brought in popcorn and braided our hair. I felt like a kid again and I liked it. When I got to my house my mom was waiting for me frantic.
“Oh, my god! You’re okay! Where have you been?” She asked just before she jumped up and gave me a hug.
“I was with Josh yesterday night and then with Lindsey last night.” I said.
“Who is Josh?” She asked. very suspiciously.
“My boyfriend.” I said and that was the first time I called him my boyfriend.
“Why didn’t I know about this Josh kid?” She asked.
“Because.” I answered.
“You spent the whole night with this Josh?” She asked.
“Yes.” I answered.
“Do we need to have the talk? Are you using birth control?” She asked.
“Holy! No! We don’t need to have the talk because I’m not having sex and know everything you are going to tell me. Mom, I swear we didn’t do anything.” I told her.
“Okay. If you tend to have sex could you please tell me so if you ever get pregnant I wont be totally clueless.” She said and I nodded. I knew she was being sarcastic.

CHAPTER 16

“So is everything okay?” Josh asked while we were laying on his bed.
“Yeah. Lindsey and I made up.” I said while rubbing his hand. He sat up.
“Do you want to go for a walk?” He asked.
“Yeah, that sounds like fun.” I replied with tired out voice. Through half of the walk I felt like Josh wanted to say something but he didn’t for a while.
“Alexis,--” He tried saying in a sighing voice but I cut him off because I knew what he was going to say.
“Don’t say it.” I said.
“Don’t say what?” He asked sounding clueless.
“No guy ever starts a sentence with Alexis, if they are not going to break up with them. Please don’t say the words.” I said while letting go of his hand and facing him.
“Alexis you don’t understand.” He said.
“Then help me understand.” I said.
“Okay, I love you so much but you have been through so much and if anything happened to our relationship later it might just be too much for you.” He said and then he couldn’t face me.
“Yes I have been through so much. More than you can imagine because what you don’t know is I have been raped. If that wasn’t enough I lose my true love to Lindsey and then she loses her baby! I have been through more than a lot.” I said while gasping for breath.
“You never told me about the first thing you said.” Josh said. He tried to reach for my arm but I pulled away.
“I thought if you knew you wouldn’t want to touch me.” I said with my head down.
“I love you no matter what and I am so sorry I brought up what I said before.” He said while giving me a hug. I couldn’t say anything. I don’t understand how I feel. Every time we kiss I see fireworks and I can’t get enough of him but he is making Lindsey and mine relationship together harder. Ahhhh what should I do?
Lindsey and I went swimming. She is on the schools swimming team and I go to see the boys in spedos. When she was doing her laps I swam beside her.
“Since Josh came into my life, we have been more distant.” I stated.
“Yeah, so.” She said.
“So it that if we broke up would that be easier for you and me to be like normal again?” I asked. Then she stopped swimming and stared at me for a while.
“Normal? Normal was when you were holding Matthews hand and walking down the street. Normal was us painting each others nails with Matthew watching television. Normal was you, me and Matthew on the swings. That was normal. This is not normal. You have not felt normal again till Josh came into your life. He was a blessing to you. He loves you, he really loves you. We will always be together till the end. Friends for life. Look at your wrist. The bracelets we made when we were six. Six, Alexis and we still have them. Do you remember the promise we made when we put these bracelets on?” She asked grabbing my wrist and pointing to the blue, purple and green braided bracelet on my wrist and hers.
“Yes. We promised that no one would separate us and that we will be unbreakable. Friends for life.” I told her.
“Yes and no one including a boy will separate us, not even Josh but you cant be afraid of love because I screwed one up! You and Josh are perfect and you should thank god to find someone like him.” Her voice started to trail off. “Stay with him. A few less hours of your day wont hurt me. We made a promise till the end.” I didn’t know what to say but I got my answer. I never took that bracelet off. We are friends till the end and thats the way it will stay. Lindsey asked me to meet her at the beach. The same spot were we went to think about Matthew and her lost baby.
“I wanted to talk to you.” Lindsey said when I arrived at the beach. I nodded and then she continued. “Matthew, you looked at him like the love of your life.
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